Part 59 (1/2)

”You will keep Mimi company.”

”Well,” asked Marcel of the girl when they were alone together, ”what took place last night?”

”Very sad things,” said Mimi. ”Rodolphe still loves me.”

”I know that very well.”

”Yes, you wanted to separate him from me. I am not angry about it, Marcel, you were quite right, I have done no good to the poor fellow.”

”And you,” asked Marcel, ”do you still love him?”

”Do I love him?” said she, clasping her hands. ”It is that that tortures me. I am greatly changed, my friend, and it needed but little time for that.”

”Well, now he loves you, you love him and you cannot do without one another, come together again and try and remain.”

”It is impossible,” said Mimi.

”Why?” inquired Marcel. ”Certainly it would be more sensible for you to separate, but as for your not meeting again, you would have to be a thousand leagues from one another.”

”In a little while I shall be further off than that.”

”What do you mean?”

”Do not speak of it to Rodolphe, it would cause him too much pain, but I am going away forever.”

”But whither?”

”Look here, Marcel,” said Mimi sobbing, ”look.”

And lifting up the sheet of the bed a little she showed the artist her shoulders, neck and arms.

”Good heavens!” exclaimed Marcel mournfully, ”poor girl.”

”Is it not true, my friend, that I do not deceive myself and that I am soon going to die.”

”But how did you get into such a state in so short a time?”

”Ah!” replied Mimi, ”with the life I have been leading for the past two months it is not astonis.h.i.+ng; nights spent in tears, days pa.s.sed in posing in studios without any fire, poor living, grief, and then you do not know all, I tried to poison myself with Eau de Javelle. I was saved but not for long as you see. Besides I have never been very strong, in short it is my fault, if I had remained quietly with Rodolphe I should not be like this. Poor fellow, here I am again upon his hands, but it will not be for long, the last dress he will give me will be all white, Marcel, and I shall be buried in it. Ah! If you knew how I suffer because I am going to die. Rodolphe knows that I am ill, he remained for over an hour without speaking last night when he saw my arms and shoulders so thin. He no longer recognized his Mimi. Alas! My very looking gla.s.s does not know me. Ah! All the same I was pretty and he did love me. Oh, G.o.d!” she exclaimed, burying her face in Marcel's hands. ”I am going to leave you and Rodolphe too, oh G.o.d!” and sobs choked her voice.

”Come, Mimi,” said Marcel, ”never despair, you will get well, you only want care and rest.”

”Ah, no!” said Mimi. ”It is all over, I feel it. I have no longer any strength, and when I came here last night it took me over an hour to get up the stairs. If I found a woman here I should have gone down by way of the window. However, he was free since we were no longer together, but you see, Marcel, I was sure he loved me still. It was on account of that,” she said, bursting into tears, ”it is on account of that that I do not want to die at once, but it is all over with me. He must be very good, poor fellow, to take me back after all the pain I have given him.

Ah! G.o.d is not just, since he does not leave me only the time to make Rodolphe forget the grief I caused him. He does not know the state in which I am. I would not have him lie beside me, for I feel as if the earthworms were already devouring my body. We pa.s.sed the night in weeping and talking of old times. Ah! How sad it is, my friend, to see behind one the happiness one has formerly pa.s.sed by without noticing it.

I feel as if I had fire in my chest, and when I move my limbs it seems as if they were going to snap. Hand me my dress, I want to cut the cards to see whether Rodolphe will bring in any money. I should like to have a good breakfast with you, like we used to; that would not hurt me. G.o.d cannot make me worse than I am. See,” she added, showing Marcel the pack of cards she had cut, ”Spades--it is the color of death. Clubs,” she added more gaily, ”yes we shall have some money.”

Marcel did not know what to say in presence of the lucid delirium of this poor creature, who already felt, as she said, the worms of the grave.

In an hour's time Rodolphe was back. He was accompanied by Schaunard and Gustave Colline. The musician wore a summer jacket. He had sold his winter suit to lend money to Rodolphe on learning that Mimi was ill.

Colline on his side had gone and sold some books. If he could have got anyone to buy one of his arms or legs he would have agreed to the bargain rather than part with his cherished volumes. But Schaunard had pointed out to him that nothing could be done with his arms or his legs.