Part 25 (1/2)
Punctually at ten o'clock the next day I found myself in a handsome carriage waiting at the doors of the Grand Union. Ida came down to meet me splendidly dressed, and looked like a queen as she sat by my side.
”We will drive to the lake,” she said, as she took her seat, ”and you will take me for a row as you did on the Isis at Oxford.” So we whirled along comfortably enough over the six miles of splendid avenue leading to the lake; and then we took our places in one of the canopied boats which wait for hire at the little quay.
I rowed out into the middle of the lake, admiring the pretty wooded banks and sandstone cliffs, talking of Saratoga and American society, but keeping to my determination in steering clear of all allusions to my Oxford proposal. Ida was as charming as ever--more provokingly charming, indeed, than even of old, now that I had decided she could not be mine.
But I stood by my resolution like a man. Clearly Ida was surprised at my reticence; and when I told her that my time in America being limited, I must start almost at once for Niagara, she was obviously astonished. ”It is possible to be even _too_ original,” she observed shortly. I turned the boat and rowed back toward the sh.o.r.e.
As I had nearly reached the bank, Ida jumped up from her seat, and asked me suddenly to let her pull for a dozen strokes. I changed places and gave her the oars. To my surprise, she headed the boat around, and pulled once more for the middle of the lake. When we had reached a point at some distance from the sh.o.r.e, she dropped the oars on the thole-pins (they use no rowlocks on American lake or river craft), and looked for a moment full in my face. Then she said abruptly:--
”If you are really going to leave for Niagara to-morrow, Mr. Payne, hadn't we better finish this bit of business out of hand?”
”I was not aware,” I answered, ”that we had any business transactions to settle.”
”Why,” she said, ”I mean this matter of proposing.”
I gazed back at her as straight as I dared. ”Ida,” I said, with an attempt at firmness, ”I don't mean to propose to you again at all. At least, I didn't mean to when I started this morning. I think I thought I had decided not.”
”Then why did you come to Saratoga?” she asked quickly. ”You oughtn't to have come if you meant nothing by it.”
”When I left England I did mean something,” I answered, ”but I learned a fact yesterday which has altered my intentions.” And then I told her about Mr. Hitchc.o.c.k's revelations, and the reflections to which they had given rise.
Ida listened patiently to all my faint arguments, for I felt my courage quailing under her pretty sympathetic glance, and then she said decisively, ”You are quite right and yet quite wrong.”
”Explain yourself, O Sphinx,” I answered, much relieved by her words.
”Why,” she said, ”you are quite right to hesitate, quite wrong to decide. I know you don't want my money; I know you don't like it, even: but I ask you to take me in spite of it. Of course that is dreadfully unwomanly and unconventional, and so forth, but it is what I ought to do.... Listen to me, Cyril (may I call you Cyril?). I will tell you why I want you to marry me. Before I went to Europe, I was dissatisfied with all these rich American young men. I hated their wealth, and their selfishness, and their cheap cynicism, and their trotting horses, and their narrow views, and their monotonous tall-talk, all cast in a stereotyped American mould, so that whenever I said A, I knew every one of them would answer B.
”I went to Europe and I met your English young men, with their drawls, and their pigeon-shooting, and their s.h.a.ggy ulsters, and their conventional wit, and their commonplace chaff, and their utter contempt for women, as though we were all a herd of marketable animals from whom they could pick and choose whichever pleased them best, according to their lordly fancy. I would no more give myself up to one of them than I would marry my cousin, Jefferson Hitchc.o.c.k. But when I met you first at Nice, I saw you were a different sort of person. You could think and act for yourself, and you could appreciate a real living woman who could think and act too. You taught me what Europe was like. I only knew the outside, you showed me how to get within the husk. You made me admire Eza, and Roccabrunna, and Iffley Church. You roused something within me that I never felt before--a wish to be a different being, a longing for something more worth living for than diamonds and Saratoga. I know I am not good enough for you: I don't know enough or read enough or feel enough; but I don't want to fall back and sink to the level of New York society. So I have a _right_ to ask you to marry me if you will. I don't want to be a blue; but I want not to feel myself a social doll. You know yourself--I see you know it--that I oughtn't to throw away my chance of making the best of what nature I may have in me. I am only a beginner. I scarcely half understand your world yet. I can't properly admire your Botticellis and your Pinturiccios, I know; but I want to admire, I should like to, and I will try. I want you to take me, because I know you understand me and would help me forward instead of letting me sink down to the petty interests of this American desert. You liked me at Nice, you did more than like me at Oxford; but I wouldn't take you then, though I longed to say _yes_, because I wasn't quite sure whether you really meant it. I knew you liked me for myself, not my money, but I left you to come to Saratoga for two things. I wanted to make sure you were in earnest, not to take you at a moment of weakness. I said, 'If he really cares for me, if he thinks I might become worthy of him, he will come and look for me; if not, I must let the dream go.' And then I wanted to know what effect my fortune would have upon you. Now you know my whole reasons. Why should my money stand in our way? Why should we both make ourselves unhappy on account of it? You would have married me if I was poor: what good reason have you for rejecting me only because I am rich? Whatever my money may do for you (and you have enough of your own), it will be nothing to what you can do for me. Will you tell me to go and make myself an animated peg for hanging jewellery upon, with such a conscious automaton as Jefferson Hitchc.o.c.k to keep me company through life?”
As she finished, flushed, proud, ashamed, but every inch a woman, I caught her hand in mine. The utter meanness and selfishness of my life burst upon me like a thunderbolt. ”Oh, Ida,” I cried, ”how terribly you make me feel my own pettiness and egotism. You are cutting me to the heart like a knife. I cannot marry you; I dare not marry you; I must not marry you. I am not worthy of such a wife as you. How had I ever the audacity to ask you? My life has been too narrow and egoistic and self-indulgent to deserve such confidence as yours. I am not good enough for you. I really dare not accept it.”
”No,” she said, a little more calmly, ”I hope we are just good enough for one another, and that is why we ought to marry. And as for the hundred thousand dollars, perhaps we might manage to be happy in spite of them.”
We had drifted into a little bay, under shelter of a high rocky point. I felt a sudden access of insane boldness, and taking both Ida's hands in mine, I ventured to kiss her open forehead. She took the kiss quietly, but with a certain queenly sense of homage due. ”And now,” she said, shaking off my hands and smiling archly, ”let us row back toward Saratoga, for you know you have to pack up for Niagara.”
”No,” I answered, ”I may as well put off my visit to the Falls till you can accompany me.”
”Very well,” said Ida quietly, ”and then we shall go back to England and live near Oxford. I don't want you to give up the dear old University. I want you to teach me the way you look at things, and show me how to look at them myself. I'm not going to learn any Latin or Greek or stupid nonsense of that sort; and I'm not going to join the Women's Suffrage a.s.sociation; but I like your English culture, and I should love to live in its midst.”
”So you shall, Ida,” I answered; ”and you shall teach me, too, how to be a little less narrow and self-centred than we Oxford bachelors are apt to become in our foolish isolation.”
So we expect to spend our honeymoon at Niagara.
_THE CHILD OF THE PHALANSTERY._
_”Poor little thing,” said my strong-minded friend compa.s.sionately.
”Just look at her! Clubfooted. What a misery to herself and others! In a well-organized state of society, you know, such poor wee cripples as that would be quietly put out of their misery while they were still babies.”_
_”Let me think,” said I, ”how that would work out in actual practice.
I'm not so sure, after all, that we should be altogether the better or the happier for it.”_