Part 5 (2/2)
”But Mr. Chung, couldn't you run away and hide for a while, and then come out again, and live like an Englishman?”
”No,” he answered quietly; ”it is quite impossible. A Chinaman couldn't get work in England as a clerk or anything of that sort, and I have nothing of my own to live upon.”
There was a silence of a few minutes. Both were evidently thinking it out. Effie broke the silence first.
”Oh, Mr Chung, do you think they will really put you to death?”
”I don't think it; I know it.”
”You know it?”
”Yes.”
Again a silence, and this time Chung broke it first. ”Miss Effie,” he said, ”one Chinaman more or less in the world does not matter much, and I shall never forgive myself for having been led to grieve you for a moment, even though this is the last time I shall be able to speak to you. But I see you are sorry for me, and now--Chinaman as I am, I must speak out--I can't leave you without having told you all I feel. I am going to a terrible end, and I know it--so you will forgive me. We shall never meet again, so what I am going to say need never cause you any embarra.s.sment in future. That I am recalled does not much trouble me; that I am going to die does not much trouble me; but that I can never, could never possibly have called you my wife, troubles me and cuts me to the very quick. It is the deepest drop in my cup of humiliation.”
”I knew it,” said Effie, with wonderful composure.
”You knew it?”
”Yes, I knew it. I saw it from the second week you were here; and I liked you for it. But of course it was impossible, so there is nothing more to be said about it.”
”Of course,” said Chung. ”Ah, that terrible _of course_! I feel it; you feel it; we all feel it; and yet what a horrible thing it is. I am so human in everything else, but there is that one impa.s.sable barrier between us, and I myself cannot fail to recognize it. I could not even wish you to feel that you could marry a Chinaman.”
At that moment--for a moment only--I almost felt as if I could have said to Effie, ”Take him!” but the thing was too impossible--a something within us rises against it--and I said nothing.
”So now,” Chung continued, ”I must go. We must both go back to the house. I have said more than I ought to have said, and I am ashamed of myself for having done so. Yet, in spite of the measureless gulf that parts us, I felt I could not return to China without having told you.
Will you forgive me?”
”I am glad you did,” said Effie; ”it will relieve you.”
She stood a minute irresolute, and then she began again: ”Mr. Chung, I am too horrified to know what I ought to do. I can't grasp it and take it all in so quickly. If you had money of your own, would you be able to run away and live somehow?”
”I might possibly,” Chung answered, ”but not probably. A Chinaman, even if he wears European clothing, is too marked a person ever to escape.
The only chance would be by going to Mauritius or California, where I might get lost in the crowd.”
”But, Mr. Chung, I have money of my own. What can I do? Help me, tell me. I can't let a fellow-creature die for a mere prejudice of race and colour. If I were your wife it would be yours. Isn't it my duty?”
”No,” said Chung. ”It is more sacrifice than any woman ought to make for any man. You like me, but that is all.”
”If I shut my eyes and only heard you, I think I could love you.”
”Miss Effie,” said Chung suddenly, ”this is wrong, very wrong of me. I have let my weakness overcome me. I won't stop any longer. I have done what I ought not to have done, and I shall go this minute. Just once, before I go, shut your eyes and let me kiss the tips of your fingers.
Thank you. No, I will not stop,” and without another word he was gone.
Marian and I stared at one another in blank horror. What on earth was to be done? All solutions were equally impossible. Even to meet Chung at dinner was terrible. We both knew in our heart of hearts that if Chung had been an Englishman, remaining in heart and soul the very self-same man he was, we would willingly have chosen him for Effie's husband. But a Chinaman! Reason about the prejudice as you like, there it is, a thing not to be got over, and at bottom so real that even the very notion of getting over it is terribly repugnant to our natural instincts. On the other hand, was poor Chung, with his fine delicate feelings, his courteous manners, his cultivated intellect, his English chivalry, to go back among the savage semi-barbarians of Pekin, and to be put to death in Heaven knows what inhuman manner for the atrocious crime of having outstripped his race and nation? The thing was too awful to contemplate either way.
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