6 Sarah (1/2)
I was frantically searching for what to bring with me to Naeyriv, until, as I opened the drawer I found through thousands of odds and ends the letter which was still sealed. I knew it was not the time to read it and it would have been better to wait until January, as my mother had requested. However, a part of me wanted to have a glance and get it done with, but what would have happened if it was not good enough or I did not like what was written inside it.
My mind was busy with all these thoughts, when I heard a loud knocking on my door. Aliya stepped in, probably she wanted to check if I was still sane and I did not have any panic attacks in the meanwhile.
”Love, you're already up,” she said.
”I couldn't sleep, I guess.”
She instantly took the letter from my hands and shoved it inside the pocket of my bag, ”you don't need to think about it today.”
”Why didn't she tell me she was dying? If I knew everything from the start, I could have been prepared for what happened.”
”As a parent I would do anything to make Robert forget this world, to live normally like everyone else and she wanted to do the same with her disease. Telling you she had so little time to live wouldn't have prepared you, the pain wouldn't have been any less than it is now.”
”But running away from these problems and hiding secrets from the people you love should never be the answer.”
As she took my hands she said, ”you might not understand now and asking you to would be too much, but sometimes our parents can make selfish choices. It might have been the best one at the time.”
”It wasn't hers to make. If she cared enough, she would have given me an alternative option.”
”Life can give you different paths which you must choose from. Maybe what she decided was the best one at the time, don't judge if you don't know the meaning behind her actions.”
”I would never be able to know the meaning, even if I wanted to.”
”Remember, even if it was selfish, this was a decision made out of love. She gave you memories which you will cherish forever.”
”But now I'm thrown into this world, which I don't know anything about how to defend myself or what to expect.”
”You'll find out with time.”
”What happens if I don't?” I asked.
”If I were you, I would have run knowing what is expected from me. It's what I would have done for Robert if there was a way out.”
”Running is never the answer.”
”Sarah, they make you think you're safe with them, you mustn't trust them. They will always find a way to stab you in the back.”