1 Sarah (1/2)
Even though life might be tortuous, all of us would require to bare the hardships. We would fall, die of grief, or we would want to refrain ourselves as the thought of going on further would be overly painful. Nevertheless, from those moments, we would learn to savour the ones made of eternal joy, which one day would come and save us from the wall of darkness built within our fragile minds, or at least, it would be what they wanted us to believe, a cycle of sorrow and bliss, which some of us must go through.
I was still waiting for my moment, a little infinity of happiness which would have finally made me realise why my life should be worth living, there would not be a need to surrender, as my own eyes discovered the wonderful changes this world would have brought me.
Lately, I had been fascinated by anything which to the invisible eye could be no more than ordinary, still, when I witnessed a bird out of the window, I realised how, despite its wings being weakened from birth, it would have sought various ways to fly, compared to its more fortunate and skilled friends, as it would not have given up on the obstacles its path presented it with.
I would be lying if I said I could not understand the agony which the bird must be in, my wings were still broken, as I waited for them to be healed if they could ever be. I simply wished to fly and one of these days I might be able to, while each of my past obstacles would be left on the ground, as I forgot the sorrow my existence chained me in and finally broke free from the cycle which imprisoned me.
I turned my head and felt the spit of Ms Brown on my left eye, ”Ms Wilson, why are you still not listening?” she asked.
”I was, Ms Brown.”
”Why does it always have to be you? Even on your last day of school, you're unable to pay attention,” she said as she folded her arms nervously.
I could not care less what she was lecturing me about, today would have been different, or at least it was what I hoped for from the beginning of this year. She looked at me as she smacked the desk with inhumane force, ”you need to listen, Miss Wilson,” she said as she grabbed my arm. I could feel her nails pressing into my skin, as a sword would pierce through the bare flesh. ”Everyone must stay seated while I am out, if anyone of you is not glued to their chairs once I am back, you will have the same consequences or worse.”
I could still smell her rancid breath through my nostrils as she took me outside frantically. She was not bothered if she would have broken my arm with her brutal force as we walked through the hall. It seemed as it was never ending, she remained quiet until she immediately halted her pace.
”Enter the room, now!” she shouted.
”Ms Kapler's room? I don't understand.”
”Kirsten will know what to do with you.”
I entered the counsellor's room knowing already what might have happened in the next half an hour or so. I took a big breath, as I prepared myself mentally for this fight.
”Ms Kapler,” I whispered.
She did not hear me, of course, who could have with such a soundless voice. I needed to repeat to myself how it was going to be over soon, or I could have escaped as I would have jumped from the oval transparent window which was beside me. I was not even afraid of her, I just could not be bothered to listen to any of her scoldings.
”Sarah, are you going to speak? Or do you want to stay mute for the rest of the day?” she abruptly asked.
She kept scrutinizing me as she read her notes on her small pearl notebook. I could have only guessed what was written inside it, how much of an ignorant child I was or whether I should have been expelled as I did not adhere with their methods.
”Do you know why you are here?” she asked.
”I was momentarily dozing off, last time I checked it wasn't a crime,” I said.
”We know what is happening at home, but you should know this does not excuse your behaviour.”
”What is the big deal?”
”You've been missing weeks of school, you haven't paid attention, you had fights with other classmates.”
”They have been instigating me.”
”You were a straight A student, and now we don't even know if it's in your best interest to pass the year.”
”Or what? Stay here for another year? Hell no!” I shouted.
”Sarah, your language!” she said, as she quickly smacked the table, ”everyone has problems, but they make the best for themselves, they don't ruin their lives.”
”What should I say? What do you want me to say?”
”Sarah, do you have any thoughts of what you want to do in the future?”
”I still don't know! I'm sixteen, I don't have an answer, I don't even know what I'm going to do today.”
”People at your age experiment, they see what their right path could be, it seems as you don't even care about living anymore.”
”Precisely, what should I care about? Going to university, a big family or being popular?”