Part 20 (1/2)

”You can't deal with it,” he murmured, then gave a short laugh before he drained his gla.s.s. ”Then deal with this. I'm in love with you.”

Diana stared at him in utter shock, in utter silence. She wondered if her heart had simply stopped, and she didn't move a muscle as a log snapped loudly and sparks sprayed against the screen at her back.

They watched each other, both pale, their eyes dark with what seemed more like anger than any other emotion. How had it come to this? she wondered. And what in G.o.d's name would they do about it?

”Well, you don't seem thrilled about it.” Furious with himself for having made the statement so baldly, Caine reached for the decanter. With studied calm, he poured a brandy. How could he have known that silence could bring this kind of pain? As he listened to the brandy splash against the gla.s.s, he wondered why he had waited more than thirty years to say those words to a woman to find only emptiness. ”Would you like the statement stricken from the record, counselor?”

”Don't.” Diana squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. ”I don't know what to say to you-or how to handle this. It's easier for you. There've been other women-”

”Other women?” he exploded. He wasn't pale anymore, but his eyes were even darker, more furious than she'd ever seen them. Instinctively, Diana stepped back as he walked toward her. ”How can you say that to me now? What do I have to do to make up for a past that happened before I even met you? And why the h.e.l.l should I?” He gripped her by the shoulders, fingers digging into flesh. ”d.a.m.n it, Diana, I said I love you. I love you.”

His mouth came down on hers in anger and frustration, as if by that alone he could wipe out the hurt she brought him, the doubts he brought her. Something built inside her, threatening to burst Diana dragged herself away with a cry of alarm.

”You frighten me.” Her eyes swam with sudden tears as they faced each other again, their breathing unsteady. ”I said that you didn't, but it was always a lie. From the very beginning-” She choked back a sob and pushed her hair away from her face with both hands. ”You're what I've always avoided. I can't risk it, don't you understand? All of my life someone's played carrot and stick with me. Do this, fit into this mold and you'll have security, you'll have normalcy. I've just found my own mold, I won't fit someone else's expectations now!”

”I'm not asking you to fit anything,” he tossed back. ”I've never asked you to be anyone but yourself.”

Perhaps it was the truth of that which frightened her more than anything else. She dragged a hand through her hair as the last lingering fear broke through. ”How do I know you'll stay? How do I know, if I let myself love you, that one day there wouldn't be someone else, something else, and you'd just walk away? I can handle being alone now, I know how.

But I can't-I won't be left again.”

Caine struggled against fury, against the sense of his own impotence.

”I've asked you more than once to trust me. It's not me that frightens you, Diana. It's ghosts, and your own self-doubt.”

She swallowed, winning the battle of tears. ”You don't understand.

You've never lost everything.”

”So you intend to go through your life never taking a chance because you might lose?” His eyes hardened as they swept her face. ”I never took you for a coward.”

”I choose the chances I take,” she countered furiously. ”I choose. I won't put myself in a position to be hurt, I won't take chances on my career-” ”Why do you automatically a.s.sume I'll hurt you? And what in G.o.d's name does your career have to do with my loving you? I have the same profession, the same demands. Who's asking you to make a choice between love and the law?”

”Did you have to chop down a tree, Caine? We're halfway through the cake and champagne, and...” Serena trailed off as she reached the center of the room. The waves of tension and hurt poured over her so that she stared in awkward silence from Caine to Diana. ”I'm sorry,” she said, knowing of no gracious way to cover up the intrusion. ”I'll tell everyone you're busy.”

”No, please.” Diana met the banked fury in Caine's eyes before turning to his sister. ”Just tell them I'm a bit tired. I'm going to go up now.”

Quickly, without looking back, she walked from the room.

Caine watched her in silence, then turned to retrieve his snifter of brandy from the sideboard.

”Oh, Caine, I'm so sorry. It seems I couldn't have picked a worse time to barge in.”

”It doesn't matter.” He drained the remaining liquor, then poured more.

”We'd said all we had to say.”

”Caine...” Serena went to him, distressed by the controlled voice and stony expression. ”Do you need a sympathetic ear, or solitude?”

”I need a drink,” he answered, taking both the snifter and decanter to a chair. ”I need quite a few of them.”

”You're in love with Diana?”

”Right the first time,” he said, and toasted her.

Ignoring the sarcasm, Serena sat beside him. ”And you'd like to murder her.” ”Right again.”

”It's easy to be right when you've been through it. I don't know what went on in here tonight, but-”

”I told her, in the midst of a nasty little argument, that I was in love with her.” He brought the snifter to his lips again and swallowed deeply. ”It seems my timing-and my delivery-were a bit off.”

”I'm going to do something I despise,” Serena said with a sigh.

”Which is?”

”Give advice.”

”That's my territory, Rena. Save it.”

”Shut up.” Firmly, she took the snifter from his hand and set it down.

”Give her some room, and some time. You're not an easy man to love in the best of circ.u.mstances. I should know.”

”I appreciate the testimonial.”

”Caine, a lot of things have changed in Diana's life very quickly. She's the kind of woman who needs to make her decisions a step at a time-at least she thinks she is.”

He gave a quiet laugh as he leaned back in the chair. ”You were always an excellent judge of character, Rena. You'd have made a h.e.l.l of a lawyer.”

”It comes in handy in my line of work, too.” Reaching out, she took his hand. ”Don't press her, Caine. There are storms inside Diana. Let her battle them out.”

”I might have pressed her too far already.” On a long breath, he shut his eyes. ”Oh, G.o.d, I hurt.” Serena wanted to comfort and forced herself not to. ”Love has to hurt, it's rule number one. Go to bed,” she ordered briskly. ”You'll have a better idea what to do in the morning.”

Caine opened his eyes again. ”It's a h.e.l.l of a thing that I should be sitting here taking advice from the kid sister who sharpened her left jab on me.”

”I'm a comfortable matron now,” Serena said majestically as she patted her stomach.

”Hah!” Caine retorted in an accurate imitation of their father.

”Go to bed,” Serena advised. ”Before I take it into my head to see if that jab's still effective.” Rising, she tugged him to his feet.

”You always were a bossy little busybody,” Caine told her as they walked toward the doorway. ”I'm still crazy about you.”

”Yeah.” Serena grinned up at him. ”Me too.”