Part 7 (1/2)
”The candidate for a.s.sembly in this district, whose trans-Missouri name seems to be Nye, turns out to be the same man who left Pen.o.bscot county, Maine, in the dark of the moon four years ago.
Mr. Nye's disappearance was so mysterious that prominent Pen.o.bscoters, especially the sheriff, offered a large reward for his person. It was afterwards learned that he was kidnapped and taken across the Canadian line by a high-spirited and high-stepping horse valued at $1,300. Mr. Nye's candidacy for the high office to which he aspires has brought him into such prominence that at the ma.s.s meeting held last evening in Jimmy Avery's barber-shop, he was recognized at once by a Maine man while making a telling speech in favor of putting in a stone culvert at the draw above Mandel's ranch. The man from Maine, who is visiting our thriving little town with a view to locating here and establis.h.i.+ng an agency for his world-renowned rock-alum axe-helves, says that Mr. Nye, in the hurry and rush incident to his departure for Canada, overlooked his wife and seven little ones. He also says that the candidate's boasted liberality here is different from the kind he was using while in Maine, and quotes the following incident: Two years before he went away from Pen.o.bscot county, one of our present candidate's children was playing on the railroad track of the Bangor & Moosehead Lake Railroad, when suddenly there was a wild shriek of the iron-horse, a timid, scared cry of the child, and the rus.h.i.+ng train was upon it. Spectators turned away in horror. The air was heavy, and the sun seemed to stop its s.h.i.+ning. Slowly the long freight train, loaded with its rich freight of huckleberries, came to a halt. A glad cry went up from the a.s.sembly as the broad-shouldered engineer came out of the tall gra.s.s with the crowing child in his arms. Then cheer on cheer rent the air, and in the midst of it all, Mr. Nye appeared. He was told of the circ.u.mstance, and, as he wrung the hand of the engineer, tears stood in his eyes. Then, reaching in his pocket, he drew forth a card, and writing his autograph on it, he gave it to the astounded engineer, telling him to use it wisely and not fritter it away. 'But are you not robbing yourself?' exclaimed the astonished and delighted engineer. 'No, oh no,' said the munificent parent, 'I have others left.' And this is the man who asks our suffrages! Will you vote for him or for Alick Meyerdinger, the purest one-legged man that ever rapped with his honest knuckles on top of a bar and asked the boys to put a name to it.”
I was pained to read this, for I had not at that time toyed much with politics, but I went up stairs and practiced an hour or two on a hollow laugh that I thought would hide the pain which seemed to tug at my heart-strings. For the rest of the day I strolled about town bearing a lurid campaign smile that looked about as joyous as the light-hearted gambols of a tin horse.
I visited my groceryman, a man whom I felt that I could trust, and who had honored me in the same way. He said that I ought to be indorsed by my fellow-citizens. ”What! All of them?” I exclaimed, with a choking sensation, for I had once tried to be indorsed by one of my fellow-citizens and was not entirely successful. ”No,” said he, ”but you ought to be ratified and indorsed by those who know you best and love you most.”
”Well,” said I, ”will you attend to that?”
”Yes, of course I will. You must not give up hope. Where do you buy your meat?”
I told him the name of my butcher.
”And do you owe him about the same that you do me?”
I said I didn't think there could be $5 one way or the other.
”Well, give me a memorandum of what you can call to mind that you owe around town. I will see all these parties and we will get them together and work up a strong and hearty home indors.e.m.e.nt for you, which will enable you to settle with all of us at par in the event of your election.”
I gave him a list.
That evening a load of lumber was deposited on my lawn, and a man came in to borrow a few pounds of fence nails. I asked him what he wanted to do, for I thought he was going to nail a campaign lie or something. He said he was the man who was sent up to build a kind of ”trussle” in front of my house. ”What for?” I asked, with eyes like a startled fawn.
”Why, for the speakers to stand on,” he said. ”It is a kind of a combination racket. Something between a home indors.e.m.e.nt and a ma.s.s-meeting of creditors. You are to be surprised and gratified to-morrow evening, as near as I can make out.”
He then built a wobbly scaffold, one end of which was nailed to the bay window of the house.
The next evening my heart swelled when I heard a campaign band coming up the street, trying to see how little it could play and still draw its salary. The band was followed by men with torches, and speakers in carriages. A messenger was sent into the house to tell me that I was about to be waited upon by my old friends and neighbors, who desired to deliver to me their hearty indors.e.m.e.nt, and a large willow-covered two-gallon G.o.dspeed as a mark of esteem.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _”Mr. Nye, on behalf of this vast a.s.semblage (tremulo), I thank G.o.d that you are POOR!!!”_ (Page 115)]
The spokesman, as soon as I had stepped out on my veranda, mounted the improvised platform previously erected, and after a short and debilitated solo and chorus by the band, said as follows, as near as I can now recall his words:
”_Mr. Nye_--
”SIR: We have read with pain the open and venomous attacks of the foul and putrid press of our town, and come here to-night to vindicate by our presence your utter innocence _as_ a man, _as_ a fellow-citizen, _as_ a neighbor, _as_ a father, mother, brother or sister.
”No one could look down into your open face, and deep, earnest lungs, and then doubt you _as_ a man, _as_ a fellow-citizen, _as_ a neighbor, _as_ a father, mother, brother or sister. You came to us a poor man, and staked your all on the growth of this town. We like you because you are still poor. You can not be too poor to suit us. It shows that you are not corrupt.
”Mr. Nye, on behalf of this vast a.s.semblage (tremulo), I thank G.o.d that you are POOR!!!”
He then drew from his pocket a little memorandum, and, holding it up to a torch, so that he could see it better, said that Mr. Limberquid would emit a few desultory remarks.
Mr. Limberquid, to whom I was at that time indebted for past favors in the meat line, or, as you may say, the tenderloin, through no fault of mine, then arose and said, in words and figures as follows, to wit:
”SIR: I desire to say that we who know Mr. Nye best are here to say that he certainly has one of the most charming wives in this territory. What do we care for the vilifications of the press--a press, hired, venial, corrupt, reeking in filth and oozy with the slime of its own impaired circulation, snapping at the heels of its superiors, and steeped in the reeking poison and pollution of its own shopworn and unmarketable opinions?
”We do not care a cuss! (Applause.) What do we care that homely men grudge our candidate his symmetry of form and graceful upholstered carriage? What do we care that calumny crawls out of its hole, calumniates him a couple of times and then goes back? We are here to-night to show by our presence that we like Mrs. Nye very much. She is a good cook, and she would certainly do honor to this district as a social leader, in case she should go to Cheyenne as the wife of our a.s.semblyman. I propose three cheers for her, fellow-citizens.”
(Applause, cheers and throbs of base-drum.)
Mr. Sherrod then said: