Part 5 (1/2)

A recent international poll conducted by the Roper Organization shows that not only are female executives more likely to say they are ”super-stressed” than men, but that white-collar and blue-collar women are equally likely to feel this way.

THE PROBLEM: You feel so overwhelmed by the amount of work on your desk that you can't concentrate.

WHAT TO DO: I remember the exact anecdote that helped me figure out how to cope when I felt overwhelmed. It concerns the 1950s English track star Sir Roger Bannister, who, along with his compet.i.tors, was trying to run the first four-minute mile.

Bannister's coach knew Bannister could run a quarter mile in one minute, sometimes even a little less. So he devised a clever psychological trick: He taught Bannister to stop focusing on the event as one mile long and instead to think of it as four quarter-mile sprints, and to run each one in a minute or less.

Bannister was able to reframe the picture and he broke the record-and was knighted for it two decades later.

By making the ultimate goal seem impossible to attain, we can become immobilized, unable to understand how to get from here to there. But there are few projects that can't be broken into smaller, more manageable pieces, making the distance between here and there seem a great deal closer.

The guy down the hall is clear about this. He knows the drill. He takes the first thing he has to do, concentrates on it, finishes it, then moves on to the second thing, concentrates on it, gets it done, and so on down the line.

Men can work like this because the larger picture doesn't distract them. As we have seen, men compartmentalize. Their lives have parameters; they walk into the office, and they're clear-this is my office, this is what I get paid to do. Like racehorses, men don't mind wearing blinders to help them focus on what needs to be done.

We would have a fit if anyone put blinders on us, because blinders would mean that we couldn't communicate with the other horses, or see which horse is walking down the lane, or who's being fed what. But blinders can be useful. They lead you where you want to go-the finish line.

A woman's work is never done, goes the old saying. Don't you believe it. You can always get your work done, when you focus on the pieces one by one.

10

Don't Anguish.

SITUATION: Two days are left before the big presentation and the work isn't finished.

HIS MOVE: He doesn't let on that he's worried.

HER MOVE: She tells her friends that she knows she won't be ready.

I once knew an exceptionally talented woman who worked for a large company, where she was known as the local Ally McBeal. She told her troubles to everyone who would listen. Every mistake, real or imagined, became the subject of a long conversation. Every self-destructive thought was verbalized. Every dreary moment was grist for the rumor mill.

The woman saw nothing wrong with her behavior. She even volunteered that her therapist (whom everyone heard plenty about) recommended that she share her feelings as often as possible.

As was frequently pointed out, her therapist didn't have to share an office with her. Those who did found themselves so burdened by her inappropriate disclosures that they turned her into a pariah. No one would volunteer to start a project with her. No one would want to take a trip with her. Her career slumped, which made her worry more, which made her talk more.

Remember this: Guys wear their game face. Even when the odds are against them, they still try to look as if they're going to win. And who knows, maybe they will.

Girls are brought up to be nice. In turn, we want everybody and everything else to be nice too. When they aren't, we anguish openly about anything and everything-what's the best restaurant for a client luncheon? Are these the right clothes for the meeting? Is promotion really a possibility? Are the budget projections accurate? Is the weather good?

I'm not saying that guys don't worry. Of course they do. But they know that when the compet.i.tion is intense, you don't let your anxiety show-unless you have a compelling reason to do so. Say the subst.i.tute comes into the game to help charge everyone up. He doesn't tell his teammates that he should be looking after his grandmother, and his foot hurts, and he doesn't want to have to compete against his cousin on the other team.

Women are more apt to show vulnerability than guys in all areas of life; we were encouraged as young girls to tell Mommy what's wrong. We got attention for sharing our problems. ”Does it hurt? Mommy will make it better,” were among the kindest words we heard.

Today you're not worrying about your skinned knee but about tomorrow's presentation, and you're tempted to share your fears with your colleagues. What you want is the same kind of rea.s.surance you got when you were young. ”You'll be fine, you'll do great.”

But the guy in the cubicle next door isn't Daddy. He has no interest in your inner turmoil. And you don't want him to know. Because if he does, someday he could use it against you. That may be unfair, but that's business.

THE PROBLEM: Nervous and stressed out, you want to discuss your problems with others.

WHAT TO DO: Don't. Anguish in private.

But if you absolutely feel you have to confide in a co-worker, pick someone you can trust, someone who won't use your anxiety against you, someone who can help you focus on what needs to be done, rather than on what went wrong.

Bear in mind: If you're anguis.h.i.+ng all the time, you must ask yourself if your work is really the source of your difficulties-or could the real problem be a personal issue that you're reluctant to discuss with your family or close friends?

HINT: If you're a boss, part of your job is to maintain control. That doesn't mean that you can't show you have questions or problems. If your department isn't going to meet its numbers, for instance, it's your responsibility to put your group on notice. But if you start telling everyone that the project is doomed to fail, either you will undermine everyone's self-confidence and the project truly will collapse, or your employees will think of you as a worrywart and they'll stop listening to you.

11

Follow the Team Leader.

SITUATION: Eight people are working on one project under one team leader.

HIS MOVE: He contributes as best he can and reports regularly to the leader.

HER MOVE: She voices her doubts about the project long after it's begun and subtly tries to do things her own way.

Jill, after starting as an a.s.sistant, worked her tail off at her company until she was made a vice president. Last fall she was one of many people attending an industry convention. There, on the morning of her company's gala affair, her boss sought her out to say that he'd just reviewed the details of the party with the new public relations coordinator, and didn't like what he was seeing.

”You know how to give a good party,” he said. ”You know what I like too. Do it.”

Jill could barely respond. She was a vice president, not someone's a.s.sistant. Her calendar was filled with important meetings, and she was well aware the boss would never have similarly commandeered a male employee. Additionally, she liked the new public relations person and knew that taking over her job would damage their relations.h.i.+p.

What did Jill do? She canceled the appointments she could, asked her peers to keep the ones that couldn't be postponed, and threw herself into planning the best party in the convention's history, all in ten hours. The reason: She knew that the boss was the team leader and that the party mattered to him. Even though planning the affair didn't fit her job description, she was aware that by doing it, and by doing it right, she was making herself an indispensable member of the team. She was also showing that the team was more important than her own ego.

The event was fabulous, and her boss, as well as the rest of her team, knew why.

Unfortunately, this story is the exception to the rule. Too many women I know worry so much about protecting their hard-won professional position-or their friends' territory-that they can forget about teamwork.

Boys learn that being part of a team means doing what the leader tells you to do, and shutting up about it. You can argue with the coach when he calls the play. You can point out mistakes. But once the play is in operation, you perform your a.s.signed part to the best of your ability.

Women have little practice following a team leader because of the group orientation of our games. Our social circles, being democratic, made us think everyone was equal.

Consider the following: I recently phoned a department in my office to relay some sensitive information on a breaking story. The boss was on vacation, and the person who took the call was a new employee with little experience handling the kind of story I was reporting, and even less seasoning as a leader. When I asked to speak to the person in charge, she told me, ”No one's in charge. We're doing this as a team effort.”

I didn't have the time to talk to a group, and hung up. I wanted to talk to a leader. Finally I decided not to pa.s.s the tip along. Suppose my information was wrong? Who would check it? Who would give a final go-ahead? And who would be the spokesperson if we needed to do a postmortem? A team isn't a team without a leader.

THE PROBLEM: You're having trouble fitting in because business is a team sport.

WHAT TO DO: Remember that your job is not about you. It's about the team. You have to follow team rules: Play with the big picture in mind: It isn't your job to feel insulted if a particular task seems beneath you. If the situation warrants immediate attention, no one wants to hear about your personal doubts. Your individual concerns, no matter how important to you, are the small picture. The big picture is the team's ability to score a goal. You've been hired because you can contribute to the team. That means you can't get caught up in minutiae or waste energy disliking people or worrying about your own problems.

You don't have to like your teammates, but you do have to stay loyal to them: Regard the least-capable member of your team as a problem to solve, and not a personal affront. A team is only as good as its weakest link. Strengthen that link and you strengthen yourself.