Part 23 (1/2)
”Yes, you would have thrown her back into the sea, for that is the kind of man you are. You care nothing for human life. You dispense with it if it is in your way. It sickens me to think of it.”
”Then, Madam, you had best prepare yourself for this state of sickness. If I have married a lily-livered woman, G.o.d help her, for I will have her obey me and keep her mouth shut when I command it.”
”I have suspected this.”
He came towards me suddenly and caught my arm. ”You have mentioned this to any?”
”To whom should I mention it?”
”To your mother perhaps.”
”How could I? She would be disgusted. She would insist that I return to my home with her.”
He released his grip on my arm. ”This is your home,” he said, ”and by G.o.d, you shall stay in it as long as I wish to keep you. As for your mother's disgust, I do not believe your father is so nice in his ways. I wonder how many Spaniards he has killed.”
”We were always at war with Spain.”
”Was it for war that they met their deaths or because they had gold and treasure? Answer me that.”
I could not. I knew what he said was true. And I knew that my mother, who was honourable and good, remained with my father and loved him in her way, in spite of his bloodstained hands.
I wanted to go away, to be by myself, to think. To ask myself what I wanted to do, for I could not be sure. I wanted to be with Colum. I had to admit it, he satisfied my senses. When we were together I could forget everything. The strength of him, the power he wielded over everything and everyone in the castle. At such times I felt I wanted to be subdued; I welcomed his rough love-making; it satisfied a part of my nature; but when he was not there, when I thought about him I felt repulsed and wanted very much to go back to Lyon Court. I wanted to talk to someone, to understand myself. I could not talk to my mother because what I had to tell I believed would cause her great concern. She would not want me to go on living with a man who lured people to their deaths for the sake of profit. Yet she had lived with my father.
It was a cruel world. Once my mother had said: ”Was it so vicious in the past? Will it be so in the future? I find it hard to reconcile myself to the fury of the times. Perhaps I was born into the wrong world.”
I remembered that now and asked myself: Was I?
Colum was watching me; his black eyes alight with a pa.s.sion that I had seen in the early days of our acquaintance.
He shouted: ”Answer me. Answer me!”
”What other men did has no bearing on this,” I said.
”Has it not? You have a fine opinion of your father. I shall insist that you have as fine a one of your husband.”
”You cannot force people to have opinions.”
”We shall see,” he said. Then he came close to me and took me by the shoulders. ”Now you know the nature of my business,” he said, ”what do you propose to do about it?” I was silent and he went on: ”I will tell you. You will accept it. You will help me in all I do, as a good wife should.”
”I would never help you to ... murder.”
He shook me violently. ”Have done,” he said. ”A s.h.i.+p founders. I have as much right to its cargo as any.”
”A s.h.i.+p that has been helped to founder?”
”Should I be blamed because a captain does not know how to navigate?”
”If you lead him astray with false information, yes, you are to blame. You have caused the death of countless people ... so that you could grow rich on their possessions.”
”Have done, you fool. Why did you have to save that woman from the sea?”
”Because I am not like you ... a murderer.”
”You have brought her into this house with her brat. What good will that do us?”
”At least it has saved two lives to set against all those you have taken.”
”You have the tongue of a shrew.”
”As you have long discovered.”
”And you are too virtuous, are you, to stay under this roof?”
”I ... think I would like to go to stay with my mother.”
”And leave your husband ... and your children?”
”I could take the children with me.”
He laughed. ”Never,” he said. ”Do you think I would allow them to leave this roof? Or you either? They shall be brought up as I wish.”
”You would make a murderer of my son.”
”I would make a man of mine.”
”I will take my daughter and go.”
”You will leave your daughter and stay.”
”I have to think about what I have discovered.”
”There is one lesson you must learn and I had hoped you had learned it by now. I am the master here and of you and my children. You disobeyed me when you brought that woman here.”
”You had given no order that she should not be brought ... Master,” I added with sarcasm.
”Because I had not seen her. She will bring no good to you. Rest a.s.sured of that.”
”I was not thinking of the good that might come my way. She was in distress, and as any normal human being would, I saved her.”
”You are a fool, wife, and I doubt not will live to regret your folly.”
”Why am I foolish?”
”Because she is as she is ...”
”I understand not.”
”You must not think you are the fount of wisdom.”
”I must be alone. I want to think.”