67 I LOVE YOU (1/2)

”I'm sorry Cassidy. I'm so sorry baby.” He said that while still crying, I barely understand what he's saying.

I was crying too, remembering what I felt during that time.

***PAST***

It was when I told him that I was delayed for a month, and then when I took the pregnancy test, it revealed a positive result. When I saw that two line, I was both happy and sad. I really couldn't understand myself. But the first thing I did was go to a hospital to confirm, and yes it was.

I postponed saying the news to Ethan because it was his exam week. And I don't want to affect his academic performance, it was his dream. And so, I endured. Even when I felt so nauseated when I pass by the school cafeteria, I endured. I seldom go out with my friends that time, afraid that they would notice.

After his exam, I texted him that I want to have dinner with him. And I don't know but I think when you're pregnant, you're always in heat. So, we had sex that night. I stayed with him and in the morning during breakfast, I took up the courage and told him.

But before I could tell him, he said he'd wanted to break up. He said we need time for ourselves because we can't stop having sex. We had decided before to tone it down, but with the way he saw things are going, he really can't control it. He wants more and more.

I cried. He did too. I didn't know what got into me but I told him I was pregnant. And then he stopped crying all of a sudden and stared vacantly.

I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer. I stayed there to finish my meal, but still Ethan's not moving. I was starting to worry.

”Ethan?” I said, shaking his shoulders to get his attention.

He looked at me dazedly and uttered, ”What did you say? You're pregnant?”

I nodded.

He inhaled deeply, and then, ”Cassidy, go home. Please get out.”

”But Ethan-”

”I said go. I'll contact you later.”

And then I went out and handled it on my own. I decided to abort the child in an illegal clinic. Thankfully,I didn't bleed so much and so, it was safe. And then I texted Ethan, saying 'The child is gone. You are free. Goodbye.'

And then I cried my heart out at my dorm.

******

”Cassidy.”

I heard my name and I was pulled away from that past. I just noticed that Ethan is sitting beside me at the couch, looking at me with a pained expression. I think he brought me here when he noticed I wasn't listening.

”Cassidy, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I left you in that moment. I'm sorry I'm sorry..”

He repeated saying sorry for god knows how long while crying. And I cried too. Cried so much that it hurts.

When we broke away I said to him and smiled painfully, ”It's okay Ethan. What's done is done. You made a mistake, I had mine. We were both to be blamed. But we are starting a new life now. So, let's live it as wonderfully as we can make it.”

He sighed. ”I don't know if I could do that.”

”Ethan, you can. I did it, and you will. Maybe it's not yet now but believe me it will.”