40 NEVER WANT TO LOVE (1/2)

We were kissing passionately. He was holding my waist and my neck. My arms were around his head, hands pulling his hair. We were grinding our bodies against each other. I hear his heavy breaths, and I'm turned on even more.

Maybe due to some position changes, I felt his hard rod. I inhaled sharply, the size of this! I arched my body up to meet my lower body to his. Oh this is...

I moaned.

He stiffened. And then he moved his face to my neck, breathing heavily.

I was breathing heavily too. I was a little disappointed because he stopped, and I really wanna ask him why. But I controlled myself and let him decide of the right moment to speak.

”Cass, we shouldn't be doing this. It's not right.”

I stroked his head lightly, encouraging him to continue.

”I..I think I won't be able to control myself if we have moved further. It's not right. We are not yet married. Hell, we're not even together yet. So no.”

And then he kissed me on my cheek then ran towards the bathroom.

I stayed lying on the bed, deeply thinking about Minho's words.

Why did he stop? He says it's not right.

Why is it not right? Does he mean it's not yet the right time? That would be sweet. But what if he means it's not right for him because he's gay? Oh what on earth am I saying. Of course Minho's not gay. And besides, he even said he can't control himself.

So, am I that tempting and irresistible for him? I giggled. Oh I wanted so, so much to tease him.

But, he says it's not right, which brings us back to the first question. And so the answer for it is surely the second one.

I teared up. If it really is his intention, then I don't know if I'm the right one for him. He is so perfect, he respects a woman's dignity. Men like him are so sparse in this world. How could I even meet someone like him?

Me! Who lost all my virginity, who gave everything to a man. A man who gave me so much happiness but broke up with me when faced with a difficult problem. A man who still uses me even after breaking up, for his own personal gains!

I sobbed there silently while punching my chest. Painful, so painful.

I tried to redirect my mind to ease it and my eyes fell on the window. I watched the snow falling down. I thought that if I turn my heart as cold as ice, I may not feel this pain anymore.

I don't know how long Minho's gonna stay inside the bathroom, but I feel I'm somewhat suffocated here inside.