Chapter 591 - I Would Rather Have Been One-sided (1/2)
This was something that had been firmly held in his heart since he was a teenager. He was like a little boy who didn't know anything, who quickly grabbed a piece of pumice wood in front of him to keep himself from drowning in various things in this world.
”You always ask me why other people can, but you can't.” Qin Gengxin suddenly looked at Xian Guiying and said softly, ”I'll tell you now.”
For some reason, Xian Guiying felt suffocated.
She had known Qin Gengxin for too long, and he had never said this much in front of others, nor had he ever shared his thoughts with anyone.
He was always like that, whatever he wanted, he didn't need anyone to understand, he never explained, and he didn't have the patience to explain anything either for a person or for a matter.
His words, ”I'll tell you now,” were something Xian Guiying had expected after so many years of marriage. She clearly had a sliver of expectation, but when she thought about it carefully, her expression instantly turned cold.
Her expression didn't change. After all, Qin Gengxin was the one who wanted to talk, so she just quietly listened and didn't interrupt.
”Why can't you be the only one?” Qin Gengxin looked at her and said seriously, ”Because I care about you, Guiying. I don't want you to be hurt by my ridiculous stubbornness towards Jiang Ruolan. I can be rude to other women and act on the spot. Even when they fall in love with me, I can still retreat cleanly because the future is too unknown. I am not a good person, Guiying. I can't provide and give you anything that you want, but at the same time, I don't want to hurt you, either.”
”So even though I knew your thoughts from the beginning, I still pretended not to know. And until you revealed it all. When you asked me with red eyes why I couldn't consider you, I just...Whether I answer it or not, you still won't be spared from the heartbreak, that's why I kept my distance from you. I want to lessen your pain.”
He fixed his gaze on her. ”Xian Guiying, do you know what I thought when I found out that you were pregnant with my flesh and blood and hid it from me for seven months?”
”Hate me?” Xian Guiying finally spoke.
”Hate?” Qin Gengxin laughed. It was only after a long while that he retracted his smile and looked into her eyes. ”Perhaps I should hate myself. I was just very confused. After I found out that Jiang Ruolan was married to Xian Zihao, I felt so confused for a long time. That was the most perplexing time for me in the past thirty years. Men are indeed not like women, who will cry whenever they feel wronged, but the heart is still made of flesh, and there are times when Qin Gengxin is weak. ”
”My life was already messed up and before I could sort everything out, I found out about your pregnancy. When I learned the reason for your pregnancy, I only felt that it was a bolt out of the blue. Although I drink a lot and am occasionally drunk, I still have my own awareness. In our circle, there are a lot of women who want to get into my bed, but even when I'm drunk, no woman has ever succeeded.”
He paused. ”Just you.”
”Afterwards, I couldn't even remember your face at all and then, you got pregnant. For seven months, I didn't know you carried my flesh and blood. Hate was not the word I would use, but anger does exist.”
He looked at her seriously, ”The relationship between the Xian Family and the Qin Family is something that cannot be joked around. This matter not only will destroy you but also damage the relationship between our family, as well as the relationship between your brother and me.”
”Do you know?” Qin Gengxin narrowed his eyes and looked at Xian Guiying's face intensely. ”When I kicked open the door to the Xian Family's hall and saw you were kneeling on the ground with such a big stomach and realized that it was my child, at that moment, I felt deceived. The anger of being fooled flooded my head. Do you know how much self-control I had to use back then in order not to tear down that hall?”