242 Let it all Come Naturally (1/2)

With everybody finally settled down, I walked over to the open spot for me on the bed and sat down. I surveyed everyone in the room, taking in their countenances. Irina, Muria, and Alvelyn seemed to be chatting among themselves for the time being, and over at my computer desk, Erith was examining my wireless gaming mouse as Luna observed her.

”So,” Loyd finally began speaking. ”We thought that we would come by and see how you're doing.”

”You wouldn't believe how shocked we were when we found you and Muria,” Luna said. ”You were wounded pretty badly that the rescue team had to call in a helicopter to get you to the hospital.”

”But to think that none of the park rangers knew about that asylum,” Noah sighed and shook his head in disbelief.

”Did you kill that Thing on your own?” Zaksus then asked me with an inquiring look on his face.

”Y-Yeah,” I nodded, bracing myself for the aftermath of admitting to this.

On their faces were looks of shock as they looked at me in silence. I sat there, grimacing somewhat as I endured this silent session of judgement. Would they call me a monster for taking the lives of the Warden and those Patients in the prison cells? If they do, then I guess I have no choice but to accept it. If I were in their shoes, I would probably think that I am a monster as well. Ordinary teenagers can't kill without feeling repulsed by their actions. In fact, ordinary people cannot even kill animals like dogs and such without feeling that disgusting feeling of repulsion.

Bring it on then, I thought as I lowered my head.

Hate me, fear me, it doesn't matter at all. All that it will do to me is that I go back to being alone. Not like I have never been there before.

”He protected me,” Muria said out loud, breaking the silence.

Her words, they were in an attempt to defend me. It made me rather surprised, causing me to glance over at her. For a second there, I could swear that the image of the woman in my vision seemed to overlap with her's.

”Yeah,” Zaksus nodded with a disgusted look on his face. ”There were some...weird shit going on in the cells when we passed by them as well.”

”To think that is what they do to the females that they find,” Loyd shook his head in disapproval.

”That was just horrible,” Luna acknowledged.

”If it weren't for Alevian,” Irina whispered as she looked over at Muria with a frightened look on her face. ”Then Muria would've...”

”Didn't know that the boy had that in him,” Erith commented with a smirk. ”Body badly beaten and battered, yet still willing to go to that extent to protect her... Say, do you have a crush on Muria over there?”

Erith's teasing inquiring led to a slight frown from Irina as she paid further attention to the outcome of this conversation. Next to Erith, although Luna remained silent, she seemed to be focusing in on the topic as well with a curious look on her face.

”I...” I was caught off guard by this sudden question and didn't know what to say. ”She was about to be raped in front of me,” I continued after gathering my thoughts.

”So what you're saying is that you'll do that for any of us?” Erith asked. On her face, there was a calm and amused expression.

”Probably. Why are you all looking so shocked?” I commented after noticing the looks of surprise on both Irina and Luna's face.

”No,” Irina explained as she smiled. ”It's just that to think you would go to that extent for us.”

Well, that is what I am saying right now, but anyone can talk. It's easy to be spitting out stuff that sounds admirable and such, but can you prove it. That is the real question. I don't know what emotions I was feeling when I prepared myself to fight the Warden and had Muria flee, but now that I think back about it, it must've been out of self-defense as I do not understand that feeling in my heart and I seriously doubt that I could make any better judgement when adrenaline had taken control. If self-defense is the case then, it makes sense. I had Muria to run off to not be a burden, and when I woke up from being unconscious, even though that vision I saw when I was unconscious played a role, the only rational reasoning is that I only did it out of self-defense and that saving Muria was a secondary objective. Yet...if I recalled correctly, I was mostly thinking about a promise that was made and wanting to fulfill that promise. Then...that doesn't change the selfish nature of my actions. I only protected her so that I would be able to keep my promise, not to protect her. If I think about it rationally like this, my actions were all for myself. I am such a selfish scum of a person...

With a feeling of disappointment, I shook my head and chuckled quietly as I mocked myself. Even though I am simply doing these things to fulfill myself, I have the face to sit here and take the credit... Talk about a literal trash of a person. I am the lowest epitome of a human, maybe even something beneath that. It is the reason why I am alone.

I looked up and surveyed the room, taking in everyone present.

The people present right now...I still do not understand why they are here? Is it just to mock me? They're probably making fun of me right now in their minds. Once they leave today, they'll probably go on a group chat that excludes me and mock me on that platform. Maybe I'm just a toy for them to entertain themselves with. Kindness? Care? Those are all probably lies. The only people in this world that will not betray me is Loriana and Alvelyn...

With that realization, I frowned, sinking into a state of uneasiness.

Everything is a lie...It is all—

”Would y'all do the same for him?” Noah suddenly asked, penetrating my bubble of melancholy with this question.