134 Final Decision (1/2)

”Hmm,” Luna exclaimed as she placed the last of her cheesecake into her mouth. ”Cheesecakes are the best.”

I remained silent as I watched as she enjoyed her favorite dessert, taking in how happy she appeared. From my experience with her, whenever we were to go out to eat and if cheesecakes are available to order, she would always order it, no matter what. Every time she would eat one, on her face would be a look of great relaxation and joy, almost as if she was born to enjoy the sweetness of the delicious sweet dessert. To allow her to enjoy that joy to the greatest extent, I remained silent, but it was also for myself as well. The bitterness of the black coffee still lingered about in my mouth and even the sweet muffin that I consumed was unable to cleanse my palates.

I looked down at the table with disturbed eyes as I contemplated what it was that I had experienced today. It was weird, like really weird for me. I'm confused as to why I would be put in such a foul mood by her simple statement that we're simply just friends, and for some reason, that mood turned into a strong bitterness when she revealed to me that her heart was still lingering on someone else. I'm confused, like really confused. There's just so much going on inside her labyrinth of a mind that I can not find a way out. Everything's just so complicated with her, and despite her outgoing and carefree nature, I still cannot see into the depths of her soul.

I'm probably bothered by another thing. Why is it that she chose to torment me with the news of her death? And it just so happens to be after I developed a great interest in her character that this all occurred... It's almost as if it was planned, but... maybe it's not and it's just how things are supposed to go. Maybe this is what people call fate, but why must we obey what fate has planned? Why must I suffer from seeing her, this energetic and optimistic girl, slowly lose her charm as she slowly succumbs to the wrath of her disease. Who am I to her? What does she mean by I'm more than a friend? What does any of her actions mean?

”This place is pretty good,” Luna said out loud. ”Maybe I should stop by with Erith someday in the future.”

”Luna,” I started speaking. My voice was oddly quiet as it encompassed my clouded state of mind and represented the great uncertainty and confusion I felt inside. This voice of mine will be asking her about the one question that I feel as if that is truly bothering me, so I calculated the diction and syntax of the question, hoping to communicate to her how lost I am in this labyrinth of hers. How I hope that I'm given a simple rope to find my way about this complicated maze of hers...

”Yeah?” she looked over at me with a casual smile on her face.

”In your eyes,” I said after a momentary pause of nervousness. Then, I let out a sigh as I finally gathered enough courage and continued with my inquiry. ”What am I?”

”Didn't I answer that already?” she said with an oblivious look on her face as she was unaware of my mental struggles and continued on as if everything was as usual.”Your more than a friend.”

More than a friend... I sighed in my mind. If one's relationship can be split into pyramids, with strangers being at the very bottom and with family being at the very top, then I believe I am stuck in a purgatory hell that's slightly above friends. If one separates the grouping of friends into normal friends and dear friends, then I would say that dear friends will be right next to lover being both people that one can share their secrets with. However, only lovers can become family, and a dear friend will only remain a dear friend. Nothing will change for me, but maybe this is for the better. Even though I know this fact, I still cannot bring my mind away from how bitter the coffee was.

”As in you're someone that's very special to me,” she continued with a playful smile on her face. ”Alevian,” she then said in a firm voice as she gazed into my eyes. ”Out of the few people in this world that know of my condition, you're the only one that I chose to know about it. The others are the doctors who diagnosed me and my parents, who I could not choose to refrain them access to this information.” Then, she leaned forward so that her lips were near my ear. ”You're the person that I chose to accompany me until the very end.”

So that's what she meant...