86 Rooftop (1/2)

”Avoiding you?” I said. Subconsciously, I wanted to take a step back and flee the scene. However, her hand that was holding onto mine prevented me from doing so by simply connecting our bodies and providing my with the evidence of her existence.

”Yeah,” Luna continued. She then released my hand and slowly turned around to face me. ”Why're you avoiding me?”

”I...” I lowered my head in defeat, knowing that I do not have any ammunition to refute her claim.

She's right. I was avoiding her. I didn't know how to face her after that night. Why did she tell me about her sickness? What was the meaning of that? I was afraid to learn more, afraid that my emotional investment will increase and when it comes time for us to say goodbye, I wouldn't be able to let go.

”You're afraid you're gonna miss me?” Her facial expression softened as she gazed at my troubled face. She seemed to be quite glad to see how bothered I was by the news of her illness, but at the same time, hoping that I wouldn't display such a countenance. ”I'm not going to die until sometime near graduation,” she said while smiling.

”That,” I weakly forced out.

”Huh?” She seemed to have heard what I had whispered but didn't know what I meant.

I gazed at her in silence, feeling a great urge to cry but there were no tears. That feeling remained pent up within me, slowly building itself up, causing my mind to be filled with such awful and gloomy thoughts. However, I must ask her. I must find out why she can still be so optimistic about the world despite her grave future.

”Why?” I asked, feeling as the symptoms of crying slowly established themselves without any real tears. I still wasn't sure as to why I would suffer in this manner... ”Why can you still smile?”

”...”

Her countenance remained blank as she stared at me. Her eyes observed my facial expressions, trying to decipher what I was feeling and the reasoning behind that question. However, she appeared to be content with what she had discovered from me and engendered an answer to my question.

”Why shouldn't I?” she asked me and smiled once again.

That smile was one that appreciated life, one that flashed so much vitality and vigor that I could not believe someone who was capable of showcasing such a beautiful and lively smile would lose their life in the near future. I just can't get myself to believe it and yet... it's the reality.

”For me,” she then continued to say as she approached the chain-linked fences and looked up at the blue sky overhead. ”I smile because I don't have much time left.”

I remained silent as I allowed my eyes to follow after her. They saw how she moved her hand to her hair in order to prevent the autumn breeze from messing with it and took in the beauty in her behavior. My eyes was focused on this girl who was still alive, whose heart still beat in her chest, and whose lungs still took in air. She was alive at that moment, and she was alive in the next. That cycle will continue until she was alive for the last moment of her life, and when the next moment arrives, that heart of hers will pause forever.

Luna understands this. She knows that her time left here in this world is limited. Therefore, that's why she smiled. That's why she remained optimistic when viewing this world. It's the reason why she was able to be the exact opposite as me and allow her mind to roam freely in the world while I rot away in my prison cell.

”I smile now—” She turned around to smile at me. The wind continued to blow her hair to the side, but just so that her hair avoided her face. ”—so that I won't have any regrets when I can't.”

”Luna...”

Once again, I felt the urge to weep, and once again, there were no real tears. However, this time, that feeling to weep wasn't from sadness. Rather, it was from my heart being touched. At that instant, it was as if she had reached her hands in between the bars of my prison cell and I had returned the gesture. At that moment, we had our first heart to heart. It was a conversation between a dying girl who remained optimistic and happy about the world and a gloomy boy whose entire existence has been in shackles.

”So Alevian,” she whispered as she smiled at me. ”Don't be sad.”