38 What is it that I Wanted (2/2)

”Sure,” I agreed.

I was more than happy to sit down since my legs were starting to become weak from all the acting I had done. We ordered two drinks and once the drinks were ready, we found a seat by the window and sat down. I gazed out the window as I sucked on the straw of my drink, taking in the sweetness of the vanilla blended drink. Time quickly passed and the world gradually became darker and darker. The street lights soon turned on when dusk approached and the rain continued to pour.

”Alevian,” Loriana attracted my attention, causing me to look over at her. ”Did you have fun today?”

”Yeah,” I responded.

That response from me wasn't a lie or part of an act. Maybe not exactly though, but I did feel quite content with what we did today, minus the mission Ralus sent me. If that didn't exist, then the day would've been perfect. However, if Ralus never sent that mission to me, then we would've probably went home immediately after eating according to my nature. Then, I would more than likely lock myself up in my room and have little to no interaction with Loriana. I would be in my lonely world, all alone, and she will probably be alone too. Come to think of it, the two of us are so similar yet so different. Loriana and I are both not the type that excels in socializing, although she is better at me in that field. We're different types of people. Maybe that is why. Loriana, she's the type that excels in the job ascribed to her, the type of person that people look up to. As for me, I'm the type that people will forget about, the one that's always in the corner and his presence bringing no meaning to the group as a whole.

My life...it can or cannot exist. My existence is none the matter to many in this world. Maybe if I were to be gone, then life would've been better. If it weren't for me, then Loriana wouldn't have to break up with her then boyfriend at the time she took me in. If it weren't for me, she would've have more financial freedom. If it weren't for me, she would've have more freedom. Me being gone would not change anything in this world. Rather, it would bring about even more benefits to it. But then...

I could see some tears forming in my eyes in the reflection of the window as I thought of it.

But then why is it that I want to live? I don't want to die...I don't want to be alone forever in that darkness. Maybe, deep down inside me, maybe there exists a young boy that has locked himself away behind this facade of mine to hide from the cruelties of reality. Maybe...it is that young boy that is the real me. Then if so, why has it come o the point that I've almost forgotten about him already? I'm all that he's got, the last barrier separating this cruel world from him. Please world...don't fully consume my innocence.

”Alevian?” Loriana saw the single line of tears that rolled down my cheeks.

”It's nothing,” I quickly wiped it away. ”Really.”

”Are you alright?” she asked?

Her voice was so gentle to the ears...so soothing as it entered through my ears and permeated my entire body. I could feel warmth in her concern for me. Maybe that is all that I had ever wanted in life: to be cared for.

”I'm fine,” I said, wiping away the tears that was forming and falling at a rapid pace.

My vision blurred as I was unable to control the tears of fatigue as it rolled out of my eyes.

”Here.”

Loriana took out her handkerchief and began wiping my the tears away from my face. She had to stand up to do so, which attracted attention to her, but she didn't care. At that moment of time, all that she could see in her eyes is me, and I know it. That idea comforted me, knowing that she actually cares for me.

”Thank you,” I sobbed as the tears finally started to slow down. ”I must be tired.”

”Yeah,” Loriana frowned. ”Let's head back to the car for now.”

”Yeah,” I agreed, not thinking of the mission anymore at that moment and time.

***

When we returned to the car and drove out of the parking lot, night had already set in. The nighttime streets of Azavak were still bright, although not as prosperous and busy as those in Nocisinis and Lumina. However, I didn't pay much attention to the outside scenery. That is, until we stopped for fuel when I noticed the whole street filled with lover hotels.