38 Chapter 38 (1/2)

The next day, during lunch break, Refus roamed the halls rather than sit in the teacher's lounge like usual. He was worried about what Ryan was thinking, but he couldn't think of anything to say to him or ask him. He couldn't really think of anything to say to Rose either. He knew she was probably more worried about Ryan than he was. After a while of walking and thinking, he hears footsteps coming from the principal's office. When he turns and looks down the hallways towards Ryan's office, he saw Sarah coming out of the office. ”Oh, hey” she says. ”It's you again... Rose's friend”.

”Refus” he says as he extends a hand out to shake her hand. ”I wouldn't exactly say I'm Rose's friend. She's kinda a hard person to read”.

”Yeah... that we can agree on” Sarah says as she slowly shakes his hand. ”Did you need to speak to gramps also?”.

”Yeah, w-well... no” Refus says. ”I'm not really sure. I'm not even sure what I can say to him right now. There's a lot I want to know, but Ryan... I just don't really know how to ask him about anything”.

”Sounds confusing” Sarah says.

”He's told me about a lot of things” Refus says, ”like... Emily”.

Sarah's face seems to immediately drop into an expression of depression. ”What about... Emily?” She asks.

”Well, I haven't heard the whole story” Refus says, ”but I know about... well, you're her mother, right?”.

Sarah looks down at the floor and says ”Yeah”.

”I'm sorry” Refus says, ”I didn't want to bring down everyone's mood like that. Want to try talking it over lunch? I haven't eaten yet, and I'm sure it's not exactly an easy thing to talk about. I just want to hear your side of the story too, since I'm trying to help Ryan and Rose out here...”.

”Has Rose figured it out?” Sarah asks.

”No, she doesn't know” Refus says. ”Ryan has told me, but he hasn't told Rose”.

”So what did you want to know?” Sarah asks.

Refus pulls out that letter he received from Ryan. He kept it in one of the inside pockets of his jacket. He waves the envelope in front of Sarah and says ”I want to know everything that's on this letter”.

”Ryan gave you that?” Sarah asks.

”It's one of the reasons I want to know” Refus says. ”I wasn't told the full story, and the way Ryan is talking... it makes me worry about the details”.

”I see...” Sarah says. ”Then you're supposed to hold onto that until...?”.

”Until worse comes to worst” Refus says. ”That's about all I understand of this issue, really. Ryan says he's preparing for the worst... judging from how he's talking, he thinks he may not be able to tell Rose about any of the things he promised. D-did he tell you that he was going to explain it to Rose eventually?”.

”Well... something like that” Sarah says. ”What he really told me is that I can't hide it forever and need to confront my sister about it, if I'm ever going to try asking for her sympathy. I guess you're the keeper then...”.

”Keeper?” Refus asks. ”Keeper of the letter?”.

”Yeah” Sarah says as she tilts her head to the side. ”What else?”.

”Couldn't you just say messenger?” Refus asks.

Sarah almost seems to cheer up as she says ”Didn't you mention lunch?”.

The two of them eat off of the school campus. ”I didn't really like laibah before” Sarah says, ”kinda like gramps. I don't know if he's told you about that yet”.

”He... has not” Refus says.

”Ah, well” Sarah continues to say as she eats, ”we both used to have our own... personal issues with laibah. Over time, we both found some way to grow out of it. For me, I just simply gave up on life... no longer saw a reason to put in effort for hate. You know how chronic depression is, right?”.

”I can't say that I do” Refus says.

”Anyways” Sarah continues, ”I just kinda lost my light... Over time, whenever I began meeting more and more people who were laibah-”.

”You began to get along with them more?” Refus interrupts.

”No...” Sarah says. ”No, that's not it. I just came to this point where I simply just did not care. I figured 'Meh, doesn't concern me. I'm just waiting until I can go to sleep and avoid everyone' while stuck in my depressive mood. My actual changing point was when I heard from Ryan about the parents who adopted Emily. Man, I really HATED that! I couldn't stand the thought of my baby being taken in by laibah at first! I stressed so much about it, that I even asked Ryan if he could help me keep tabs on those parents who took her in. That's when Ryan introduced me to an old woman who worked at that clothing store nearby. Someone by the name of Matilda”.

”Oh yeah, I've met her” Refus says.

”Well, Matilda really worked miracles” Sarah says. ”I mean... that's over exaggerating, but still! When I met her as a contact for those parents, I asked her to keep her eyes peeled for anything those two might do. That's when she looked me in the eyes and said 'If you're so worried about her, then why would you have given up such a magnificent child?'. At first, I was enraged... I mean, of course I was. Who wouldn't be in that scenario? But then, Matilda showed me those two caring for the baby better than I ever could. She would show me footage of the store's security cams and pictures they've taken with Emily. They always looked so happy, as if she alone was the guiding light in their life. I broke out in tears, and... well, Matilda never held it against me. Together, she and Ryan spent a lot of time trying to convince me that she's in good hands. I spent a couple months talking to Matilda, constantly asking about news with Emily. Eventually, I ran into the parents themselves at the store. To my surprise, Matilda had already told them about me. You know what that father did the moment he saw me?”.

”What?” Refus asks.

”He ran up to me, and he hugged me” Sarah says. ”He cried and thanked me for the child, and then briefly begged me to not feel bad about having to give up my child. Their mother even began asking me for forgiveness, but I couldn't come to terms with them asking me for forgiveness. Hell, I couldn't even stand on my own two feet at the time”.

”What do you mean?” Refus asks.

”I broke down” Sarah says. ”I cried a lot... then asked them to forgive me. Silly, huh?”.

”That's not silly” Refus says. ”That shows that even if you went through all those... dark times, that somewhere in there, you're still human”.

”Pfft, in my experience” Sarah says, ”being human isn't all that much to begin with”.

”Well” Refus says, ”a human heart... the metaphorical heart, of course... and a laibah heart are two in the same. It wouldn't be right if I said that you had a laibah heart, now would it?”.

”Yeah... I think I get what you mean” Sarah says.

”Point is” Refus says, ”you fought your way through life to get where you are now. Do you feel like any better of a person yet?”.

”I don't... really know” Sarah says.

”Well, someday, you'll have to talk with Rose about all of that” Refus says. ”So it was never my position to tell someone what I think of their past. Although, I am thankful I at least understand a little bit about what I'm trying to help with around here”.

”You don't think less of me or Ryan because I've told you about how we didn't originally get along with laibah, do you?” Sarah asks.

”Why would I?” Refus asks. ”You can't be mad at someone for maturing to a point before meeting them. It's not where you start that matters to me. It's where you take your journey that makes an impact on the world”.