34 The Morning After (1/2)

'What have I done?' Sitting alone in the living room which lights had already been switched off by Joann before she retired to her bedroom, this thought circulated around Mrs. Xiu's mind like a stubborn fly that refused to leave.

”Mom! I am sorry…” When Xiu Ling's apology drifted into her ears through the closed door, it was like a knife had stuck deep into her heart. Her mind went blank and only one question remained, 'What have I done?'

'I am supposed to be here to help Xiu Ling. Will Lin Kang punish Xiu Ling on the account of my impudence? Will that horrible mother-in-law of hers bully her now that I am not there to shoulder some of the fire? Will Xiu Ling be punished due to my transgression? What will Xiu Ling do being left all alone, helpless and friendless in that cold and cruel household? Who will look after her and be her ally?'

'Of course, they will have no qualm tossing Xiu Ling out alongside with me but will Lin family allow Lin Xi to follow her?' The answer to that question was clear as day in Mrs. Xiu's mind, 'Of course not.'

'Xiu Ling has sacrificed herself to stay at Lin family for the sake of Lin Xi and now I have practically maneuvered her into the harsh position of picking between her mother and her son… Why did I lose my cool? What have I done?'

A pervading sense of guilt pressed down on Mrs. Xiu and it made her lose sight of the fact that all she ever did was to save Xiu Ling, technically she had done nothing wrong. Perhaps this was a common problem to all single parent, the sense of guilt that could not be shaken for bringing their child into an incomplete family. It would resurface at times to colour their perspective on life as well as distort their perception of cause and effect for certain incidents.

On top of the shock from being chased out of the house, this was the reason why Xu Jing and Joann found Mrs. Xiu in that soulless state when they went to fetch her, she was too embroiled in her regret and guilt.

After a sleepless night with many questions crowding her mind, Mrs. Xiu finally came to a decision when the sun climbed up the horizon the next morning. She hauled all her luggage and left a note on the living room coffee table before leaving the house and went on her way.

…

Xiu Ling's negotiation with Lin Kang that morning at the breakfast table went better than she expected. She had just brought up the topic of visiting Joann when the man gave her the permission directly. She did not even have to launch into the spiel that she had prepared for the occasion.

Lin Kang noted how cautious and touchy Xiu Ling was at the breakfast table and he felt weirdly agitated. When he heard her request, he approved it easily simply because he wanted to get her out of his sight.