36 Chapter 30: What do You See in Me? (2/2)

I cried in front of Ciel.

Someone who I thought would be my friend.

He kept telling me that I need not mind it, and that he was happy that he was able to be of help to me.

And, yes. Truth be told, I was more than happy upon hearing that. Hearing him say that to me made my heart flutter all the while. That added to my embarrassment of treating him as if he is my mother, I could no longer look at him in the face.

Few days have already passed since then, yet I still cannot find the courage to bring back my usual self when I talk to him.

It was such a mystery, even to me.

When he was still a Poltergeist, I could only see him as a wonderful friend to have. Much like how Purin is to me. Moreover, he was my life's savior. I owe him my very life.

I know.

He saved me. He pushed me out of my zone. He brought new worlds to me. I have never been so happy ever since that day when I could only succumb to the curse of death.

He is the one who gave me a second chance at life.

I am happy that I met him.

That alone is true.

Ciel: ”Can I ask you to do something?”

He is calling out to me.

Fleur: ”Hyesh?!”

How embarrassing… I let out that kind of voice to him. Hearing his voice alone, I can feel my heart almost popping out of my chest.

It is a mystery, even to me.

He, who I saw as my own mother, would make me feel this way. Is it because of the embarrassment from that day? Is it because I saw his bare body?

My mind is in disorder…

I feel the blood rushing from my extremities, up to my cheeks, as a result.

Ciel: ”You see… Can I ask you to tie my hair? It's long, and I'm still not sure if I can cut it by myself. So I want to tie it for now.”

He asked me to tie his hair.

Certainly, there is no reason for me to refuse.

So I went with his request.

I remember my mother asking me the same thing when I was a child. No matter how unskillful I did her hair, at the end of it, she would smile and tell me that it is the most beautiful work she had ever seen.

Now that I am no longer a child, I know that was not the case at all. But that did not make me unhappy even the least. She was the best mother I could ever have.

Ciel and I spent the time conversing about my mother, him saying that he wanted to hear more about her. I did not notice that I was just combing his hair, instead of actually tying it. But he did not mind. Moreover, he happily closed his eyes, as if to enjoy what I am doing for him.

I am happy that he feels so.

I am happy that Ciel feels so.

… But…

Why Ciel?

Ciel: ”Then… What do you see in me?”

… His inquiry caught me in surprise. It was as if a lightning struck my inner being, my mind froze for an instant. However, I understood what he meant. The moment he leaned his head on my tummy.

I see… Now it makes sense. So that is what this feeling is. Now I understand completely.

He wanted to ask if him being here with me only reminds me of my darkest moments. That looking a lot like my mother, would only bring grief to me. Truly, it brought back a lot of memories…

Good ones…

Bad ones…

But that is not it. That is not it, Fleur.

He only wanted me to be happy, that is why he accepted my tantrum the other day. I merely could not control my emotions. Yet he… He still accepted my twisted feelings.

And now... He is even thinking of me. Of my feelings. I am the one who is in his mind, right now. Not anyone else. Not his sister, nor his mother. It is I.

I cannot help but smile, tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

He truly is kind.

Gentle.

Like a warm breeze of air, melting my frostbitten heart.

His kindness alone was what I truly wished for. Not anyone's, but Ciel's.

Ciel's kindness.

Then what is there to answer? What is there that I see? What is there to see?

Only one.

Fleur: ”Y-You are Ciel to me.”

I used my hands to cover his eyes.

I did not want him to see my face right now. I must be wearing an embarrassing look at the moment. I feel my sweat trickling down my forehead, and my face blushing from the heat.

Realizing things is a lot more draining, as it seems…

My mother is gone, that is already a fact. I had been running away from the truth, wishing the maybe this is all just a bad dream.

That I will wake up one day, seeing her smile that i loved once again.

But no. This is not a dream. This is reality.

Ciel made me realize that. I realize that.

I felt like the chain that was binding me has now finally been broken, and made me free. A load off my shoulders and feet.

The tears that I shed when I first saw Ciel's appearance…

Fleur: ”You are Ciel.”

… was the last of my memories with my late mother.

Ciel: ”… Thank goodness.”

He smiled, letting more of his weight to lean on me.

He should be looking a lot like my mother. Certainly, I did feel so.

… Until he asked me to tie his hair.

He appears similar to my mother…

Yet…

Now, I can only see Ciel.

What was I confused for, I wonder? I feel so foolish for thinking that he is my mother.

Fleur: ”… There must be something wrong with me for me to think this way.”

After all what happened the other day. Fufu.

Thank you, Ciel.

Thank you very much, for being there.

…

..

.

Chapter End