22 Chapter 21: Ishib il ? (1/2)
Notes:
This chapter contains heavy angst and explicit self-harm so please take that in consideration if you decide to read it ~ I don't want you to be triggered or hurt because of it ♡
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
”I'm so sorry, love. I promise I'll make it up to you.”
”It's okay, you don't have to.” Jimin's voice became small as his eyes turned to take in the sight in front of him. The nicest plates were placed on the table and a few small tangerine-smelling candles were decorating the space in attempt to turn this dinner into a romantic one. He didn't tell Jungkook that he was going to be cooking even if he spent the entire weekend trying to figure out how to make the perfect soufflé (he wasn't the best cook in town). Frankly, that was the last thing on his mind because disappointment flooded his mind, alarming him that he needed to sound unaffected in order not to upset his boyfriend.
It wasn't like Jungkook didn't want to see him – he was always complaining about the little time they came to spend together over the last month – but it wasn't the first time he was cancelling their plans. He couldn't even remember the last time the tattoo artist actually managed to make a date happen.
”I am so sorry, Jimin. Hyung is sick and – and I have to take care of his clients too.”
”You don't have to justify anything, Kookie. We can see each other another day.” Tears of frustration were already gathering at the corner of his eyes but he vowed not to let them spill nor make his voice quiver. Maybe he was making too big of a deal out of something small; couples didn't need to always be together, it was an irrational request, but he hated the loneliness that replaced Jungkook. ”Good luck.” He ended the call before the latter could add anything else and when his phone buzzed announcing him that he received a new message he ignored it, not wanting to read another long apology.
He put out the candles and took the soufflé out in order to cut a portion for Taehyung who was out with some mates of his. He didn't feel like cleaning the table so he simply headed to his bedroom where he found Bunny sleeping in the middle of his bed. He picked ”This Side of Paradise” and began re-reading it and before he could realise the pages ran out and it was almost five in the morning. It was Monday morning but he couldn't bring himself to get ready and head to uni so he slept until noon when his stomach began to grumble and he was forced to go to the kitchen in search of cereal.
His phone was where he left it so he scrolled through the long message and found seven more, all of them asking if he was upset, how he was feeling and so on. He typed I'm alright :) Have a nice day xx and went to Tae's room, wondering if his best friend was up for some Disney movie. It was 9 PM and he was feeling incredibly unproductive when someone knocked at the door and he decided to answer, surprised to find his boyfriend sitting right outside the door.
”Hi.” He was holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers and he looked terrible, the bags under his eyes outstanding. ”These are for you, I'm sorry –” Small hands took them and a shy smile made its appearance.
”Thank you. Do you want to come inside? We're having a late dinner.”
Taehyung was already stuffing his face so he waved at Jungkook, his mouth too full to speak. The grey-haired boy wasn't aware of the little problems the couple was facing so he immediately offered the tattoo artist a piece of soufflé, not forgetting to mention that it was all Jimin's merit.
”It's crazy how good this is.” He ended his eulogize in time for the brown-haired man to understand that the dish was prepared for their cancelled date. The student excused himself in order to offer them some privacy and the first question Jungkook had was if he could spend the night.
”Of course you can.” It was normal for the pink-haired boy to feel upset so the elder didn't blame the strange behaviour but on himself and on his actions. He really wanted to make things better but things were crazy at work and there was no way he could skip anymore, not as long as Yoongi put his trust in him.
”Tae's right, this is the best thing I've ever ate.” That elicited a genuine smile so he decided to push his luck and got up from the table in order to approach his boyfriend that was leaning against a kitchen counter. ”Can I kiss you?” The answer came in the form of Jimin moving closer so their lips could meet but the act ended after only a few seconds, their tongues not daring to explore. It felt alien as it was the first one in days but a second one followed, this time causing for the smaller body to relax visibly, small fists resting on Jungkook's chest. ”I've missed you so much, baby.”
”I've missed you too.”
The elder needed a shower even if his eyelids already felt heavy as they were sharing the events that happened during the last few days so Jimin urged him to go and get himself ready for bed. He was happy his boyfriend decided to come and see him, even if only for a bit, and he hoped this would become a habit. Jungkook had some things at his place and they were all clean so the pink-haired boy offered them to the other along with a towel before changing himself in pjs and lying down on the bed.
He wondered if the tattoo artist was in the mood for sex. He had mixed feelings about that.
His train of thoughts has been interrupted by a few loud pings that indicated that Jungkook received quite a number of messages. He knew he shouldn't be curious about them because he truly trusted his boyfriend but when the screen lit for the nth time his stomach twisted and he decided he could look at who was so desperately searching for his boyfriend. The number was not saved in the contacts.
I can't wait to catch up
I hope you didn't forget about our date, sir
I know how much you love precise things
Sir. Jimin placed the phone in the exact place where it has been left and snuggled under the covers, facing the wall even when Jungkook opened the bathroom door. He wished he could fool him by pretending he was asleep and thankfully the elder kept quiet before turning off the light and climbing beside him in bed, an arm locking around his middle. Soft lips found their way to the nape of his neck and he needed the most self control he ever had not to burst into sobs at the thought that his lover was seeing someone else. It was obviously someone from the BDSM community and they had a date.
Jungkook left before he woke up in the morning and Jimin found a small note on his pillow in which he was thanking him and apologising once again. He wasn't going to jump to conclusions and decide that the tattoo artist was cheating on him but the thought of him making time for a stranger and not for himself made him want to curl into a ball and cry his eyes out.
The weekend came painfully slow and by the time he finished his reading session he was worn out. He spent a lot of time crying so his face was constantly bloated, he has lost his appetite and overall it felt like he was going through a break up. He's seen Jungkook three days before and it has been a brief visit in which he decided to fake smiles and act like he was unbothered by the downfall of their relationship. He hoped he would mention his date but that never happened.
He decided to spend more time looking for new novels to read when he felt his phone buzzing and he saw it was a message from Daeshim.
Are you done with the children?
He wondered if he should answer.
Let's go and have hot chocolate somewhere. I'd like to talk.
He was curious and he had nothing better to do so he calmly accepted. He couldn't feel anxiety anymore, he didn't feel like a person anymore and his brain constantly reminded him that going back to Daeshim was the natural way for things to happen. Jungkook obviously got bored of what he believed was play pretend so maybe that was the only chance for him to forget about him. Daeshim cared enough about him to hurt him.
The man seemed thrilled that he has accepted the invitation even if Jimin looked like a ghost and they headed to a cafe that was near, not exchanging a word on the way. The place was nice and the younger was willing to let the other choose the table when a loud voice called his name and he turned around to find Hoseok waving at him, probably happy to see him. He smiled small but his face fell when he realised Yoongi was right beside his boyfriend, his cat-eyes scrutinizing the man he was accompanying; it was obvious he recognised Daeshim.
He felt like he's been caught doing something horrible and as soon as his fingers began trembling he decided he couldn't do this and turned on his heels before basically running outside of that place. He didn't care about how he would look, he just wanted to go home and spend some times in little space because his mind was all over the place.
His phone was blowing up by the time he was riding the bus – Jungkook. He ignored it and put his headphones on, loud music blasting until he reached the right station. His boyfriend was in front of his door so he turned the music off as soon as he saw him taking long steps towards him.
”Jimin?” Hands began roaming over his sides frantically. ”Thank God – where have you been? Why didn't you answer your phone? Yoongi told me you were with Daeshim.”
”I was.” He answered, his voice little as he struggled to unlock the door.
”What the fuck.” Jungkook muttered under his breath and followed him inside, taking his shoes off as rapidly as possible. ”Why? How did he find you?” There were a lot of questions going through his head and the most worrying one was that his boyfriend was ready to go back to his old ways.
”He wanted to talk.”
”Jimin!” The call startled him so he turned around, unsure of how he was supposed to react.
”What do you want from me, Jungkook? It's the first time I've seen you in days –”
”And that's a good enough reason to go and meet that bastard? How the fuck can you think that's alright? The last time you've seen him I had to pick you up because you were having a panic attack! Did you forget what he's told you? Did you forget how he's treated you?” He was seeing red in front of his eyes and he had no idea if he could watch his mouth because he was tired, he hasn't had the chance to eat all day and he found out from his best fucking friend that his boyfriend was going out with his ex-Dom who has been an abusing piece of shit. ”What the fuck is wrong with you?”
”Maybe I enjoy receiving attention from time to time.” It was a bitter lie and Jimin knew it.
”And that means you'll simply whore yourself out to anyone?!” Jungkook was obviously losing it and he would have continued if a slap wouldn't have landed across his face just in time for tears to begin pouring out of the pink-haired boy's cinnamon eyes.
”Fuck you.”
”No – fuck you. I'm done with this shit, I won't allow you to play with my feelings anymore.”
”I'm the one fooling around?” Jimin yelled. ”I know you're seeing someone else!”
The tattoo artist's eyes widened in surprise at the words he's been addressed, his eyebrows furrowing on his forehead. He had no idea what the other was talking about, he's been working about 12 hours a day because they were dealing with a hole in their budget and he could barely afford to leave his goddamn apartment. Not that he wanted to, anyway, because he was dropping dead whenever he reached his bed.