13 Chapter 12: Shib i ? (1/2)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jungkook was ashamed of himself. His hand was shaking as he placed the cigarette in between his lips but he tried to ignore it, his mind flooded by the previous night's memories. It was Yoongi who had told him what kind of atrocities he managed to say to Jimin and his stomach twisted whenever he would recall them, the image of his baby scared and crying because of him running in front of his eyes again and again. He was on his apartment's balcony and the sun was slowly making its entrance, reminding him that he didn't manage to sleep a wink ever since he has been dropped off by his hyungs.

He rubbed his face with both hands and took a deep breath, trying to exhale all the frustration and the regret that have been nesting inside his chest. He hoped Jimin was sleeping; he would have waited for him in front of his and Taehyung's apartment but realised that would have been completely inappropriate and would have made everyone uncomfortable. He was going crazy with presumptions, he wanted to apologise and talk things through as soon as possible but he wasn't going to force Jimin in a conversation he wasn't feeling ready for.

He has been an idiot but he was selfish enough to want to make things better.

Jimin watched as Taehyung poured milk over his cornflakes and placed the bowl in front of him before sitting down beside him. Familiar warmth wrapped around him as he was enveloped into a tight hug and Tae rested his head on his shoulder.He smiled at the sweet gesture and kissed the top of the grey head while murmuring a raspy ”thank you”.

It was the first time he was refusing to open up to his best friend but he knew it was for the best because he wanted not to form a biased opinion about what happened. It was 9 AM but his body was aching as if he didn't sleep like the dead for hours, his eyes puffy and stinging from the many tears he has shed. He didn't even bother to tend for his cuts, he simply threw a shirt on and decided it was wiser to ignore them, just like he did with his phone. It was selfish of him but he didn't want to check on any of the messages he received from Jungkook.

”I can skip today.” Taehyung said, his voice calm and compassionate. ”We can watch Disney movies and eat sweets until you feel better and we get cavities.” Jimin grinned weakly at the tempting offer but had to refuse, knowing he couldn't intervene in his soulmate's routine.

His cereals got soggy before he managed to take a spoonful for Tae's sake and he returned to his bedroom, scooping Bunny up on the way. The cat seemed to sense his distress because he was spending a lot of time rubbing against his feet as if he was trying to cheer him up. It was unexpectedly comforting to have a little being curled beside you so he didn't protest when Bunny jumped on his bed and made himself comfortable on top of his octopus plushie. Something pulled at his heart when his eyes landed on the pink toy so he sighed and lied down on his side, closing his eyes in the process.

Jungkook made a mistake, he was aware that wasn't the end of the world. What hurt the most was the idea that he never thought his Dom capable of talking to him like that; he was fearing those were the tattoo artist's real feelings and he needed Jimin to do something bad for them to surface.

Cut that shit.

He tried to focus on his breathing, trying not to lose control of his feelings until he heard his bedroom's door opening. Taehyung came to tell him that he was going to hurry back home once he was done with his classes.

He had no idea how much time he spent like that but he snapped out of it once he heard his phone buzzing yet again. He blindly searched for it with his hands and felt his heartbeat increasing in pace when the lockscreen lit, informing him that it was already an hour past noon. He had a 3 missed calls and 6 new messages – all from Jungkook. He tapped on the little yellow envelope and felt his pulse becoming deafening as he scrolled through the texts.

From: Jungkookie

I'm so sorry

I'm ashamed of myself for putting you through all of that.

Could we please meet? I would like to properly apologise to you

Please let me know that you're alright. I'm so worried, baby.

I'll respect your decision, no matter what you choose to do regarding our relationship.

He smiled faintly at the sweet reassurance. He was aware that Jungkook would never harass him if he chose to end everything between them. They have both been in the wrong and they had a lot of things they needed to discuss if they wanted their relationship to continue.

To: Jungkookie

Dinner?

The answer came right away so they established to meet in a few hours in one of the student's favourite bistros that was not popular enough to be crowded and make them feel uncomfortable. He took a long bath in order to wash away the anxiety and dressed some of the most comfortable clothes he owned, knowing that nothing would help his swollen face anyway. He was not trying to make Jungkook feel bad but he wanted to be fair and not to pretend that he was not affected by what happened.

He knew the elder was sincerely regretting what happened and the confirmation came in the form of Jungkook's pale figure. The tattoo artist looked absolutely exhausted and even like that Jimin couldn't deny that he was drop-dead gorgeous, his eyes becoming lively as soon as he met cinnamon orbs.

”Hi.” His voice sounded strangled so he cleared his throat before the student mirrored his greeting.

It was strange what difference 24 hours could make. A night before they were happier than ever and now the younger could barely stand to look into the other's eyes for more than a few seconds. Jimin decided touches were forbidden on his side, sure that he needed to keep his mind clear and speak about everything he's felt during the past day.

They occupied the most secluded table and ordered their drinks before pretending to be busy looking for the dishes they desired. The pink-haired boy decided on risotto and closed the menu, taking the opportunity to study Jungkook's figure once again. He seemed to be at least half as affected by the events as he was.

”I want to apologise.” The tattoo artist said as soon as they placed the order and the waiter disappeared. ”I have no excuse, I've acted terribly and I'm so sorry for hurting you so bad. I didn't mean a word I said.”

”I know that, it's okay.” Jimin replied, his fingers fumbling with the curly straw of his orange juice.

”It's not. I shouldn't have been so impulsive, I said a lot of words I regret and I should have taken your anxiety in consideration, it was not fair of me to expect so much of you.” He was aware that there were times in which his boyfriend couldn't do things that for others seemed ”simple” and he was very disappointed in himself for forgetting how much Jimin was struggling on a daily basis.

”I don't like BDSM parties.” The words came out as a whisper. ”I don't think I want to attend one ever again. I should have been honest from the start.” Now he was sure he couldn't face that kind of situation again, he didn't want to.

”Okay.”

”But that's not why I wanted to leave so suddenly last night.” Jungkook's eyes widened in concentration, obviously trying not to miss any piece of information. ”I saw Daeshim.” The man tensed at the sound of his boyfriend's previous dom's name, his jaw clenching in distress. ”I didn't want to be near him.”

”Fuck.” Jungkook ran his hands through his hair in concern – he has been a fool, acting without offering his boyfriend the chance to explain the situation. He failed at making him feel safe. He wanted to apologise again but Jimin spoke before he had the chance to open his mouth.

”There has been something on my mind ever since.” There was a sort of vulnerability in the way the student spoke. ”I think we should go back to the traditional Dom/sub relationship.” Cinnamon eyes filled with the tears at the suggestion and Jungkook's first instinct was to place his hand on top of the one that was already resting on the table.

”You are not a submissive, baby.” He said, almost pleading.

”You don't want a little, Jungkookie.”

”I want you.” The tattoo artist said a bit too loudly and watched as the smaller boy shook his head in disbelief.

”You don't get it.” Jimin whispered, his tears threatening to spill. ”It's not play pretend for me. I can't cut it, there's no switch.”

That was the exact moment when the tattoo artist understood how much he fucked up their relationship. His baby thought he wasn't aware of what little space was and the thought was powerful enough to make him regret ever opening up to Jungkook. It was probably confusing because the elder was the one to suggest Ddlb in the first place and he could remember that one time when Jimin told him that kind of relationship was ideal. He has been doubtful from the start that he could ”give so little” and receive so much but Jungkook has been doing his best to prove him that their relationship could bloom beautifully in that direction.

”I know that, Min.” His fingers slowly grabbed shorter ones, the action making the boy flinch. ”I know Daddy fucked up but that doesn't mean everything that happened before has been erased.” It was unfair of him to use the Dom card but he could see Jimin reacting to his words, his nose turning rosy as he sniffled once. The boy was craving to be little after going through such stressful hours.

”But y-you don't understand. You told me to cut it –”

”I love little Min and big Min just as much, I would never ask you to stop being yourself. I love everything about my baby boy.” The pink-haired boy was slipping and he looked scared so he broke the contact by withdrawing his hand and placing it on his lap.

”I don't know...”

Jungkook felt a familiar pressure inside his chest so he straightened his back as he spotted the waiter coming back to hear what they've decided. A few seconds of uncomfortable silence followed.

”It's okay if you want to take a break or to put an end to our relationship.” The tattoo artist finally voiced his thoughts, his eyebrows furrowed because of the pain the words caused him. He wished Jimin wouldn't, he wished he would be given a second chance because he was human and he was capable of fixing his mistakes.

”I never said that.” The student seemed alarmed, brown eyes looking for support. ”I'm just hurt and confused. I might not be what you need, Daddy and I d-don't want to be hurt by you.” Jungkook felt his heart breaking inside his heart when teardrops finally began rolling down a pale face. ”I'm scared.”

The elder was thankful that the food hasn't arrived yet because he had the chance to lean over the table and reach for one of the other's wet cheeks. He hated to see his baby crying and he couldn't stand to know that he caused all that pain.

”I know I-I broke your trust because I didn't safeword but I just wanted to be good for you. I wanted you to h-have fun but I h-hated being there because you were ignoring m-me.”