73 Chapter 20: The Great Seven Kingdoms 2 (1/2)

The narrow hallways became darker compared awhile ago. I walked straight and just letting my senses guide me. I wonder where Faram is? I suppose, my best bet would be the cabins or the deck outside.

I concentrated that I won't walk straight to the walls but then I bumped into something...

”Oof!” I staggered but a hand grabbed my arm and I steadied myself just in time.

”Going somewhere?” The calm monotonous voice spoke.

”I was... just walking back.” I answered, the darkness had my eyes wide open against the pitch black surrounding.

Faram didn't answer back, instead I felt his grasp loosen and silence went on. I can never really tell his presence no matter what training I did. I can't even hear his footsteps nor his breath.

It makes me realize how big the difference in our abilities are. And yet— here I am, even planning to talk him into something. I really doubt he'll listen... but I got to try for Emis sake.

”WAIT!!!” I hollered.

”Don't shout. I'm just here.” he replied. He taps a finger once on my forehead.

”S-sorry.” I murmured.

”But I have to go.”

I waved my hands at both directions trying to grope around, ”Wait! Where are you heading? I can't see.”

Suddenly a light emitted... in a shape of a fire but it was black. It only lit a small area around us, just enough that we can see each other.

My eyes widened in both awe and disbelief at the sight of the fire before me. I thought Dark magus can't wield any Light Elements? I wonder if... if this is what that book Syreon gave me talked about, a higher tier Shadow caster; the ability to mimic the Light elements— a warlock.

Perhaps seeing my reaction to it, Faram broke the silence, ”There is yet so much I need to teach you, Ri.” He says serenely as the black fire blazes over the palm of his hand and I just stared at it in astonishment.

Perhaps, Faram can... mimic the four main Light Elements? He's Null caster too; not to mention he's also the one that taught me how to summon those shadow dæmons back at that Sharisukhteh district— the ability that resembles a Theurgist. That must be what Jin meant by a Shadowmancer.

Faram has so many dark elemental powers... and to think he almost mastered them all is... somehow a frightening thought of how powerful this man really is.

”Wielding the null is only the beginning. Seeing you were able to summon dæmons like I asked you to means you would be able to do this someday too. I will teach you. I will teach you everything I know, Ri... the dark element is beautiful, isn't it?”

His unwavering sharp gaze from those pair of vermillion eyes bore into mine as I stared up at him. He's in front of me, just an arm-length reach, but his aura is too intimidating. It feels like I'm just really a small child under his gaze. So close yet so far away. I wonder if the others feel the same way? They respect and follow Faram without any hesitation even if he's only a member of the group just like them, but I guess there are things about him that they just can't level with that easily. Aside from being strong, maybe it's because he has this certain air of superiority around him or from having a dæmon blood— or because he has far out lived many of our kinds. But one main fact remains true, Faram has comrades that worries and cares for him, and he looks out for them as well. That means he's still reachable, maybe they just don't know how.

”I want to talk to you about something, Faram.” I digressed, blinking away as I pointed at the far end of the dark hallways. ”Let's go to the cabin?”

Without words, Faram just turned the opposite direction and walked away. I followed him and he led me back to the cabin as what I asked.

The cabin has lights unlike the hallways, and the view of the setting sun is seen too.

”What do you want to talk about?” Faram asks, walking towards one of the benches.

Wow, I just realized, I didn't really think this through. I can't just blurt out, 'Go to sleep!' Because that would surely make him dismiss me in an instant. Ah, I got it! I'll keep the conversation going until I can slip that in. For now, I have to ask him with my own questions.

So, I mustered up my courage and braced myself. ”Umm, now that we finally got out the Great Seven Kingdoms continent, maybe it's time we can... focus on other stuff?” I stammered.

Faram sat down and just looked at me, waiting patiently for me to elaborate.

I can feel my heartbeat drumming so loud, I can almost hear it ringing in my ears.

I walked in front of him and eyed him tentatively. His eyes are like daggers. It's too piercing. It feels like I'm being judged by just standing here.

How to begin? Where to begin?

There are... lots of things I need to understand, Faram!— is what I am thinking to myself. And a lot of those can only be answered by you. First, why did you choose me as your apprentice? Why did you erased my memories of Eriol? And what do you need me for at all? Is it just to do the watch? What if I don't want to? Will you still train me? What exactly are those shards you're all collecting for? What is Ouboros about?

So many questions flooding my thoughts but no words are coming out. Me eyes sweeps down the floor, I can't hold my gaze steady against his sharp ones. It feels like he already understands what I'm about to ask but waits patiently anyway.

”I... want to ask you so many things,” I murmured, my hands mildly shaking. ”And I'm aware the chances you will not answer them or simply say that I'm not ready to know yet but...”

I tucked my hand in my pocket and groped at the eye-mask Emis lent me. To be cunning enough to extract information or be intimidating, as Scias once said... can I even be either one now?

”I need to know! You got to understand that!” My voice peaks few volumes than intended but the wavering becomes apparent.

Damn! Why is this so nerve-wrecking?

”That is why...” I stated and paused, took Emis's eye-mask and wore it. ”That is why—!!!”

Suddenly I feel the surge of confidence swell inside my chest, too fast and too overwhelming that my mouth suddenly blurted out on its own, ”I will **** you!”

”....”

”—!?!” (≘ _ ≘) ...

I clawed at my mouth, almost slapping myself.

Deadman's Regret.

I took the mask off and hurled it violently to the floor.

”....”

”....”

”I DID NOT MEAN THAT!!!” I shouted. ”N-no I...! That was... I was... It's not...!!!”

”....”

I feel the rush of blood boiling my face in deep shade of red. I'm so embarrassed!

”I'M SORRY FOR BEING BORN! GOOD NIGHT!!!” I hid my face away and bolted off towards the door.

”Wait.” Faram hollered.

I turned to look over my shoulder and saw him picking up the eye-mask. ”You really want to ask me something for so long but you can't say it or don't know how to ask it so you had asked Emis to help you? She offered the mask first but in return of something else? A favor perhaps.”

Welp, that's about it. He's pretty perceptive.

I nodded reluctantly. ”I didn't know the effects will be that detrimental...” I replied, almost talking to myself.

He sighed and just gestured at me to come back.

”Let's talk.”

I nodded and walked back with my head almost hiding down between my shoulders.

Faram sat back down the bench and I stood by.

”Sit”

And so I did.

He looks at the mask on his hand as he spoke, ”Don't blindly depend on Black Magic to do your bidding. You should have known that by now. Shadow and Null are a different type of Dark Element compared to Black magic. The latter can be more unpredictable, even for the caster themselves.”

Can't believe I ended up being lectured in the end.

”Now just tell me what it is that you want to say?”

”Will you answer?” I asked, head bowed down.

”Don't answer my question with another question.”

”But what I'm about to say are questions...”

Faram sighs in exasperation.

I clench my fists tighter.

”I learned from Scias... that I should be cunning enough to extract information I need and not just to simply expect people to give me the answer I want. And to be honest, I can't think of any other way to ask you. I'm not that intimidating either. I don't think I can deceive you in telling me as well. It's more frustrating to think I should wait as you told me to... but what do I lack, really? Why can't you just tell it all to me now?”

”The way you are now is the point... whatever it is that you want to ask, there's a chance you won't comprehend it yet if I answer.” he says, crossing his arms together.

”I can comprehend better than you think.” I grumbled. Again, being treated like a child... I hate this.

Faram shook his head, ”You have so much potential, Ri. The way you were able to summon dæmons just from the slightest direction I gave you means the abilities are innate to you... you have the talent but you're easily affected by the most trivial things. You are easy to lose control over your emotions, using what you feel rather from thinking or analyzing things rationally.”

That's not always the case! But... indeed, just like what happened in Sharisukhteh district, I thought. There are times I can compose myself but there are times I let my worries take control. I closed my eyes in shame because I know he's right. If Faram didn't interfere back there, I might have made the mistake of going with Levi and pulling him with me. That would have created more troubles for him.

”It would be pointless even if you become powerful if you're that gullible when it comes to the people you care about...”

”I will change.” I replied, ”I know it's harder than simply saying it but I really want to change...”

”Yet if you see your brother in trouble, what are the chances you turning your back on us and jumping in to save him?” Faram groans.

Of course I would go and choose my brother over this people! But the way Faram glares at me tells me he knows exactly what I'm thinking right now and his eyes are shouting at me I'm wrong.

”What it is that you really want to achieve, Ri?”

I didn't answer.

”If you don't want to be deceived and manipulated, you have to know what is it that you're truly hungry for. Is protecting the people you cherish all your goal in life?”

It's not as easy as admitting to Faram what my situation really is but he's right, I have something I'm trying to achieve yet I've been running in circles for worrying about others a little too much.

”I know you have a kind and caring heart but use it to become an effective person not just good. You should know when to intimidate, entrap, scare, manipulate, be apathetic, beguile, and if situation demands it— even kill. If you stay as who you are now, easily blinded with emotions, rage, and fear, you become predictable. And being predictable is weakness.”

”I know...” I replied, barely audible.

”This world is a game of power. Especially the land where you're from, it's a playground for those who are cunning enough to hide secrets and strong enough to bet and play the game.”