6 Chapter 3: Fiancé Predicament 2 (1/2)

I woke up when the carriage we rode came to a full stop. ”We're here, Aerra” says Papa softly, gently patting my head. I sat up straight and shifted the curtains aside to peek where we were but the door was opened and Papa stepped down. He then turns to me and assisted me down as well. ”Where is the Duke?” says Papa, talking to a man in red uniform. ”Lord Hansem asks us to escort you to Osteell castle, your Grace. We apologize for the inconvinience” he replied while presenting in a tray a letter finely folded with a red wax seal. Papa took it and read the letter in silence.

I looked around, there was a huge fountain before us. We were somewhere in a park with limestone ground. There wasn't much people around either. Instead, there were several men in red dignified uniforms and a black-&-red iron vehicle. Papa pats my head softly, ”It seems there is a sudden change in plans, sweetheart. But don't worry, I'll send your mother and brother a message right away to inform them” he says in a gentle tone. I looked up at him. ”How many days, Papa?” I asked, ”Two or three days. We need to travel to the East. The castellan invited us to his home. It seems there's a party they must host. So we might stay there until the party is over so that he and I can talk properly, is that fine with you?” I nodded, ”Of course, papa”

”That's a good girl”

I wonder how Aeron will react to this sudden change of plans. I hope he won't do anything rash.

The soldiers in red then ushered us to transfer to their vehicle.

It was already dusk when we arrived to the Eastern city which they called Osteell. It's a beautiful city that reminds me of a psuedo-Victorian 19th-century like era of industrial steam-powered machineries. There were lots of smoke that can be seen when I looked up and lots of pipe chimneys. All the people walking around the streets had those steampunk like attires without the monocles and cogs, that is. And they even rode steam powered automobiles.

I assume this form of technology is their latest yet.

After passing an iron bridge, we finally arrived at the a huge iron walled castle. We were immediately led to a vast anterroom where a man in his late 50's wearing round glasses and bushy beard stood by the windows and started walking towards us. He and my father exchanged greetings so loudly that I thought they will start punching each other's faces but then when he reached us they started embracing each other while patting each other's shoulder and had big laughs. Gosh how noisy can they be? They gave me the impression that they might be good old friends though.

Shall We Date: Oz

”And you must be lady Aerrandria” the man says, getting on his one knee to level my line of sight. He honestly reminds me of Santa Claus steampunk version minus the vambrace. ”My my my! I was never informed how beautiful this young lady is! It's a pleasure to meet you, my Lady” he took my hand and kissed the back of it lightly.

”The pleasure is mine, m'Lord” I curtsied before him.

”I am Duke Hansem Morlock. You can just call me Hansem, lady Aerrandria”

I looked at him and he smiled so warmly. The fine lines that aged his tiny jolly eyes wrinkles as he laughed.

He then stood up and faced my father.

”I fear I have matters to attend to so for now I might have to ask to delay our talk. We can discuss what we agreed upon as soon as the party is over. I'm sure you're tired from the travel. I will have someone to escort you to your own rooms”

My father interrupts, ”At least let us meet the fine young Lord we agreed to have her meet” he stood to the path where Hansem was about to head to, blocking it. Hansem cleared his throat. ”Ahh yes. About that... Well...” He spaced out for a moment, cleared his throat once more and nodded. ”Of course” he says, gesturing at one of the servants. ”Summon Syreon, now.”

After a few minutes, the door opened behind us. ”Master Syreon is here, m'Lord”

We all stood up and faced him. Slowly, a handsome young boy sitting in what seems to be a wheel chair graces us with his presence. He sat in a serene but dignified manner you will instantly recognize he's a highborn lord. ”Good evening, your Grace.” he stated, as his wheel chair moved towards us. My father's face turned red instantly and turns to Hansem. ”Can I have a quick word with you?” He seems unhappy with what he sees. I just watch in silence what was transpiring around me.

In a corner, Hansem and my father talked in whispers but my father was so enraged their little tete-a-tete was not so discreet. ”Is this a joke?! You told me we are to wed my daughter with your heir?”

”Well he is my first born son!”

”But not---”

I was blanlkly staring at them when the boy called as Syreon suddenly called my attention, ”Hi, nice to finally meet you. I apologize if we weren't really introduced properly” he says in a sweet gentle voice. He was pale as he was fair. His hair was as ash brown but his eyes were garnet. ”I am Syreon, 14 years of age. May I know the name of the little Lady so I can address her properly?” He smiled so warmly like his father but his is rather heart fluttering. The way he talked though, it's as if he's talking to a child... Oh wait.

”I'm Aerrandria. But you can call me Aerra. I'm eight years old. Delighted to make your acquaintance.” I said while curtsying.

”Well, lady Aerra, it seems like the two Lords over there are busy, would you like to walk with me?” He says, gesturing to leave the room with him. I glanced at Papa and he was still arguing with Hansem. I sighed and agreed with Syreon. He pressed a button from his arm rest and his wheel chair begun to move on it's own. ”Please, walk beside me.” He insisted as I did while we stepped out of the room.

”Those two are childhood friends. I fear you might get scared to what might happen next if we stayed” he stated in a chuckle

”And what will happen next?”

”When they begin to bicker their head off like that, they start raising their voices. Ground shaking arguement that one might think a war will be concluded. But it's just normally like that. That's their tough love for each other as friends. But to a child, it's traumatizing. Trust me on that one” he laughs. I tried to imagine and I shuddered, ”Thanks for saving me from that scene” I murmured, as I pursed my lips.

”So, digressing. Do you have an idea why they want to introduced us to each other?”

I nodded, ”I was told I would meet my fiancé. And he summoned you so...”

He just beamed at me and nodded as if I gave a correct answer and commending a kid 'Very good!' Ugh, I hate how he treats me like a child. But I can't blame him. I am a child right now.

We went on walking further and soon reached an air corridor.

”I'm sorry, it must have surprised you to see the state of your future husband as low as this” he says in an apologetic voice, gesturing at his wheelchair.

Hearing him admit that he's my fiancé made me feel nervous and also embarrassed.

I shook my head. ”I honestly don't mind” I replied. Because he seems very kind anyway —and frankly very handsome. I took a side long glance and saw him in a pained smile. ”You're a good girl and innocent. The world outside is not as kind. I wish I could preserve your innocence but someday you will be awaken to the truths”

I have no idea what he meant by that but I'm guessing many might've reacted against him since he's on a wheelchair. He even referred to his state as 'as low as this'. Oh! He might be referring to the way my father's reaction earlier. Now, I feel bad. Stupid papa, he could have been more discreet!

”I know what you mean. I'm not that innocent. I understand. But still...” I shrugged, ”I don't see why I should see it otherwise. You're just on a wheelchair. You can still speak, write, decide and go to places. I see no reason to treat you indifferently. But if you're referring to matters that concerns our family, please don't mind my father. I'm sure he'll come around. He might just be tired from the travel.”

”You think so?” He replied, we both halted and he faces me.

”Yes, I do.” I purse my lips for a moment. Wait, I think I'm sounding like I consenting into marrying him. I don't want him to think I'm into him.

”Ah! W-what I mean to say is... I don't think that being in a wheelchair is low as you think. I'm sure my father means well. I mean... he's not trying to offend you! He might just be worried about the engagement since well you know— we're both in this kind of highborn family where many people look up to us...!” I feel like I'm sweating daggers. I look at him and he seems confused. Suddenly he bowed his head down and looked more gloomy. ”Oh, I see. It's okay, I understand what you mean.” he says in a disheartened tone and then went silent.

No you don't—!!! Ah darn this! What have I done?!

”I just believe my my my father was only trying to... err— uhh think about my future. Like ummm, he— he's not against people on a wheelchair. He might just be worried that...”

He looks up at me and eyed me tentatively, I'm talking gibberish but he's listening! Oh god what to say?!?

”—HE MIGHT JUST BE WORRIED WE CANNOT CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE!” I blurted out.

His eyes suddenly widened in surprise. His lips dropped apart.

Huh?—

”....!?!”

I clasped at my mouth.

It dawned on me what I just said.

Why. The. Actual. Fuck did I say that!?!

Why did I say 'consummate the marriage'?! Ugh!

”Ummm...” my mind is spinning in circles. What to say now?

My heart starts racing and I am sweating daggers I could feel my feet going limp. I'm so embarrassed—

Where is my villainess dark magic when I need it? I wish I can erase his memory! Or I can just run away now and forever avoid him.

I did originally planned in not getting involved with any men in the first place, at least now I have more reason to avoid him.

I turned around and was about to run away when–

Suddenly the silence broke as he bursted out laughing. His laugh was light and sounded sweet to my ears. The awkward atmosphere eventually dissipated because of it.

He laughed so much that tears were beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. I sighed and just turned my lips in a corner as he look at me and smiled.

”Sorry, I mean no disrespect. I was just surprise hearing that from you especially with your age” he says, wiping the tiny tears from his eyes.

”I know... what you mean...” I murmured almost in a whisper, I'm surprised too.

He took a deep breath and spoke, ”In years time, when you come to age, we will be joined in marriage and when that time comes, I can perhaps prove to your father otherwise that I can...” he paused, chuckled and continued, ”—'consummate the marriage'. He won't need to worry by then. After all, it's just my legs that are incapacitated. I can still function otherwise. I won't disappoint you”

”...?!?”

My face instantly flushes up beet red.

”So I guess we both have nothing to worry about” he concluded. I grabbed my nose abruptly and pinched it— my mind is drifting to my inside mind-theatre playing imagine that! So I shook it off or else my I might have a nose bleed!

”W-well, I think we have that one cleared” I said in a dignified stance. At least he won't think bad about my father's reaction awhile ago— that is, I sacrificed my own dignity.

He nods, ”Very much” he assured me still laughing a bit as he started to move forward, ”Shall we continue this walk then?”

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Few minutes later we reach an open courtyard where a beautiful flower beds and a fountain is seen.

The sky was already dark and the two moons emitted moonlights that dimly lit the yard. ”Tell me what do you think about this engagement, Aerra?” he asked as we passed by the flower beds. ”Well... I don't want to disappoint father”

He laughs, ”We have one thing in common then!”

”Seven years ago, I was walking these corridors just like you. But I caught a condition that costed my legs and since then I wasn't able to leave this wheelchair. At that time, my younger brother was only 5 years old” he stated as we walk into another lobby heading further and deeper to the castle. ”Since then, they've been training him to take over my place as the heir just in case I wouldn't recover. Well I never did so his strick training never ceased.”

I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he tried to cover that sad look in his own eyes, ”My mother died at child birth. But my father remarried soon after. She had my brother from his first marriage. And he and I have only two years gap and I found him so cute so it was not hard for me to accept him. But unlike him, I was raised to become the next heir so I had strict upbringing and he was rather relaxed and playful. That is why when they decided in handing him the title as the heir instead, you can only imagine how much all the other houses were in an uproar. He was only a toddler then... He didn't even understood what was going on. A child that age shouldn't be carrying such big responsibilities yet... so much has happened since then.”

”Our family has eight households under our protection. They hold great titles regarding the entire nation's affairs. So when I was incapacitated, my father did his best to have my little brother stand up worthy to the candidacy instead, so that all the other lords accept him easily as they did on me. And after years and years of training he eventually became good at it. At early age of nine he handled many heavy decision making regarding the stocks and state resources along with my father. He was faced with solving problems when the workers come to consult regarding the factories. And he emerged brilliantly in any of the challenges. By ten he manage to raise our economy in three folds and opened more business deals across the seas. By age of eleven, my father trusted him to make decisions alone and was given his own supervisors and held accountable with state matters especially when our father goes overseas.”

”He sound extraordinarily amazing” I gasped, Sincerely surprised from what I'm hearing. I am glad my parents didn't gave us so much responsibilities at least not yet. Otherwise I would have agreed to become the villainess right there on.

”Father has been strict on him for his own good. So that he gains both the the trust and respect of all our people, enough that all the household lords under us can't deny him anymore. It's been few months now since he turned twelve and yet his achievements went piling on. That is why our father decided that maybe this is the right time to formally announce his standing as the next heir. Hence, the party tomorrow. Father is so proud how he turned out to be and I am too. I can't help worrying about him but he proved he's more than capable than I've imagined and for that I'm relieved. Because no ordinary little boy could have handled all these things that was shoved to him just to prove from noblemen of the nation that he is capable. But I'm still worried about something that suddenly turned up. I believe some vile men are still sabotaging things so that he makes a major mistake. So perhaps my father takes a candidate as heir from the other households under us instead. I need to help him. I want to assure that no one could ever deny him his rights as the rightful heir! In any way possible, I want to help him but he refuses to ask help from anyone. It feels like he's growing up too fast and too independent that I fear he thinks all the problems in this nation is his to bear. So you see... I want to do something for him”

I can see his fist clenching as he said those words with conviction. What a selfless guy, I thought. He keeps thinking about his little brother and dismissing the fact that he might be completely overlooked and even forgotten. Normally you will feel worried to be taken for granted because he's unable to fulfill his duties as the first born and that offering to his brother everything he supposed to own instead will make him look either a fool or just a martyr. I know it's not in my place to ask but,

”How about you, Syreon? What will happen to you if he does succeed outstandingly and be accepted as the next castellan? Won't that make you lose everything in lieu of you brother's triumphs? Are you not afraid or sad?”

He turns to me and momentarily I saw a surprised reaction from his face but that changed instantly into a smile. ”Afraid? Yes of course. Sad? Perhaps not. I know I won't lose my family regardless of what might happen. I know I'm never alone. I never felt alone or small. In fact, all the people here are always worried about me. Everybody has been very kind and good to me that I feel like no one has been looking at my little brother's achievements enough. That is why I want to be there for him. Besides, it's not as if I will be exiled if they acknowledge my brother” he explained as we went walking further towards and into another wing of the castle.

I think he's missing the point or... he's ignoring the hard facts about what can happen if his brother is to be acknowledged and he becomes forgotten. I guess he has more serious things he's considering that I might not understand yet. After all, I'm an outsider. I can't pry.

I decided to let it pass and just stayed silent.

For few moments there was silence. I wonder what he's thinking.

”You're very sharp, lady Aerrandria Leingod, and very kind too.” He says this all of a sudden and then sighed, ”I worry no more for him if someone like you stays by his side instead.”

He called me by my full name. Feels odd.

Finally, we reached a huge magnificent door. He halted and faced the door, ”I want you to meet him.” He stated as he pushes the door open and he gestured at me to step inside as he followed after me.

The room was adequately small, with numerous shelves and books ornating the walls

The room was adequately small, with numerous shelves and books ornating the walls. Thick red curtains covered the windows and drapes down to the floor which was covered in rug. And in the middle of this study room was a resilient looking desk where a boy sat in a huge chair. His eyes were fixated with the paper he was writing on. On the desks were mountains of piled papers and books. There were servant which receives the papers he finished writing on. The ambiance around him was so stiff, one might think you were looking at an adult at work. His presence was somehow rattling, given his sharp amber cold eyes that never bothered to regard our presence. But damn those thick eye lashes. It shames my own.

Syreon gestured at the servants to leave. ”If I can have a spare moment of your time, brother?” The servants left the room in silence. The boy gracefully lays his pen down and sat up straight. ”Of course” he replied, looking at him cooly. His gaze slides towards me when he noticed Syreon wasn't alone.

”I know you're busy, especially with the party tomorrow but I need to introduce you to someone.” Syreon says as he looks at me. ”This is Lady Aerra, only daughter of Duke Leingod of Greenrun. She's my fiancee” he says with a smile ”Aerra, this is my brother, Levi.” I stepped forward and curtsied. The boy stood up and came forward. ”It's a pleasure to meet you, lady Aerra” he says as he took my hand and kissed it. ”And good evening to both of you. How can I be of help?” He added as his eyes sweeps up to meet mine. My back automatically straightened —suddenly being conscious. Under his gaze, I squirm inside. I suppose the charm runs in his family. But his demeanor and calmness somehow surpasses his age.

Levi steps away and walks back to his desk. He fixes his eyes on Syreon, nonchalantly while he perched at the edge of his desk, arms crossed on his chest.

Syreon breaks the silence, ”I have... a favor to ask of you, Levi— If you won't mind listening because this might take up so much of your time...” he says this while taking my hand. Huh? I watch Syreon as he ushered me to move closer to Levi.

”This goes for you too, lady Aerra” he says looking at me, ”I have a favor to ask to both of you...”

Levi unfolded his arms, ”What is this about?” He murmured suspiciously.

And I felt like I know what is going to happen...

”Syreon” I called out to him, he only turned his head to me in a smile and then faced Levi.

Syreon took a deep breath and then he spoke...

”Lady Aerra,” Syreon says while facing me, ”I am sincerely honored to have you as my fiancee. I deeply admire how mature you are despite your age. You're sharp as you're kind and I am honestly deeply enticed with your beauty. I believe falling in love with you is not a hard task.” Somehow my heart begun to race. I swallowed and braced myself for the 'but' that might comes next however he faced Levi soon after he finished talking to me.

”Levi, with such young age you bear a burden so big and so complicated yet you never fail to amaze me at how easily you can learn and adopt despite difficulties. Not all agree to your inheritance and some mocks you and I feel so frustrated because of that. Because of me all of these storm is being thrown at you”

”That is why... I ask a favor from both of you. Lady Aerra, I believe it's your father's best interest to wed you to the heir of this family, however that is not me. I already have given up the idea that my feet will ever recover and I don't want Levi's hardships and efforts come to naught. They only chose me for you because I am the first born, I will take over the business industry however —but the next Castellan will be the chosen Heir and as clear as it is, that would be Levi. Also in the matters of OUR union— I believe my father agreed to share to your House our resources and latest technology and since I will govern the innovations sector I will provide all that your House needs regardless of the engagement. So to have both, acquiring the resources and becoming the entitled wife of the Castellan of the East will be more of an advantage than only having the former alone. If you want to make your father proud, I do hope you consider my request”

He turns to Levi this time and went on, ”Levi, as the next heir you need to understand that binding our family with the Leingod of the Greenrun will formally help our House become a noble one— as Lady Aerra is the one and only and direct bloodkin niece of the High King of the seven Kingdoms. You can already see it in her hair and eyes, so if you marry her, you seal our household with the utmost Royal bond. If you consider my request it sums up all of the accomplishments you can gain with just one union with this honorable young lady.”

In a practical sense, this engagements is for the purpose of give and receive. Loveless marriage seems normal for them it's kinda sad that they accept it as easily like this. I see no reason to get offended after hearing them talk about the benefit of getting engaged with me– after all, we are to benefit as well if we gain their resources. I do want Greenrun to be technically advanced too.

We silently watch Syreon as he moved towards a corner and then turns to face us as if to study our reaction, ”I mean no disrespect to both of you or any means with your lineages. But with practicality being taken here as a consideration, I hope you think about it. I believe this is what's best for both our families. If you, Levi declare it and Aerra to assent it tomorrow at the party, I don't think our fathers have much reason to gainsay.”

Levi sighs, ”To conclude... You are asking me to have your bethrotal? Isn't this kind of a stretch?” Levi says this nonchalantly, even without blinking a second and then he added, ”To drop this matters in one say like this, is like ambush. Tomorrow is the party. There isn't much time to reconsider, brother. You know the declaration of heir will be tomorrow, I don't think a sudden betrothal announcement would make Father happy, more so with the feverish arguements of taking sides the other House Lords have between the two of us as whom will be the successor. If I do that, it would make me look as if I'm sabotaging your engagement and that I'm being greedy. Clearly the dispute will worsen”

Wow, just wow. How old are you again, kid? I was left speechless at how this young 12 year old boy can consider all of those things so fast. And I thought I was the only precocious kid around here. Clearly, this boy named Levi is more so. Exactly what training did he underwent, I wonder.

”That would be easy to cover, if I have to I will make a stand.” Syreon retorted. ”I do not intend to make this hard on you, Levi. I just believe you are worthy in gaining all of these things from every bit of effort you have done. I on the otherhand have done nothing of sort. Look at all these paperworks around you. Father made clear that I am to hold the business industry matters but all hard choices and paperworks, every single bit: meetings held with the people, solving problems, computing stocks and even sealing deals with business associates across the seas; they were all done and handled by you. How am I to simply accept such birthrights when I did nothing to deserve it? It's time for you to claim what is rightfully yours, Levi. If you don't, I would only look as if your patronizing me. I don't need pity. I already feel so useless enough. I don't deserve something I never worked hard on.”

The silence ate the room but the restless spread across the atmosphere.

Levi and Syreon stared at each other for so many seconds that I lost track, not that I am counting though. It just felt awkward for me to be standing here, especially if the topic is mainly about their own family matters.

I stared down at my fingers, which I anxiously fidget with. I don't think now is the time to talk or walk away so I waited till one of them concede. I can see the dark skies from the windows and the soft glow of light from the chandelier was intoxicatingly sleepy. My eyelids slowly drops but I did my best to keep them open. We had traveled for almost half the day already. Oh no, I'm drowsing off... please talk... anybody...

Out from the stillness Levi hauled a sigh— a grunt can be heard in the end of it.

I quivered in surprise with the sudden noise. A gasp escapes my mouth even before I could stop it. I looked up and saw them both looking at me in astonishment. With the deafening silence, I'm certain they heard that. Ugh! I'm so embarrassed.

”And you, myLady? What do you think about this?” Levi says, trying to be considerate. I think he noticed how uncomfortable I was. ”She may only be eight but she understands well” uttered Syreon beaming at me, I know he only said that to help me ease down as well.

”What is your say regarding this matter? I want to know” says Levi, holding that gaze with stern look in his face. I took a deep breath and begun to blow the cobwebs that grown in my head.

If I agree to these, the benefits are larger but the sudden rebellion with my engagement might sound a bit stretched for my father, he might think I'm just being over decisive and reckless or submissive because all such actions puts me and my family in the middle of another nation's personal problems, the entire Eastern nation to be specific. I risk having my family involved in short. I don't want that. Worse is that I might lose the perception my father already have for me— he already thinks I'm worth trusting and that I'm mature enough to hold my own, If I suddenly act this spontaneous he might get disappointed and start treating me like I'm naive, I fear for that the most.

”I do think it's too risky for me to decide on. I'm sorry but even if it is practical and the benefits for me is immeasurable, I don't think my father will concede easily given the fact that my age is not accountable for any formal decisions that regards to our House. And especially ...my father might never take me seriously anymore if I agreed on this” I explained, looking down. I had built this image to my parents so they can trust me and that they can let me decide or do things on my own. It was hard enough during the first days for me after I woke up from falling from the tree. I was heavily guarded and escorted here and there. It was troublesome. What's worse is how fragile they think me as. I don't want that.

Now I risk it having them looking at me that way again, this time as being gullible and reckless.

”I'm really sorry” I bowed my head in shame. ”I understand” says Syreon with a smile but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. I'm really sorry, Syreon. I can't do it.

”I can't agree as well if the other party does not concede to it. It's only fair if we listen to her. She's the one that we would get involve in our family mess. So I must apologize, brother. I refuse to take your bride as mine” he bows his entire torso down. Syreon just closed his eyes. He did not utter any words for a brief moment.

”Thank you so much for your time, I know you're busy. I must let you be now” he says as his wheel chair moved towards the doorway, ”Lady Aerra, let me escort you to your chambers” Syreon opens the door and gestured at me kindly. I feel so disheartened watching him as the silence went on until we reached my assigned bedroom.

”I hope you forgive me for the uproar awhile ago. Please rest for now, dinner will be sent later on. You are welcome to attend the party tomorrow. We will provide you with your gown for it if you wish to attend. Once again, Good evening.” He slightly bows his head and then left even before I could say anything.

I could only watch his back from the silent hallways until he turns in a corner and disappears. He is an angel with his beautiful gentle-looking face, soft spoken nature and very kind too— especially with his incredible consideration for his younger brother. While I may be 18 years old in mind, I just realized, I still have no clear understanding at how to deal with men. I never had a boyfriend before. I didn't have the best relationship with the males in my previous life's family. This probably is the first time I interacted so close to get burned and yet... as all of these ethereal characters circle around my life now, I can only do as much and to watch in silence. Slowly fate unravel it's torns as time passes. It's hard not to get involved but I am trying. Soon I would know if all of my actions now is worth it— or dying later in my teenage life is something I must reconsider after all.

Syreon or Levi, should I even choose?

I went inside the room and jumped to bed. Burying my face to the soft bedsheets with gold embroideries.

Right now, everything is peaceful. These people only looks at me as how I present myself as.

But someday, I might do something and end up being hated by many. I tried to imagine Syreon and Levi staring at me with so much contempt if they realize I am to become the Fallen One.

Exactly what kind of villainess will I become? Will I set villages on fire? Will I destroy lives by stragistical evil plans? Will I crack the world into two and herald forth this world's destruction?

I've read so much but all the books I encountered felt so filtered, as if there are somethings the writers of the books did not want to share— or cannot share.

No one lived long enough to witness what happened hundred years ago so how would I know how to act against it?

Do charity? Live isolated in an island? I have no idea really.... ahh, perhaps I could ask around?

That's it, I'll ask the elders when I return to Greenrun.

~~~~~~~~~~~

”Are you okay??” I hear hurried footsteps running towards me.

It was one of those bright scorching sunny afternoons in the midsummer where the temperature was rising while the air conditioner was busted, and drinking fresh cold fruit juice was not enough to sustain my body from the heat exhaustion. But that wasn't the problem I had in particular. I think I just scraped my knee.

”What are you doing? I warned you not to run around like that.”

I looked up and saw a shadow of a woman leaning down on me as her back faces the blinding sun, covering my view. ”Mommy, look look! My knee is bleeding! But I'm... I'm... I'm fine!”

Oh. That's right. I remembered... this is when I was still a child from my previous life. The real eight year old me from way back when.

And this woman is... my— god I miss her.

”Oh! Why are you crying all of a sudden?” she snickered seeing how I pout and bit my lips to conceal my voice within. But it was no use, I sounded like a crying puppy instead.

She picks me up in her arms and made her way back inside he house. ”I'm not...! *sob* —not crying!” I went on denying because I wanted to hear her say how amazing I am for not crying but the stingy sensation on my scraped knee was the toughest thing to ignore at that time. She was giggling to my reaction, she knew I was trying to act brave.

She tended to my wound and manage to cover it with a colorful band aid with a bunny print.

”You were brave” she commended, patting my head before she carries me off the counter.

”No. Not enough! I want to be braver that I will feel no pain when I get hurt like this”

”Well I think you're brave enough.” She sat on her heels and fixes the messy strands of hair that loitered on my face, ”what you might be seeking is strength instead. Because you can be brave and still cry but when you're strong and brave, nothing can stand against you” she smiles at me and took my hand into hers and made it open. ”When I was a child, this helped me be strong.” She says now in a whisper while spelling out the word STRONG in my palm.

”Now you try it. It helps.” She pokes my nose lightly and I instantly followed what she did with my palm.

”I feel nothing”

”That's the trick there. For it to work, you need to believe that you possess that word. Imagine it as u close your eyes and write it on your palm until that feeling materializes out!”

I felt so amaze listening to her then and all I ever did almost the entire summer was to repeat that incantation until I eventually understood that strength was always been inside me, and calling it out the way she instructed me was her creative way of reminding me that I can always be strong when I want to especially at times when I feel so vulnerable and weak.

I had always admired my mother, I wanted to be strong-willed just like her. I wanted to keep my feelings in check the way she did when she handled her divorce with my father.

But then, she drifted away from me when we were left alone and all the predicaments of divorce and the rights were over. She sought a job and burried her time in it.

I didn't know how to reverse the damages then and all I ever hoped was being brave and strong was enough to swallow the facts that I was always alone in the house, recooking refrigerated foods she left and coming and leaving school like a good kid, and eventually accepting the changes in my life was part of growing up.

Even though our relationship changed, I still love my mother. I still look up to her and commend her for being the kind of woman she is.