Chapter 2: Snake Kiss – translated by samuki (1/2)

“Prince, the people you’ve brought back are rather remarkable, aren’t they?”Lolidragon asked suspiciously. “Where on earth did you find them?”

I shrugged. “Jing and Yun are my classmates; it’s just a coincidental meeting. Plus they just found out that I’m Prince. As for Kenshin and Sunshine…” I hesitated. Should I tell her?

“They’re NPCs from a hidden quest, right?” Lolidragon stated matter-of-factly.

“How did you know?” I demanded, shocked.

Lolidragon froze for a moment, and then she retorted, “I’m a hidden GM, remember?”

“Oh…,” I scratched my cheek. Didn’t she say that hidden GMs are exactly like normal players? That’s why I thought she wouldn’t know!

Lolidragon sighed deeply and shook her head in disbelief. “You’re one lucky dog, to even be able to complete this super-duper disgustingly difficult hidden mission! You know, Lantis and Kenshin were only created for fun; no one ever expected anyone to complete the mission!”

“Uh, there’s actually a reason behind that,” Should I tell Lolidragon about Kenshin and Sunshine’s ‘awakening’? I hesitated a little; after all, Lolidragon was a Second Life employee. Who knew if she would report this incident?

“It would be best for you to tell everyone that they’re your humanoid pets soon; I’ve already seen a lot of people treating them like players,” Lolidragon nagged.

“No, I can’t tell.” I waved my hands frantically.

Lolidragon asked suspiciously, “Why?”

“Uh, because they’ve gained self-awareness now and I have no intention of treating them as humanoid pets. In fact, I want them to be just like normal players.” I explained everything in one breath.

“Self-awareness?” Lolidragon paled.

As expected, it really is shocking… I took a deep breath, and then said seriously, “Lolidragon, could you please not tell? Don’t inform anyone else about this, okay? Especially not the people from the game company, or else Sunshine and Kenshin would be in danger. I don’t want them to be deleted, so please.”

Lolidragon’s stern expression remained in place for a moment, leaving me in suspense. Finally, she lost it, bursting out into a guffaw. Waving her hand, she said, “Relax, I won’t say a thing. It’s not every day that NPCs gain self-awareness. Something as fun as this, how could I tell the company and let them spoil my fun?”

I was speechless. Whichever company that had hired Lolidragon must be really unfortunate.

The door opened with a thump – Lolidragon and I looked toward the entrance, as a familiar petite figure leapt into my arms and murmured into my ear, “Prince, you’ve finally come back, oh how I’ve missed you!”

I looked down, expressionless. Fairsky really is like an unstoppable, determined roach… Then another very familiar black-haired head latched onto my back . I looked back in stoic silence. This one had even more vitality than Fairsky – Gui, with skin so tough that even bullets could not penetrate it, was looking at me with tear-filled eyes. “Your Highness, you’ve finally returned! I’ve been so worried!”

Worse still, standing in front of me with popping veins on his head, Wicked had long since drawn his sword. I looked impassively at him as he kicked Fairsky and Gui off, and then gave them the beating of their lives… The beaten duo, not wanting to take this sitting down, ganged up against Wicked. Fairsky blocked Wicked’s attacks, while Gui shot cold arrows1 at him, turning Wicked into a bloody pincushion.

“Not stopping them?” Lolidragon asked coolly.

“It’s a good show to watch, why stop it?” I replied in the same cool manner.

Just then, Wicked’s longsword was flung into the air by Fairsky, grazing my cheek and leaving a bloody line… The three brawlers paused to look back at me with regret and heartache in their eyes. I wiped the blood from my cheek with the back of my hand, smiling slightly. “Hitting me too? Interesting!”

Finally, Lolidragon ended up munching on guazi while watching as I thrashed the trio, chatting with me the whole time. “Prince, why don’t you take Phoenix on as well? She’s been moaning about Fan day and night; Nan Gong Zui’s frustrated, as is White Bird.”

“Who’s White Bird?” I punched Gui with my right hand, stepped on Wicked with my left leg, and tickled Fairsky with my left hand using all my strength.

“Oh, you still don’t know. I’ll tell you all about what’s happened!”

Lolidragon told me everything that had transpired during my absence.

“What? Rose and Broken Sword are together?” I paled; in shock, wondering if we had to give them red packets2 soon. It can’t be, right? Recently mom’s been running out to play all the time and she hasn’t written any manuscripts; our house’s finances are a mess. Where am I supposed to get the money for the red packets? When I thought of this, I lashed out more violently at the trio on the floor.

“Are you jealous?” Lolidragon lifted an eyebrow.

At this time, the almost dead trio on the floor leapt up suddenly, looking at me with worried faces. I replied hotly, “No way!”

“That’s good,” someone from the side sighed in relief. I looked over to spot Broken Sword, Rose, and… everyone else.

“When did everyone arrive?” I asked stupidly.

“They started trickling in when you began beating the trio up.” Lolidragon shrugged.

I smiled awkwardly at all of them. “Uh, hello guys.”

“Pfft!” Yun suddenly burst out laughing… Hey, what’s wrong with you, guys don’t go “pfft”, only girls do that! What business do you, a grown man, have laughing like that? “Dàgē, how come you’re becoming more and more stupid? In the beginning, you were even the picture of sternness.”

I aimed a flying kick at him. Exposing my cover? Are you courting death? After kicking him, I smoothed my clothes, and gestured at the four people I was about to introduce to everyone. “This is Gu Yun Fei, a barrier master; Lu Jing, an exorcist; Sunshine, a mage; and Kenshin, a warrior.”

Yun, who had been thrown to the floor by my kick, looked sullen before posing like a mermaid. “Hi everyone, I’m the Gu Yun Fei who’s always bullied by dàgē.”

“I’m Lu Jing. I’m really happy to meet everyone,” Jing posed shamelessly in a cutesy manner in front of the crowd.

“I’m Sunshine, pleased to meet you,” Sunshine smiled elegantly with a tinge of warmth.

“Kenshin,” Kenshin said curtly.

Seeing as all four had finished their self-introductions, I guessed that it was time for me to introduce everyone else to them. But… I counted the amount of people present, and decided to forget about the introductions. I said carelessly, “You guys mingle slowly and get acquainted with each other.”

“Prince, the comrades you’ve brought back this time are extremely talented!” Wolf-dàgē patted my head fondly.

“Of course they’re strong; you don’t know how much time and effort I’ve spent on them!” I sighed, misty-eyed, thinking back to that time…

I had finished the arduous climb up the highest peak, Azure Mountain, only to find the three old prophets standing in front of the stone monument, saying, “Come on! Young one, if you defeat us, you can become the Demon King…” Ah, that’s not right! Defeat them, and they would give me a pile of dung. I stared at it, face full of disbelief, as I thought, What would I need a pile of dung for? I’m not planting any crops, so I don’t need fertilizer, right?

“The main point of this mission is to give you a Great Returning Pill. The stone monument’s name and the prophecies are extras,” Kenshin explained slowly. Seeing the disgusted look on my face as I looked at the pile of ‘Returning Pills’, Kenshin added, “If you eat the Great Returning Pill, your experience points will be multiplied by ten during a period of three days.”

“Oh? That’s quite impressive,” I smiled nicely at the three old farts. Respect to the elderly was an alien thought at the moment.

Kenshin and I gave the three old farts a good beating before taking the dung and stone monument down the mountain along with us, finding there the two familiar people who were in the midst of a good barbeque.

“The two of you share this pile of dung and then we’ll go to the Ghost Cove and train.” I snatched away the aromatic freshly-roasted meat and, ignoring the shocked expressions on their faces, force-fed them a half of the pile each. Seeing that both of them had fainted immediately after, Kenshin and I had no choice but to carry one each and rush back to Ghost Cove.

When we returned to Ghost Cove, I struggled for what seemed like forever at Broken Cliff before being kicked down by an impatient Kenshin… After saving Sunshine, we helped Jing and Yun to train like mad at Ghost Cove. With the help of the Great Returning Pill, both of them managed to level up nearly 15 levels. Lastly, we used Sunshine’s flying carpet to hurry back to Infinite City. Because I was afraid that we wouldn’t make it back in time, I had even threatened the carpet, forcing it to fly at a breakneck speed… If it didn’t, I would have used it as an entrance mat at Infinite City, free for all passers-by to clean their shoes on.

Sigh! These two life-long friends of mine and the two NPCs who had gained self-awareness spent a lot of my time and effort! Ah well, the end justifies the means.

I stopped reminiscing and looked back at everyone else, only to notice that they all looked frustrated yet were at a loss of what to do. When I followed their gaze I saw… Ice Phoenix! Ah, I sighed, I had already promised Nan Gong Zui that I’d take care of his god-sister, plus Lolidragon has also told me to take Phoenix under my wing, so it looks like I can’t escape this matter anymore.

“Phoenix…” I affixed an angst-ridden expression on my face and walked toward Phoenix.

Phoenix yelled at me in panic. “Don’t come over here!”

I stopped in mid-step and softly said one line. “I didn’t know you hated me that much.”

“No, no, it’s just that you…” Phoenix didn’t know what to say for a while, and then she started crying.

I actually made Phoenix cry! I became flustered too. At a time like this, what should I do? In the midst of the panic and disorder, I seemed to hear Lolidragon whisper, “Go and hug her, you idiot.”

Roar! Easy for you to say! But seeing that Phoenix was crying so miserably, I could only bury my sighs deep in my heart and hug Phoenix gently, while consoling her. “It’s alright, don’t cry, no one will blame you.”

At first, Phoenix struggled in my arms, but the more she struggled the tighter I held her until she was finally snug in my embrace, weeping her heart out.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it, b-because Fan he- he begged me, and I still can’t forget him…” Phoenix wailed her explanations out in my arms.

Was I too merciful to Fan, to just let him off like that? Ay, I’m becoming less and less bloody; next time I will improve!

“It’s okay, you can start forgetting now. If you think of him, you can just come and hug me.” As I spoke, I stroked Phoenix’s long hair; I was beginning to understand why men love girls with long-hair; smooth and fragrant, long hair is really a pleasure to touch indeed.

“Prince…” Phoenix shyly buried her face in my chest until only two red ear tips were visible.

“Hmm?” I lifted my nose out from Phoenix’s silky hair and realized that I really shouldn’t have looked up, as I immediately noticed three vengeful spirits… Gui was being held up by Wolf-dàgē in mid-air with his legs kicking out at the air; Wicked was held back by Zui and White Bird, his eyes blood-shot; Fairsky was being pulled back by Rose and Broken Sword, so angry that her cheeks were puffed up.

I broke out in a cold sweat and stiffened – Phoenix obviously noticed that too as she lifted her head up shyly. She then noticed the three vengeful spirits… Her expression changed; she looked at me with a strange resolve… Ugh, I suddenly had a very bad premonition, and while my instincts have never been right about good predictions, they’re superb when it comes to the bad.

“Prince, if you really accept me, then kiss me.” Phoenix closed her eyes and lifted her head high, every inch the picture of a maiden waiting to be ravished.

Ugh… I was right again. Kissing her would be no problem at all, since I’ve already kissed more interesting people – for girls I’ve kissed my own cousin, for guys I’ve kissed the game’s NPC, Kenshin. What more could frighten me?However, if I were to kiss her in front of the three angry spirits, I’ll never have another peaceful day. Gui would cry until the Great Wall of China falls down3, Wicked would nag to me about girls’ chastity, and Fairsky would go crazy; she might even challenge Phoenix to a duel.

In my hesitation, Phoenix had already opened her tear-filled eyes, but she was doing her utmost to hold back those tears. How… extremely heart-wrenching!

I made my decision. No longer hesitant, I lifted her shocked face, and kissed her roughly.