192 Troll Army (1/2)
Then he read what people were saying:
”If this nerd can do it, so can I!”
”I don't believe I'll be worse than an Oompa-Loompa.”
”This guy looks familiar. Isn't he from that meme shoppin's got me hoppin'? Shlomo?”
Many young people found Ben's writing inspirational, but not for the reason he wanted--they all used it to step on his head!
Despite that, he somehow maintained a shaky smile…even though his eyes were dead… 'I suppose it's still good. At least the comments aren't negative.' Then he scrolled down:
”How'd they put this fool on the front of the site? He looks like the kind of guy that starts steroids to play musical chairs.”
…
”He looks like Jesse Eisenberg if he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome.”
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”He looks like an undercover cop at an elementary school sleepover.”
…
For the first time as a content creator, Ben had run into the omnipresent internet haters. That wasn't the end of the spiteful comments either:
”Little b*tch, I will f*ck your soul in hell!”
Ben shook his head. 'Damn, the 4channers are here…'
When most writers read hateful comments like these early in their careers, they became upset. Sometimes, it was to the point it affected their writing. However, after thinking of how to respond, Ben only sneered and cracked his fingers, because these fools just walked into his dragon cave without knowing it…
The thing was, Male's Health already provided him with an author's account in order to promote ”author-fan interaction.” So Ben planned to do just that. He'd even go one step further, with the interaction in his mind being the kind to create lasting memories, ones the fans would never forget, without the intervention of an expensive therapist...
Most of the commenters possessed user accounts that linked to their social media with photos. So Ben took the time to get to know them, visiting their pages one by one, which allowed him to customize heartfelt messages. That's how he began showing his appreciation:
”You seem like the type of dude to run for city council so you could petition to put speed bumps everywhere, just so you could drive with a butt plug.”
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”You look like a grown man who lives in your parent's attic because your younger brother beat you in a wrestling match to live in the larger basement.”
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”You look like an ice cream sandwich Jonah Hill took a bite out of and then threw away because it wasn't worth ruining his diet.”
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”If Trump finished building the wall over Mexico, you look like where he'd build the next wall, just around you.”
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”You seem like the type of dude who's mother collects fireflies every night because they can't afford electricity.”
…
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”You look like if a character from Rugrats grew up to work on a Bubba Gump Shrimp boat.”
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”You look like the type of dude that watches film on opponents before playing foosball.”
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”You look like the type of dude that intentionally gets sent to prison because he's lonely.”
...
”You seem like you worked 2 jobs to pay your way through a PhD at clown college.”
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”You look like if scientists merged the DNA of guinea pigs and a bicycle seat.”
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”You seem like the type of dude that tries on underwear before buying it.”
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”You look like an orangutang suffering from a peanut allergy.”
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”You look like a valet at someone's colon.”
…
After Ben gave his personal thanks to each and every one of his loyal fans for their support, those who were online and read his words, almost fell back in their chairs!
That wasn't the end of it either! Headaches, coughing, blurry vision! Their symptoms varied, but upon reading Ben's message for them, they all felt unwell!
It was the effect of Ben's title!
[Poison Dragon(fine): Your verbal insults carry a little bonus soul damage in proportion to each insult's effectiveness on the target]
They'd never experienced such intense and concentrated hate! Right away, most of them quit, realizing they were dealing with a genuine veteran of vitriol... However, a few persisted and fired back: