14 Precious (1/2)

”Wanyin - !” Lan Xichen called, running after Jiang Cheng.

But, he lost him. A deep hole appeared on his chest, making him hard to breathe as he remembered Jiang Cheng's back earlier when he chased him.

”Wanyin...” he muttered under his breath. ”Why don't you let me explain...?” he asked and gritted his teeth as he heard footsteps behind him. ”Wangji.” He said.

”Brother.” Lan Wangji answered and stopped a few feet away from him.

Lan Xichen slowly raised his head and saw his younger brother. A bitter smile appeared on his face.

”Why can't I be like you...?” he asked as his tears finally fell.

Why can't he be as decisive as his younger brother? Because of him hesitating with his feelings, he lost him.

It all started with that one simple question.

”Why do you smile?” he asked him.

He stopped and looked at him, surprised. ”...en?” He said. ”What does Sect Leader Jiang means?” He asked.

Yes. It's Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng grimaced and looked at him, hesitating. ”...no. Forget what I said.” He said and sipped his drink.

He looked at him. ”Why I smile...” he muttered. ”Sect Leader Jiang... haven't smiled before?” he asked.

Jiang Cheng's hand froze. His face became serious. ”... I did.” He answered.

”Then why did you smile?” he asked.

”... I was happy.” Jiang Cheng answered.

He stared at him. 'was'. He thought, then lowered his head. ”I am sad.” He said after a while.

Jiang Cheng looked at him.

He raised his head, then smiled. ”Like I am now.” He told him. ”Sect Leader Jiang... seems doesn't know how to differentiate smiles.” He said, then stood up. ”Seems like Sect Leader Jiang isn't in the mood to talk. I'll be taking my leave.” He said and quietly walked towards the door.

Yes. I am sad. He thought and stopped. He felt the cold night breeze touched his skin. It's as cold as what he's feeling right now.

He was about to leave when he stopped.

”How will I know?” Jiang Cheng softly said. ”I don't know how to do it anymore.” He said.

He sharply turned, wide-eyed, and looked at the shadow of the person inside. He... he thought. He walked back, his pace fast.

How can I be stupid? He thought. Of course he can't smile, given what happened to his family. He thought and bit his lip. I was the one who even went and helped him! Stupid! He thought and sighed.

He stopped in front of the door. He raised his hand and was about to knock when the lights went off.

”Ah.” He said. ”He must be sleeping now.” He muttered.

He silently left.

What happened next was out of his expectations. He stared, wide-eyed, at his hands bathed in blood of Jin Guangyao.

”No...” he muttered under his breath as tears ran down his cheeks. ”No...” he said. Just what did I do?! He thought.

Jin Guangyao looked at him. To his surprise, he smiled. ”... be strong.” He told him. ”I've... finally paid my debts to you – ” he told him and slowly closed his eyes, a peaceful smile on his face.

”NO!” he screamed and caught him when he fell down.

He struck him!

This became his nightmare, and haunted him for many nights, making him sleepless. He struck the one who showed genuine kindness to him. He killed him with his hands...

How ungrateful of him! He thought and silently cried.

He stared at the water, showing him his past with Jin Guangyao. How they met... until how they ended.

He gritted his teeth and balled his fists that's hidden in his sleeves. He didn't know how long was he holding himself back when he felt another presence.

He turned. He saw him and he's about to leave.

”Wait.” He called him.

He turned. ”What?” he asked him.

What the GusuLan Sect teaches him, he never dares forget – even if his feelings are in turmoil right now. He was about to smile when he spoke, which surprised him.

”Don't bother.” Jiang Cheng said.

Yes. It's him.

His eyes went wide and his mind blanked out for a second. He stared at him. He's... he thought and smiled, but forced.

I gratefully accept your kind words. He thought. ”What is Sect Leader Jiang doing here?” he asked.

”Same as Sect Leader Lan.” Jiang Cheng answered.

He froze. Why are we so similar? He thought. ”Sect Leader Jiang now knows why I smile.” He said.

Jiang Cheng just knew that Wei Wuxian sacrificed his golden core just to make Jiang Cheng go on living.

Yes... our important person in our life is... he thought bitterly.

”I'm leaving.” He told him and walked past him. There's no point in licking the wounds of each other. They'd just make it worse. ”Thanks for accompanying me, Sect Leader Jiang.” He told him and bowed.

”.. I once smiled during those times.” Jiang Cheng said.

He stopped.

”It was...” Jiang Cheng said, then paused. ”... when someone pulled me from the darkest abyss and brought me to light.” He said, then raised his head. ”When he smiled at me, I... subconsciously smiled back.” He said.

”Why did you smile back?” he quietly asked.

”Maybe... I – ” Jiang Cheng said, staring at the blue sky above the green forest. ” – that time... I was happy.” He answered.

”Why would you be happy?” he asked and gritted his teeth as he balled his fists.

You are deep down the abyss... life has been cruel and unfair to you, yet you...! He thought, mad, as he remembered again what happened to him.

Yes. He wanted to scream these words yet he doesn't know to whom should he tell these.

So unfair... why? He thought and lowered his head. ”You were at the abyss all those times before I – ” he said.

Obviously, he was the one who took him away from that abyss. He saw that the world his been cruel towards him, too, and so he helped him.

The same as when Jin Guangyao helped him.

Jiang Cheng cut him off. ”Well, maybe I was just too out of my mind that time I don't know what to do or feel anymore, and so I just copied what that person did – ” he said and shrugged.

He looked at him. He stared at his face, searching for the truth in his words. Sect Leader Jiang... you... he thought, a complicated look in his eyes.

But, one thing could be definitely seen: admiration.

How can he be strong? He thought. Despite all that he's been through... he thought and lowered his head. ”... can you – ” he said, then took a deep breath. He looked at him in the eye. ” – smile for me?” he asked.

Jiang Cheng's eyes went wide.