Chapter 906: Both solitary wanderers at the ends of the earth (1/2)

Ning Jing never expected Han Yunxi to admit her “illicit love affair” with Long Feiye so easily, much less the question she’d asked her in turn. She stood stunned. She assumed that no one in the world would ever ask her about those feelings, which were supposed to break off just like she’d broken things off with Tang Li. It was supposed to remain hidden in the depths of her memory, so she’d never held out hope that someone else would understand.

But so what if someone did?

Ah, love! If she didn’t love him, why would she allow herself to be pregnant with his child? If she didn’t love him, why would she still be keeping his relationship with Long Feiye a secret to this day? But this was a forbidden love, just like the child in her womb. She could only change her name and hide her identity while never finding happiness.

“I don’t love him!” Ning Jing cried.

Han Yunxi knitted her brows and came straight to the point. “Ning Jing, you’re such a coward that I can’t take it! What, you dare to love but don’t have the guts to admit it?”

“I’m not doing that!” Ning Jing rejected again.

“Fine, then I’ll go kill Tang Li right now! In any case, he’ll never betray the Tang Clan even in the Di Clan’s hands. It’s better for him to die early and reincarnate!” As Han Yunxi prepared to call for the guards, Ning Jing rushed over like a madwoman and covered her mouth. A bystander might even assume she was trying to kill the woman instead.

Han Yunxi shoved Ning Jing’s hand aside and demanded, “You still won’t admit it? If you’re so afraid, then stop loving him at all!”

“Han Yunxi, do you think feelings are negotiable? Do you think I can toss them away at will?” Ning Jing had finally fallen apart. She collapsed to the ground as tears streamed from her eyes like strings of pearls. “I love him...Han Yunxi, I love Tang Li, I really, really love him, but I can’t! I can’t betray my big brother again, I’ve already hurt him so much! I can’t love him...I don’t dare…”

Her self reproach and grievances filled her heart as tears flooded her face. Even with an older brother and sister, she had never been doted on or taken care of in her youth. Besides their duties, the Ning siblings only harbored mutually cherished feelings for each other deep in their hearts. She had been crossdressing as a man since she was a child, enough that she often forgot she was actually a girl. It wasn’t until she met Tang Li that things changed. No matter how she ordered him about, tormented him, or even hit and cursed him, he only chuckled and smiled while protecting her constantly. He never cursed back or raised a hand against her. Although she knew it was all fake and kept her guard, she was infatuated with the feeling of being protected and spoiled. In the end, she’d fallen in love with that man and started to depend on him.

At first, Han Yunxi’s expression remained cold, but her heart gradually splintered at Ning Jing’s sobs. To love someone while knowing it was impossible was a pain she knew all too well. Han Yunxi gently cradled Ning Jing in her arms so the girl could bury her face against her legs. She said simply, “Ning Jing, don’t cry. Remember, whoever you like or don’t like is your own business. There’s nothing forbidden about it, only whether or not you yourself are willing.”

Ning Jing suddenly pushed Han Yunxi aside. Her face was streaked by crying, her emotions astir. “I can’t! I can’t! Han Yunxi, you can’t, you’re not allowed! We can’t disappoint the Di Clan like this or hurt Ning Cheng!”

“I didn’t hurt him! That time was an accident!” Han Yunxi grew agitated as well. “Ning Jing, there’s a secret between East and West Qin that stopped the fighting and united them against the Wind Clan. Since I’ve returned to the Di Clan, I’ll act as the West Qin princess and advance or retreat with the Di Clan as necessary, even if that means going to the battlefield. I won’t hesitate even after seeing Long Feiye there! I never thought of letting down Ning Cheng’s loyalty!”

Ning Jing was surprised. “I don’t believe it!”

“Uncle Cheng should know the details. You can ask him if you don’t believe me!” Han Yunxi stated.

Ning Jing couldn’t understand it. “But why?”

“Why?” Only then did Han Yunxi realize that Ning Jing was a foolish girl, too! She countered back, “Because love is non-negotiable. You can’t stop loving someone just because you said you won’t. Because I’m like you, someone of West Qin who can’t betray the Di Clan’s years of loyalty. Thus, I have to love bravely, and shoulder my responsibilities with courage.” A bitter smile graced her features. “Ning Jing, even if there’s no good ending to this, at least it was love on a true and spectacular scale. At least I tried, isn’t that right? Long Feiye and I made a promise to each other that we’d meet on the battlefield, but that we’d never cross swords.”

As she spoke, she took out a certain item: East Qin’s imperial jade seal. Ning Jing gaped at the sight and even stopped crying.

“Long Feiye gave this to me. On the day I leave him for good, I’ll return this to him,” Han Yunxi was smiling, but her eyes had grown damp as well. Still, she forced herself to hold back the tears and keep up her confident grin.

“Ning Jing, do you know why Long Feiye and I are fighting against Bai Yanqing? For the sake of rescuing Gu Beiyue! For the sake of investigating the truth behind the Great Qin Empire’s civil war all those years ago! Both sides had wildly different accounts of the origins, so it’s very possible that everything was a misunderstanding! Do you understand?”

“This…” Ning Jing was shocked.

“Ning Cheng’s convinced that Long Feiye’s been lying to me this whole time to use me,” Han Yunxi said as she put the jade seal away. “Ning Jing, join us to discover the truth about the past. This is the only chance you have to stay together with Tang Li.”

Ning Jing’s hand couldn’t help but touch her stomach, hidden under layers of expansive robes. This wasn’t just a chance for her and Tang Li, but this innocent child as well.

“Han Yunxi, what makes you so certain that I’ll trust you and help you?” Ning Jing asked.

“Because you’re in the same plight as me,” Han Yunxi said seriously. “Rather than hiding your pain, why not let loose? No matter how bad the consequences are, could it be any worse than what you’re dealing with now?”

Ning Jing’s gaze slowly rested on Han Yunxi’s sleeve. There lay hidden East Qin’s imperial jade seal. She stared at it unmovingly until Han Yunxi began to grow doubts. She had devoted herself wholeheartedly to Ning Jing, so the woman couldn’t sell her out now, right? If Ning Jing exposed her secret with the seal, then Long Feiye would be in big trouble.