448 The painstakingly found sense of reality (1/2)

She was nearly killed by loneliness.

But when she came to the crossroads of whether to free herself or to resolutely continue on, she finally chose to live on with firm resolution.

That was because when her mother closed her eyes forever, she had gently said to her.

”Mom will always stay by your side. Mom will watch Dawn grow up, as long as Dawn lives on happily and healthily, Mom will never disappear. Mom will always, always live in Dawn's heart.”

Ah, if Dawn were to die,

Mom will disappear.

Therefore, she could not die!

She could not die!

She still could not die!

She wanted to defeat loneliness. She wanted to carry on living!

In order to battle loneliness, the four-and-a-half-year-old girl began talking to herself.

Began speaking to unspeaking trees, to silent rocks, to twittering birds, she would pour out the words in her heart. Her grievances, her pains, her sadness, her mother, her little bits of happiness, what she had done today, what she had done yesterday, what she had previously done, what she wanted to do in the future, what she would definitely do if she left the uninhabited island, what she...

She would confide everything she wanted to say. She would produce voices she wanted to produce.

She constantly confided to her silent audience which were destined to never respond.

But, but it did not matter. It truly did not matter. That was...sufficient.

As long as she could confide in something, even if it was her speaking to herself, even if there was no response, but as long as she could confide, she would not feel that lonely. She could obtain that tiny bit—something that she needed to obtain even if it was a tiny bit—of courage to live on.

Finally, the girl defeated loneliness. It was a close victory, a Pyrrhic victory. She had nearly lost.

That was because she was rescued. After three years, she was finally found by the family clan. She was rescued off the island and was returned to civilization. If it was another year, no, maybe a month, a week or even a day, she might very well have collapsed.

But very luckily, she was not defeated by loneliness.

Ha, ha...ha. So lucky...

Yes, she survived. Mom was still by her side. Mom had still not disappeared. Wasn't this luck?

Even after she returned to the human world, she lost all her expressions and emotions. She was not even able to communicate with ordinary humans. Was that also considered lucky?

However, the intense battle with loneliness eventually left behind repercussions.

She was unable to communicate normally with ordinary people. She was not one who walled herself in or not speak. It was completely the opposite. When she was facing strangers, she could still chat. She could even continue on for days.

But she could not hear a sound.

She could not hear the response of the other person.

Or it could be said that she subconsciously treated the human she was facing as a tree, rock or bird!

It was an illness, a mental illness. It was an untreatable illness that only she could treat herself.

She eventually did not treat herself. She did not feel like there was a need to treat herself either because she was already accustomed to it. She was accustomed to not receiving any response to her words. She was accustomed to ice-cold silence.

Even though she could question and answer others, but to her, it was just a question and answer session with herself. Because on that island, she had spoke to herself countless times. Naturally, she had engaged in a question and answer session by herself.