Chapter 61 (1/2)

”You okay?” he asks tenderly as his thumb lightly caresses my bottom lip.

”Yes.” I reply, though in all honesty I'm just not sure. I feel a paradigm shift. I know that if I do this thing with him, I will get hurt. He's not capable, interested, or willing to offer me any more... and I want more. Much more. The surge of jealousy I felt only moments ago tells me that I have deeper feelings for him than I have admitted to myself.

”Wednesday,” he confirms, and he leans forward and kisses me softly. Something changes while he's kissing me, his lips grow more urgent against mine, his hand moves up from my chin and he's holding the side of my head, his other hand on the other side. His breathing accelerates. He deepens the kiss, leaning into me. I put my hands on his arms.

I want to run them through his hair, but I resist, knowing that he won't like it. He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his voice strained.

”Anastasia,” he whispers. ”What are you doing to me?”

”I could say the same to you,” I whisper back.

Taking a deep breath, he kisses my forehead and leaves. He strolls purposefully down the path towards his car as he runs his hand through his hair. Glancing up as he opens his car door, he smiles his breathtaking smile. My answering smile is weak, completely dazzled by him, and I'm reminded once more of Icarus soaring too close to the Sun. I close the front door as he climbs into his sporty car. I have an overwhelming urge to cry, a sad and lonely melancholy grips and tightens round my heart. Dashing back to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it trying to rationalize my feelings. I can't. Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow.

Kate knocks gently.

”Ana?” she whispers. I open the door. She takes one look at me and throws her arms around me.

”What's wrongWhat did that creepy good-looking bastard do?”

”Oh Kate, nothing I didn't want him to.”

She pulls me to my bed and we sit.

”You have dreadful sex hair.”

In spite of my poignant sadness, I laugh.

”It was good sex, not dreadful at all.”

Kate smiles.

”That's better. Why are you cryingYou never cry.” She retrieves my brush from the side table, and sitting behind me, very slowly starts brushing out the knots.

”I just don't think our relationship is going to go anywhere.” I stare down at my fingers.

”I thought you said you were going to see him on Wednesday?”

”I am, that was our original plan.”

”So, why did he turn up here today?”

”I sent him an email.”

”Asking him to drop by?”

”No, saying I didn't want to see him anymore.”

”And he turns upAna, that's genius.”

”Actually it was a joke.”

”Oh. Now I'm really confused.”

Patiently, I explain the essence of my email without giving anything away.

”So you thought he'd reply by email.”

”Yes.”

”But instead he turns up here.”