Chapter 61 (1/2)

The pure experience of Tessa hearing him speak of her that way makes me fucking ecstatic. This is what I’ve been warning her of all along: He has never been the sweet, innocent man she was manipulated into thinking he was.

Granted, I do know that he has some feelings for her—I’m not completely blind to that—but his intentions were never pure. He just proved that to her, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m a selfish bastard, but I never claimed otherwise.

Without another word, Zed walks out the front door and into the rain. Headlights flash through the front windows as he peels off and disappears down the street.

“HARDIN?” TESSA’S VOICE IS SOFT and laced with exhaustion. We’ve been in the backseat of this cab for almost an hour without a single word between the two of us.

“Yeah?” My voice breaks and I clear my throat.

“Who’s Samantha?”

I have been waiting for her to ask this question since we pulled away from her mum’s house. I could lie to her, I could make up a bullshit story to make Zed look like the piece of shit he is, or I could be honest for once.

“She’s a girl who had an internship at Vance. I fucked her while she was dating Zed.” I decide not to lie, but regret the harsh words when Tessa flinches. “Sorry, I just want to be honest,” I add in an attempt to soften the words.

“You knew she was his girlfriend when you slept with her?” She stares straight into me in that way only she can.

“Yeah, I knew. That’s why I did it.” I shrug, ignoring the pinch of remorse threatening to surface.

“Why?” Her eyes search mine for a decent answer, but I don’t have one. I only have the truth. The filthy, fucked-up truth.

“I have no excuse, it was just a game for me.” I sigh, wishing I weren’t such a piece of shit. Not for Zed’s sake, or Samantha’s, but for this beautiful, sweet girl who even now doesn’t have a hint of judgment in her eyes as she looks at me, waiting for further explanation.

“You forget that I wasn’t the same before I met you. I was nothing like the man you know. Well, I know you think I’m fucked-up now, but trust me, you would hate me even more if you knew me then.” I look away from her and out the window. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you really have helped me so much, you’ve given me a purpose, Tess.”

I hear her sharp exhale of breath and I cringe at the thought of how my words must sound. Pathetic and insincere, I’m sure.

“And what’s that purpose?” she asks timidly in the sudden stillness of the night.

“I’m still trying to figure that out. But I will figure it out, so please try and stick around long enough for me to find the answer?”

She looks at me but stays quiet.

I’m thankful for that, I don’t think I could handle her rejection right now. I turn my head and look out into the black-black darkness of the landscape around us and am glad that nothing final and devastating came from her mouth.