4 4-Incognito (1/2)

I sit in bed listening to my mother on the phone with my dad until after nine and start to wonder if I'll be able to sneak out or not. I didn't even tell Arriana that I'm meeting Zayne, all I told anyone is that I had a long day and wanted to go to bed early.

My mom didn't question it after seeing how exhausted I was this morning. Arriana gave me a suspicious side glance but shrugged it off as the day had a rough start.

Once the house falls silent I slip on my shoes, shove my iPod and phone in my pocket, and slowly open my window. I climb out carefully and make my way to the front of the house. I wait until my mom's light goes out before mounting my bike and taking off, I check my watch and it says it's 9:38.

I try to keep a steady pace but my need to sleep slows me down. What normally would only take ten minutes took closer to fifteen, cutting my arrival time really close to ten o'clock. Zayne is already there sitting on the swing set.

His pink hair pokes out from under his hoodie as he slowly swings back and forth, kicking the floor while he swings.

”You know,” His head jerks up when he hears me, ”I could push you, get you more than two inches in the air.”

He adopts this sly, crooked grin as he leans over the side of the swing, ”My hero.”

As I walk behind him to sit on the other swing, I give him a quick push and he laughs. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh or seen a genuine smile. He came out in middle school, and the day he came out was one of the last days he really seemed happy.

”Do your parents know you're here?” He gives me a skeptical look.

”No, I snuck out my window after my mom went to bed. And I didn't sneak out for the reasons you think.”

His face doesn't change and my smile grows.

”I promise it's not because I'm embarrassed to be seen with you or because I'm doing this out of pity.”

”Ok, then why? Why be out here with me?”

”I admire you.”

His skepticism vanishes and his mouth drops open slightly as his eyes widen and his entire body relaxes.

The silence stretches out farther and neither of us move. Neither of us know what to do or say. We're both helpless in shock.

I watch as his lips dry out from his mouth hanging open. He is the first to move as he licks his lips and turns to the empty playground in front of us.

”Zayne, you live in a place that isn't really going to express what I just said even though you deserve to hear it. You have the courage to own who you are and even when they beat you, tear you down, and belittle you, you don't give into them. It would be so easy for you to just give it to every beating but you fight back. You could have dropped out or transferred schools and pretended to be straight but you stay in the place you know and stay true to you. You have a lot about you worth admiring.”

He looks over at me, his jaw clenched and his eyes shinning, ”I don't think you could grasp how much I needed someone to say something like that. And to top it all of, I can't figure out why you did.”

I feel my heartbeat in my teeth, and my stomach fills with knots. I start to wonder if I'm going to puke. I sit there for a few minutes as I try to gain the courage to say what I came here to say.

”I... I admire you for having the strength to do what I still can't. I envy your ability to be honest about who you are.”

His entire demeanor shifts, he straightens up and his face softens, after a few minutes of silence he says, ”Are you saying that you're gay?”