Chapter 50: Unexisting, Unfeeling (1/2)

TL: flarewk

No..........what am I exactly thinking!

I can't just believe her that easily! Who the hell knows whether she would exactly be kidding around or not!

The midnight bell rang just earlier, and by right, she should have already heard it. That also means that it's the 2nd of April as of right now, with April Fool already being over............yet she said that it's an April Fool's joke?

It's probably only me overthinking about it already............but there's the possibility, that this manner of dissuasion was to merely let me lax down my guard.

Wasn't there that sort of saying? That when people get anxious or terrified, their bodies would secrete out adrenaline, causing meat to turn sour and become nasty when consumed. Hence, she would be saying some nice-sounding words in order to soothe my feelings, right?

I mustn't drop my guard no matter what, as there aren't any chances for repeating living once again. Right now, I don't have any such luxury, hence onto every detail, I must be pondering it through carefully.

(TL: neta that anime which the MC possessed the power to reincarnate whenever he dies? Re: Zero or something)

Think, brain. When I was studying usually I hadn't really been using it at all, and if I don't use it right now, perhaps I really wouldn't get to use it already...........I still want to complete reading all those unfinished manga and light novels desu...........

Mn...........the pre-requisite was that I could perfectly leave unscathed from this place right now............

No, I'm not so unreasonably hoping to be perfectly unscathed already, it'll do as long as it's not missing an arm or a leg. I already had the mentality onto losing away a few fingers.

Although my inner self had already regained its composure, I still displayed out a look of worry as I reconfirmed it for the third time towards her.

”You really won't be eating me? It's impossible for me to believe you just by basing on your words, and you also didn't make any substantial guarantees either, so how can I trust that you really won't be eating me?”

With a 'pu chi', Xiang Yue Xun laughed, clutching onto her stomach as she thumped her legs about. After laughing for quite a while, her face unveiled out an amused expression as she made fun of me.

”Pu, ahahahahahahahahaha~ youuu~ you're really such a timid person, don't tell me that I'll still need to write a letter of guarantee titled as 《Xiang Yue Xun absolutely won't eat An Jun Cheng》?”

”That's for the best then.”

If it's possible, it'll be great if it was to append your signature within, with a fingerprint planted afterwards.

Perhaps she didn't expect me to actually reply her casually spoken out words with such a serious expression, as Xiang Yue Xun looked at me with a rather strange face and blinked quite a couple of times, and in the end only bitterly laughed, giving off a sigh while saying.

”Even if you say so, right now I also don't have any pen or paper desu............and also, even if I was to write a letter of guarantee for you, would you believe me?”

”...........”

Xiang Yue Xun squinted her eyes, the corner of her lips unfolding out a meaningful smile, with the 'desu' word addiction carried behind her sentences disappearing, and displayed out a look of cunning wiliness.

”Even if I was to write a letter of guarantee for you, you definitely would then say 'It's merely a piece of paper, being able to be torn up anytime, so there's basically no effective usage at all.' such type of words, right. And seeing how this develops, probably only I tying myself up would then guarantee onto your safety, heeh............hehee, you're thinking of getting the dominancy into your hands, tricking me into a word trap, huh? You're quite the intelligent person, heeh.”

Tch, it's being seen through already huh.............

As expected, it couldn't be that simple onto deceiving her.

Seeing her personality being so cheery, I still thought that it's that kind of empty brained type (idiot) too, but in the end was unexpectedly abundantly wise, huh?

The aged experienced feeling being shown often at times just now wasn't a misconception, it looks like she indeed had been living for quite a long period of time already. Although she looked like a small student who was about to graduate into middle school, who knows that in reality that her age might even be older than my grandpa who had already passed away.

Once age had exceeded a certain numbering, and experiencing countless things thereafter, one then be able to compile those gathered knowledge into wisdom.

The Xiang Yue Xun right now gave off that sort of feeling.

”Fufu, if it's me who had just came to the surface world, I'll probably be completely played about by you. But I've already been living in this world for over 500 hundred years, hm? Towards the cunning of you humans, I had already firmly remembered it from all sort of ways............”

Xiang Yue Xun slowly opened up her squinted eyes, with that pair of red pupils becoming even more freshly red. It even turned into a risen-up state, just as sharp as like a new moon that was hanging in the night sky.

And afterwards, I who was being gazed at by such eyes, my body became paralyzed once again!

It was being even more paralyzed than previously earlier, as it's simply like being separated out from this field of space, with my body being completely unable to budge. Even the mentality to retaliate also couldn't be developed.

What closely followed next was everything in my sight becoming darkened. That clocktower in the middle of the park, I couldn't hear the 'ka da ka da' sounds from the moving second hand already. Even though I was near the pool of blood, I became unable to smell the blood stenches instead, and I couldn't feel Xiang Yue Xun who was lying onto my legs, just like as if she had suddenly vanished already.

No...........it's not that she had vanished already, but it's my five senses currently being stolen away!

”Now do you understand already? Not only I can eat away your body...........but can eat away your 'senses' as well...........playing with you about............in-between my palms............”

The voice was distant, very distant, I hearing it till the end until it became too soft to be heard, in the end turning into being not able to hear anything at all.

My sense of sight were also fading, what those residual vision lastly saw was............that greyish red-colored status!

Afterwards, I became nothing already.

Perhaps, speaking from physical appearance wise, my body was still around, but to me, losing the connection with my body was the same as having my body vanishing already.

Unable to hear, unable to see, unable to feel, unable to smell, unable to taste.

My body which had lost all five senses didn't continue to give off proof that my soul was still existing.

There wasn't any more 'according to my feelings' evidence that could prove that I was still living in this world, still living amongst human society.

Within the neverending darkness.

Unable to feel anything at all.

Am I really still living?

Am I still existing or not?

Under extreme unease, I started to suspect onto my life, suspect onto my memories, suspect onto myself, suspect onto the entirety of everything, just like being entrapped within the 'brain in a vat' paradox............

My heart was sinking.

Sinking into a spiral of perplexion and puzzlement.

If even my thoughts weren't able to be carried on............

Would I just vanish just like that?

I who had just realized about that point, suddenly developed an incomparably enormous fear.

I once thought that I could endure loneliness, still being able to live on even if it's only me alone, but, if even 'myself' was to be lost already...........I...........

Would I still be me?

..........

..........

..........

Within the neverending darkness, it's like as if time had even stopped already.

There's absolutely nothing that could be used as a standard of measurement............

Myself within silence............

Dead............

Vanishing............

Not once............existing.............

”Return it to you.”

That voice was seemingly like divine sounds of heaven.

It broke layers and layers of darkness, dragging me back into reality.

”Kah! Haa............haa............gu du............haaa!!!”

(TL: Kah! refers to loud panting out sfx, gu du is something like gulping in sfx)

I who had regained back my five senses was like having made contact with electricity, as my entire body shook about.

Afterwards, I immediately used my left hand to clutch onto my face, gaping my eyes widely while panting with huge breaths, voraciously gulping mouthfuls of saliva then continued to forcefully breathe in air, with my right hand forcibly pressing onto my heart to feel my heartbeat.

I'm still living, still existing, hadn't vanished yet.

Just this point alone made me wildly exhilarated.

Upon seeing me regaining back myself, Xiang Yue Xun didn't unfold out an aloof manner, wasn't angry as well, only carrying a lonely tone and spoke out a plea towards me.

”So, please don't deceive me anymore okay? The things that I hate most is 'deceiving' desu...........I'm willing to believe a human like you, so can you please also believe in me? Your name shouldn't have been given for naught, right?”

That's right! It's a plea! Not a command, and even more not a negotiation, but a plea!

Even though she had absolute power, being able to easily crush me to death, yet she still didn't force me, but instead displayed out a lowly state and made a plea towards me............