Chapter 152 (1/2)

He has a lot of things he needs to work out on his own, and so do I. I love him, but I have to love myself more.

“It was nice, I loved it. Dakota’s apartment is really awesome, and her roommate is really nice,” Landon starts off by saying. And all I can think is that it must be so nice to have an uncomplicated relationship. Memories of Noah and me watching endless hours of movies flash through my mind; nothing was ever complicated with him. But maybe that’s why it didn’t last. Maybe that’s why I love Hardin so much: because he challenges me and we have so much passion between us that it nearly crushes us both.

After he tells me some more details, I pick up on his excitement over New York City. “So are you moving there?” I ask.

“Yeah, I think I am. Not until the semester ends, but I really want to be near her. I miss her a lot,” he tells me.

“I know you do. I’m happy for you, I really am.”

“I’m sorry that you and Hardin . . .”

“Don’t be. It’s done. I’m done. I have to be. Maybe I should come to New York with you.” I smile, and his face lights up with the warm smile I adore so much.

“You could, you know.”

I always say this. I always say I’m done with Hardin, then I go back to him; it’s an endless cycle. So in this moment, I make a decision: “I’m going to talk to Christian Tuesday about Seattle.”

“Really?”

“I have to,” I tell him, and he nods in agreement.

“I’m going to get dressed, so you can take a shower. I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready.”

“I missed you so much.” I stand and hug him as tight as I can. Tears spill down my cheeks, and he hugs me tighter.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a mess now. I have been since he came into my life,” I cry and pull away.

He frowns but doesn’t say anything as he heads to the door. I gather my clothes in my arms and follow him into the hallway to head to the bathroom.

“Tessa?” he says as he reaches his bedroom door.

“Yeah?”

Landon looks at me with great sympathy in his eyes. “Just because he can’t love you the way you want him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with everything he has,” he says.

What does that even mean? I process his words as I close the bathroom door and start the shower. Hardin loves me, I know he does, but he continues to make mistake after mistake. I continue to make the mistake of putting up with it. Does he love me with everything he has? Is that enough? As I pull Zed’s T-shirt over my head, there’s a knock at the door.