Chapter 175 - What If... (Part 1) (1/2)

[Music Recommendation: ”Interweave” by Chewie Melodies (Genshin Impact OST) - available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

Later on, lunch time finished and we all went back for our next classes. No thanks to my stupid thoughts, I spent the rest of the afternoon debating with myself.

'Sena, you're thinking too much of it. There's no way that's the case. I mean yes, you used them as reference for your story's main leads but this is life—it's different.'

'But they look so good together—and such a perfect fit. If I'm an outsider, I would even mistake them for lovers if I saw them near each other or just standing beside each other. And anyone you'd ask will say the same thing for sure.'

'So what? What if they look good together? Not everyone who looks good together ends up with each other, you know.'

'Yeah, that's true but still… am I even worthy of someone like Kaiden? I'm just a normal girl compared to him. He and his family are way out of my league. Oh my goodness, why did I only notice this now? I'm really shameless aren't I? Maybe this is what those girls who bullied me felt? That I'm not worthy of him? It does make sense… I really am not—'

'No, no, no! Stop it! Don't think negatively like that. What matters is that Kaiden loves you, right? You and not anybody else.'

'But that's just because he hasn't met other girls like Sarah. I just got lucky meeting him first and being close. Once he cures his mysophobia, he will be more open to other people, too. Honestly, I don't know why he fell in love with me. And is it really love? What if it's just because I'm his first female friend and he's mistaking friendship with love? Or it's just infatuation?'

'Sena, stop it!'

'But… but… What if in the future, we end up breaking up? Because I'm not good enough? Or worse, end up hating each other?'

'No. You're thinking too far ahead. Just do your best in loving him and I'm sure he won't leave you.'

'No. I can't be too sure about that. Anything can happen. And besides… in my past life, I really didn't have any love life. And I didn't meet Kaiden. W-what if… I'm really not the one for him? What if… instead of me, it's actually Sarah? And now that I messed with how things are supposed to be, Sarah will lose her destined person? Or worse, I might be affecting something I shouldn't be affecting with my actions? Oh nooooo.'

Yes, that's true. What if I really was messing with destiny?

Little by little, my heart sank into the abyss of fear, guilt and sadness. Why didn't I think of it before? Were my actions really acceptable? What if all this time… I'm being too selfish? After all, this new life… I wasn't supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to attend college, my dad was supposed to leave us, I was supposed to be working, and all that. I had only seen the good side of things ever since I reincarnated and I'm really thankful for that but what if… I'm destroying something I shouldn't be?

As the class went by and our professor continued class, I suddenly felt chills run down my body. Fear crept within my heart. I unconsciously looked around, checking my whole surroundings for I didn't know what reason. Perhaps, it was my own body's way of asking if I should even be there?