Chapter 33：Feedback (2/2)
”Got it. Thank you. What else?” I made sure to write down everything he was saying.
”There are some scenes that would be better if you rearrange them, to heighten the foreshadowing. And some dialogues that can be omitted since they don't progress the plot. You're not writing a slice of life type of book but an adventurous fantasy. It's okay to put them for some comedy or chill moments after battles, but not too much. And there was one subplot that took too long to resolve itself. You shouldn't drag out subplots unless it's an important portion of the main plot. But if it's a standalone subplot, written to give a background story to one of the characters or events, then don't drag it on for too long.”
”I see… I'll be careful on that one.”
”Next, about characters. You have two characters that have almost the same personality and speech patterns that it's hard to identify which is which unless you mention their names. Be careful with that. When you create too many characters in one story, you're prone to make a couple of them have the same personality. Unless you intend it to be that way.”
”Right! I did have troubles coming up with personalities for each of them. Amazing... you could tell all that just from reading it once. And here I am, never noticing anything in the books I read.” Truly, amazing. I clapped my hands on my surprise. Kai was really brilliant in so many ways! Not just in playing games, he seemed to know lots of stuff.
”Hah,” he chuckled. ”I'm just more observant than most people.”
”And we're just the same age. I feel so dumb compared to you.”
”Hm? You're not.”
”Aww… geez, thanks!” My cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
”Moving on. Your last opportunity is vocabulary. You have a few unnecessary but repetitive words. You need to revise those. It's understandable though, since English is not your first language. But make sure to continue working on those so you can express yourself more in writing.”
”Yup, I'll keep on learning new words!”
He chuckled again. ”Ready for the good ones?”
”Yes!” Ahh… finally, some medicine for my wounds. But I'm not too hurt. It's a learning opportunity! With this, I could further improve myself. Fighting me!
”First of all, you've done exceptionally well, especially since it's your first time,” he told me slowly, as if saying it from the bottom of his heart.
Apliments. I never thought I did a lot of great things in my writing. So I asked, ”Huh? What are they?”