Not a Chapter: Seasons Greetings (1/2)

Hey, author here. Thought I’d have the voices in my head cast of Everybody Loves Large Chests join me in wishing everyone a happy new year, so I asked many of them to write a few words!

Hello, delicious morsel. Would you like your new year to be tasty and/or shiny? If so, feel free to jump into my mouth. It’s a magical portal to a happy place, I promise.

-Boxxy T. Morningwood

I like to think the new year replaces the old one by whipping it until it passes out. I know it’s not like that, I just like to think about it.

-Master’s Best Snack

You go out there and you punch that new year in the face! Teach the motherfucker who’s boss from the get go!

-Koralenteprix Khusuuszun Caonthioxxaa

Tktktktkt… I hope your next year has exactly as many stabbings in it as you want it to have.

-Drea

If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep a close eye on me in the coming year.

-Fizzy

Happy new year everyone! Lots of happiness and success!

-Plus

Great, another shitty year of playing backup dancer to a fucking box.

-Minus

A singular year is meaningless in the ceaseless march of time.

-Null

A few words.

-Jen

Good fortune to all, and to all a good year.

-Ambrosia

What do you mean a new year? Is the old one, like, broken or something?

-Lavender

Happy new year, and stay safe out there!

-Keira

I wish everyone out there much love and happiness in the coming year.

-Rowana

Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!

-Minic

Snek. Sneksnek, snkekek. Snek.

-Snek

[Your advertisement here.]

-Sandman Assassinations Inc.

Feeling lonely on this New Year’s Eve? Come to Bitterhold, and you’ll never be lonely again!

-The Slimetatorship of Stain

Here’s hoping this year’s office party will be a bit more lively.

-Carl

NAGNAMOR WILL CRUSH YOUR PUNY CELEBRATIONS INTO DUST! NOT EVEN ASHES WILL REMAIN OF YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS!

-OVERLORD NAGNAMOR OF THE FLAMING LEGION

Like, have a great year, everyone! Remember to vote for me in the next popularity contest!

-Ultra????Magical⭐Princess????Lulu????️

This next year shall fall within predicted parameters.

-Overlord Weaxohn the All-Knowing

What do you mean ‘a few words?’ I haven’t even gotten a single line so far! Like, at all! … Ugh, fine! I hope you pathetic losers die while fellating a flamingo or something for all I fucking care! Also, Naggy-Pants is such a giant pussy he gives my own a run for its money!

-Overlord Shridiaphrial the Queen Bitch