Legacy 3 (1/2)

“No, no, it’s not like that at all, Vicky,” Rowana stated confidently. “They’re just allies, comrades.”

“Oh, yeah?” her female coworker crossed her arms. “Then tell me, why is your girlfriend off on some shady trip with her rather than being here, by your side?”

“Because Keira’s a free spirit. I will admit it gets lonely when she’s off on her adventures, but I know she will never fail to come back to me.”

“Uh-huh. That’s just the sort of the thing that Vala used to say about her husband before he abandoned her for that young harlot. Mark my words, you better put a tight leash on that one or she’ll be gone before you know it.”

What had started as an innocent conversation during lunch break had rapidly degraded into Vicky trying to suggest that Keira was somehow having an affair with Fizzy. Though she tried to disguise her venomous words as concern, they were actually born of spite and envy. Vicky had secretly hated Rowana for quite a while now. The platinum-blonde elf’s lineage, wealth, looks, fashion sense, demeanor and skill as an Alchemist were all superior to her own. Not to mention she was both younger and in a stable romantic relationship. With a Hero, no less. The only thing Vicky seemed to have that Rowana didn’t was the ability to get married, but even that was about to change.

The bitter old maid simply couldn’t keep her ugly comments to herself any longer.

“My sweet Keira is not a scumbag like that guy, though. She’s the best, most wonderful and loving partner a girl could ever ask for. I can understand why others might fall for someone that kind, strong and beautiful, but I know deep in my heart that I’m the only one for her, and she’s the only one for me.”

“Ugh…”

However, the target of Vicky’s malicious envy was completely impervious to her bitter words. Merely mentioning her wife-to-be prompted Rowana to start gushing about her in a way that one would only find in steamy romance novels. It was almost like she was surrounded in a barrier of warm and fuzzy feelings that deflected any and all snide insinuations meant to foster doubt. The elf’s friends - her real friends - took this lovestruck attitude with an awkward smile and were genuinely glad that she’d found such happiness. Spiteful bitches like Vicky, on the other hand, found themselves wanting to violently vomit.

“Excuse me, are you Miss Rowana Slyth?”

The two women’s conversation was interrupted by a man in polished silver-colored armor. A member of the city guard, he had approached the pair’s outdoor table upon spotting the bright white hair that the Slyth family was known for. Granted, it was dyed and not at all natural, but it was still one of their trademarks.

“Yes?”she responded warily. “Can I help you with something?”

“I apologize for disturbing you, but I’m afraid we have a Code M on our hands. Your immediate assistance in this matter would be most appreciated.”

“Oh. Right, of course. Sorry, Vicky, could you take care of the bill? I’ll pay you back later.”

The other woman didn’t even get a chance to respond before Rowana walked off after the guard. The man led her through the streets at a brisk pace, the crowds parting in front of the authority figure to let him pass through. Which was good, because there seemed to be more and more people the closer they got to the edge of the city.

Having been built in the middle of an ancient hylt forest - assuming a group of just twelve trees could be called as such - gave Azurvale a natural defensive barrier of roots. Dozens of meters thick and just as tall, these walls of bark had protected the elven capital for millennia. The only feasible way through these living fortifications was to pass through one of several gaps and passages, which served as easily defendable choke points in the event of a siege. The rest of the time they were merely checkpoints that the authorities used to monitor land traffic in and out of the city. Which there wasn’t much of, considering Forest Gates provided a much safer, faster and cheaper mode of long-distance transport than simple roads.

It was one of these massive gatehouses that the guard was leading Rowana towards. Though the elf woman still wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, she was painfully familiar with what ‘Code M’ stood for. In essence, it meant that a certain someone was being exceptionally stubborn and causing a public disturbance in the process, which the city guards usually responded to by calling in the ‘cavalry.’

And sure enough, upon arriving at the city gates, Rowana instantly spotted the ‘Code M’ arguing with the gate guards amidst a crowd of onlookers.

“But it’s harmless!” Keira insisted. “I personally guarantee it won’t hurt anyone!”

“No, see, that’s not the issue here,” the exasperated official argued. “You need to have the right permits if you want to bring something that big into the city. It’s the law!”

“What am I supposed to do with it, then?!”

“Anything you want. So long as it’s not bringing it into the city or blocking traffic.”

One couldn’t help but feel impressed with the Scribe and how firmly he stood his ground despite having an irate Hero of Chaos breathing down his neck. Not surprising, considering the elf was already used to dealing with business tycoons, politicians and VIPs. He hadn’t budged a single millimeter in front of them and he wasn’t about to start doing it now. At the very least the redhead was upset because she didn’t seem to know about the regulations she was breaking rather than an over-inflated sense of self-worth, so he tried to be understanding.

Or at least as understanding as he could be without putting his continued employment in danger.

“Keira!”

“Oh, hey Rowie!”

Thankfully the Scribe’s ordeal was at an end, as the guards had successfully mobilized the Code M ‘deterrent’ and were now escorting her through the crowd.

“Stop harassing the poor man!” the elf shouted as she drew closer. “You’re causing a scene!”

“But I-!”

“No buts! How many times has it been this year alone that I had to be called out to talk some sense in you?!”

“… Five,” she sheepishly answered.

“Five! That’s five more than it should have been! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me? For us?!”

“… Sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

The catgirl turned back to the Scribe and bowed deeply.

“I apologize for the trouble I caused. I got a bit hot-headed and let my temper get the best of me.”

It was a far more truthful claim than the standard fare of deceitful drivel that normally fell out of Boxxy’s mouth. It stubbornly wanted to bring its latest acquisition into town, figuring things would work out somehow. However, it hadn’t considered that it might be violating an actual law in the process. And given the earlier exchange, not even the beloved Hero of Chaos was above the chains of bureaucracy.

“Apology accepted,” the Scribe said with a huff. “Now, could you please move your… whatever that is? It’s blocking the entrance.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Entrance?” Rowana asked dumbly.

She glanced towards the gigantic portcullis in the background, which was when she finally noticed what all the fuss was about.

“Is that a house with legs?”

“Yeah! It’s a house, uh, house mimic,” Keira responded with a smile. “Pretty neat, isn’t it?”

“Neat?! There’s no place we could possibly keep anything that huge! What in Nyrie’s stiff nipples were you thinking?!”

“W-well, you did mention you wanted a summer home…”

“Not one with legs!”

“But it’s so cool!”

“Excuse me, ladies?” the Scribe interjected. “I seriously need one of you to move that thing out of the way. It’s blocking traffic.”

“What traffic?” the redhead raised an eyebrow. “There’s nobody else in line but me.”

“There might be if there wasn’t an untamed house-sized monster in the way.”

“… Fine.”

Keira grabbed Rowana by the hand and rather insistently led her away from the scene and beyond the city’s limits, placing the still flabbergasted elf face-to-porch with the sentient building. Up close it looked to be a massive slab of dirt and rock with a wooden cottage growing out of its top. Its six crab-like legs appeared to be made out of loose stones held together by vine-like roots, each of the limbs as thick as a tree trunk. It didn’t have a nose, eyes, mouth, or anything even remotely resembling a face, though it clearly had a ‘front’ and a ‘rear.’

“Homer!” Keira shouted. “Can you let us on, please?!”

*HOOOOOOHN*

The creature let out a deep bellow, after which it lowered its upper body and willed a wooden staircase to extend down from it, providing easy access to its back.

“Homer? You already named it?” Rowana asked in disbelief.

“Not me. That’s just what it’s called, right Snek?”

“Snek,” the bracelet nodded.

Though this little exchange suggested otherwise, it was Boxxy’s Eyes of the Dead God that revealed what the mobile home’s name was. The shapeshifter hadn’t been able to see it at first because it had been inside its target, which made it impossible to notice the floating text that was directly above it.

“Come on Rowie, I’ll show you around.”

The elf naturally felt a bit apprehensive at this invitation, but she trusted Keira to not put her in any unnecessary danger. She climbed onto the walking platform and was given a brief tour of the place. She had to admit, the cottage had a cozy and welcoming feeling to it despite being filthy and devoid of furniture. Apparently Homer could shift the dimensions of the rooms and the layout of the house at will. It could also shut the place up tight as a security measure in case it sensed any thieves or intruders lurking around.

What surprised Rowana the most, however, was the way Homer walked while it moved away from the gatehouse. It looked really heavy and clumsy from the outside, yet was able to glide effortlessly across the ground. Its stride was so smooth, quiet and gentle that the elf would have no idea she was in motion if she hadn’t been looking out of a window. Granted, the house couldn’t move faster than a dwarf’s walking pace if it wanted to avoid disturbing its passengers, but even this much was enough to leave Rowana speechless.

“Okay, I will admit, Homer is pretty cool,” she said after a while. “I’m starting to see why you like it so much.”

“So can I keep it?” Keira asked expectantly..

“I don’t know… Are we even capable of feeding something this big?”

“Oh, we don’t need to worry about that. Homer here seems to be mostly plant, we just need to find some fertile soil for it to plant itself in and make sure it gets plenty of sunlight and fresh water.”

Boxxy wasn’t certain, but it surmised that hylt creeper flesh was used in this thing’s creation. It would certainly explain why it was so resistant to its Phytokinesis, not to mention how it was able to freely shapeshift its hylt timber. It could also imitate brick and stone to such a degree that even Boxxy’s MLG was unable to tell what lay under the floorboards was a living creature. In short, the thing’s biology and anatomy made about as little sense as any demon or shapeshifter.