Life, Luck, and Lemonade - Lemons (1/2)

There were many interesting stalls within Azurvale’s markets. Though it was not exactly a hub of trade and commerce, the exotic aesthetic of the tree-city attracted all sorts of visitors, both tourists and business-oriented individuals. Merchants and traders from all over the world often passed through here, and none would pass up the opportunity to peddle their goods and services. The elves of the capital had something of a reputation for having more money than common sense, which meant even peddlers of bizarre merchandise could find plenty of customers.

This was, however, not the case for one particular stall. Which seemed odd considering it appeared to be a wooden caravan that unfolded into a place of business. One did not see this sort of thing around the Republic often, nor were any of the highly varied items on offer of domestic make. Yet despite all this, the merchandise was functional, high-quality, and priced enticingly. There was the odd curio or interesting toy, but for the most part the place was like a mobile general store. Tools and clothes were aplenty, both basic and advanced crafting materials were on display, and various imported arms and armor were lined up. There were also a few pieces of artwork and some carved souvenir-like statuettes, but nothing worth causing a fuss over. No matter how one looked at it, this wagon-store was set up to earn a steady income rather than make a quick coin, meaning its owner was just a regular traveling merchant.

Or at least that’s what one might think until they actually saw the person in charge. He was a male raptor from the southern continent, with broad shoulders, dark green scales, almost no neck, and a head shaped loosely like that of a crocodile. However, though his kind was not normally considered handsome by ‘smoothskin’ standards, his face was especially bad. The right side of it was heavily scarred with bits of it outright missing, almost as if he got into an argument with a bladestorm and lost. Even the eye on that side was gone and had been replaced by an artificial one made of glowing white crystal, likely the handiwork of an Enchanter.

However, the reptilian yellow eye on his left was bright and attentive, and the tooth-filled snout was curved in a surprisingly friendly smile. In a way it seemed as if the horrible scarring was making the rest of him look far more approachable by comparison. His unique appearance also served to captivate people’s attention, allowing him to invite them over to peruse his wares with a lively wave and a cheerful voice.

Attracted by the bizarre appearance and approachable attitude of the salesman, the pedestrians couldn’t help but flock to his stall. Once there, their stares gradually turned away from his slightly gruesome visage and towards the excellent goods he had on offer. There was no doubt the man was an experienced merchant, as he made sure to leave his customers satisfied and happy about their purchase. He understood that repeat customers were where the real money was at, so he made sure to encourage people to visit him again, and soon. Which they did, partly because his imported goods were of a limited quantity, so there was no telling if that thing they had their eye on would still be here if they dawdled too long.

In short, this particular stall always seemed to have a small crowd in front of it, and this afternoon was no different. Yet as he went about his usual business, the scale-faced peddler couldn’t help but notice that there was a much bigger commotion going on elsewhere in the busy market. It was a mild storm of voices and footsteps that was easily audible over the general murmur of the crowd, but he unfortunately couldn’t see what the fuss was about. The raptor was uncharacteristically short for an adult of his species, to the point where people would assume he had a dwarven or gnomish father. He didn’t have a complex about his height or anything like that, but his lower point of view did make it hard to see over people’s heads at times like this. He didn’t necessarily need to leave his station to find out what was going on though, as the wall of people in front of him suddenly parted to make way to reveal the root cause of the disturbance.

Namely a construct of glimmering white mithril with smooth feminine curves and an extremely lifelike face.

“Excuse me, are you Corrai of Clan Daiei?” she asked matter of factly.

“Why yes, I am,” he responded with a bow of his head. “And you must be the famous Rustblood Juggernaut. Or at least, I hope you are. I imagine there are not a lot of individuals with a countenance as radiant as yours.”

“Damn right there aren’t,” she responded with a smug smile. “You should be thanking your lucky stars someone as glorious as myself came to see you personally.”

“Quite so, quite so. Your noble form has been forever burned into my memory, and I am grateful for the opportunity, but I fear I must inquire as to what I owe the pleasure of your visit. I dare say you don’t look to be a customer.”

“Nope. Just the opposite in fact. I’m here to talk about the request you made at the guild.”

“Ah… Oh my sweet Albert! Has that person sent you?!”

“If by ‘that person’ you mean Keira Morgana, then yes. She’ll be waiting for you at your hotel in two hours, so make sure you don’t keep us waiting.”

“How glorious!” he exclaimed. “I shall make sure to be there at any cost!”

“Yeah, you do that.”

The golem then left as abruptly as she showed up, leaving the raptor merchant to continue advertising his goods with renewed vigor.

“Haha! What a truly blessed day! One that simply must be marked with a celebration!” he shouted loudly and clearly. “Come one, come all, for Corrai’s prices are now a quarter off, no questions asked! Make sure you grab these amazing deals while you can, for either I or yourself may not be here to enjoy them tomorrow!”

His eyes snapped to a curious-looking elf maiden, whose attention had been grabbed by the raptor’s energetic voice and exotic appearance.

“You there, my fair lady! You strike me as a woman of refined taste and an eye for quality! I have with me a set of beautiful dresses from the Pearly Dunes that would make you look even more stunning than you already are! Never too early to start planning for the big Aurora Eve party, you know!”

Fizzy kept hearing Corrai’s voice as she made her way back to where Keira was. She couldn’t help but be impressed at how seamlessly and shamelessly he turned her disturbance into a chance to start a big sale. Then again, he wouldn’t be much of a follower of Sean if he didn’t take advantage of such opportunities. In fact, one could say he was almost too good at it.

Judging from the background check Boxxy and Fizzy had done on him over the past few days, Corrai seemed to already be rather well known within the mercantile community. The raptor was pulling double duty as both adventurer and peddler, as evidenced by his well developed Monk and Merchant Jobs. The former gave him access to the Disciple of Chaos Skill, which worked as a sort of homing device for trouble. It was a unique type of clairvoyance that warned one of possible impending dangers, though on a much larger scale than the blow-by-blow prediction of Fizzy’s Paladin equivalent. It was often said that followers of David always seemed to be around during times of great disaster and upheaval, but that man had turned it into an occupation.

A massive earthquake that demolished half the city? Corrai would be there selling construction materials. A region ravaged by an unnatural drought? Corrai could be seen offering barrels of fresh drinking water and prayer books to Zephyra, the Goddess of Rain. Reports of Blight spreading in the woods? Corrai would likely already be waiting there with disease-repelling equipment in one hand and holy water in the other. He was even reported to have been on hand to provide blankets, medicine and other supplies at the city of Dragunov following the freak snow storm caused by their weather control device.

These rumors made him out to be a profiteering scumbag who sought to reap immense profits off of people’s suffering, a mentality that Boxxy greatly respected. However, though he did indeed make a tidy sum from those ventures, he reportedly did not bleed the desperate people dry and kept his prices relatively fair. It was also undeniable that his preparedness to take advantage of those disastrous situations, while suspicious, had also been a great source of help and relief to the people he made into smiling customers.

It would therefore appear that Corrai was the sort of merchant who made precisely as much money as he could get away with without making himself look like a heartless scumbag. Which, considering the goodwill he fostered, probably earned him a lot of repeat business, thus potentially making him far more money in the long run than if he were to mercilessly exploit those in need. He was also reportedly quite the fighter, with a rather unique combat style that used everything around him as a weapon. Dirt, twigs, forks, shovels, tables - he even reportedly once killed a bandit by smashing him across the face with a whole salmon.

This was evidently made possible thanks to a Skill called Sink Warfare, which was exclusive to Monks that were Disciples of Chaos. The ability in question allowed them to infuse everyday objects with Ki, temporarily giving them an offensive, defensive and durability rating of at least grade B. The shapeshifter would have plenty of opportunity to confirm all of this information, as it had decided to answer Corrai’s request for assistance with his relic-hunting Quest. However, the lizard-man’s reaction upon seeing Boxxy’s perky crimson-haired Facade did not exactly fill the creature with a lot of confidence.

Upon meeting Keira in the Black Rose Hotel’s lobby, Corrai immediately prostrated himself before the catgirl before they could even exchange greetings. He didn’t even seem to mind getting his expensive-looking clothes dirty as he lay perfectly still with his hands, knees and forehead pressed against the ground. Well, almost perfectly still. The muscular green-scaled tail jutting out from his backside seemed beyond his control, as its tip frantically and repeatedly tapped against the carpeted floor, betraying his excitement.

“Ugh… Great, another fanatic,” Keira grumbled. “Why is it that Shannon always gets the crazy ones?”

This was hardly the first time the Hero of Chaos had seen this sort of reaction. She had gotten about twenty of these devout followers of the Goddess of Instability do more or less the exact same thing in the last six months alone. The worst part was that this guy seemed to completely disregard Fizzy, though she seemed to be taking that surprisingly well.

“I think it’s the other way around,” the golem chimed in. “If you ask me, it’s Virgil’s influence that makes people go nuttier than a gnomish shortcake.”

“Riiiight. In any event, please cut that out, Corrai. It’s not productive, warranted, nor appreciated.”

“Ack! My apologies, my lady,” the raptor exclaimed. “I did not mean to offend.”

“Then get off the blasted floor so we can talk like people!”

It took a bit more urging and convincing but the scaly merchant finally agreed to treat Keira more casually. The three of them then relocated to Corrai’s suite, so that they may discuss the matter at hand in private. The place was quite fancy as far as hotels went. Even had its own bathroom, bedroom and living room as separate sections, though it would appear the current resident was using the extra space mostly to store his excess stock.

“Please excuse the mess, my lady,” he said remorsefully while glancing at the piles of crates, trunks and bags. “I was not expecting a response from you so soon.”

“So soon? Didn’t you submit it like two months ago?”

“I did not expect you to reply at all, so two months is nothing compared to the eternity that lies ahead of us.”

“Ohhhhh-kay? So what’s this Quest of yours about?”

“It is exactly as I stated, my lady. Sandra himself had given me a most holy task to perform, as a test of my faith, will and resolve. Though I suspect it may have been because I was relying on His wisdom too much.”

“You tried asking that guy for advice?” Fizzy asked with a dubious expression. “You do realize he’s shadier than the bottom of a well at midnight, right?”

The raptor did not take kindly to that remark, if the way his glare sharpened was any indication. Even his artificial right eye seemed to glow with a harsher intensity.

“Pardon me, my lady, but why is this one here?”

“Fizzy is a Paladin, and a Champion of Chaos,” Keira said sternly. “She is one of my closest friends and most trusted comrades, and I expect you to treat her with the respect she deserves.”

“… My apologies, fellow follower of chaos,” Corrai said with a bow. “Please forgive me, but one does not run into others of our faith so easily, and your words were a bit… heretical.”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” the golem brushed him off. “What’s this about you relying on Alison?”

“Ah, yes. I used to be quite the lost individual as a youngster. But then a baby hydra bit me and gave me some rather interesting visions. At first I thought it was its hallucinogenic venom, but soon after I came back to my senses I realized I had become a Disciple of Chaos.”

Well, something like that was to be expected. All of the ‘pilgrims’ that had shown up before Keira had a similar story. Even Fizzy, to a certain degree, had Guadalupe’s faith forced upon her by circumstances outside her control. And she, like all the others, eventually grew to appreciate their newfound divine connection.

“I used to seek my new patron deity’s advice regarding every aspect of my life,” the raptor continued, “from what I would have for breakfast to whether I should put on underwear that day. The Quest I was given forbade me from praying for guidance, and though I was upset at first, I now know the reason behind it. It was to help me realize I had grown too dependant on a higher power. As an old friend used to say, it is us mortals that control our fate, not the deities that watch over us. I just wish I recognized the truth of those words sooner.”

Keira and Fizzy exchanged a few knowing looks. Having personally met the god in question on more than one occasion, both of them couldn’t help but feel that Corrai was severely misunderstanding Cedric’s intentions. It was far more likely that the Goddess of Chaos simply had enough of his crap and wanted him to leave her alone, but they did not voice that thought. Discussing religious beliefs was not why they had gathered here in the first place.

“As for the task itself, I dare say I made some surprisingly solid progress,” the raptor claimed with a smile. “I had been given absolutely no information to go on, other than the names of six items and the hint that they will display an awesome power once brought together. It cost me an obscene amount of money, nearly a decade of my life, and the right side of my face, but I have managed to track down three of them.”

The raptor then reached into the Bag of Holding dangling off his waist and set out three items on the table that Keira was seated at. The first was a pure white porcelain plate that seemed to have been polished and cleaned with frightening regularity. The second was a tall drinking glass that was so extremely transparent that it was practically invisible. One wouldn’t be able to tell it was even there if not for the circular indentation on the beige tablecloth or the faint fingerprints on its surface. The third object was far less fancy, however, as it appeared to be an orange ceramic brick.

“These are the Plate of Blue, the Glass of Purity, and the Knife of Regret,” he explained, pointing to each item in turn.

“Uhm… I think I get the Glass of Purity, but how come the dinner plate isn’t blue?” Keira said in a confused tone. “Also that’s a brick, not a knife.”

“I know, it sounds crazy, but allow me to demonstrate.”

Corrai rummaged through his stuff for a bit before producing a piece of salted jerky. He placed the strip of meat onto the plate, only to have it instantly turn a deep ocean-like blue. He then picked it back up and bit half of it off, demonstrating the unnatural coloration was permanent and did not affect its edibility or its flavor. The same couldn’t be said about the ‘Knife’ of Regret, however, as placing the leftover preserved meat onto it caused it to transform into an unappetizing and foul smelling moldy pile of rot within seconds.

“So… this one’s called the Plate of Blue because it turns things blue… and that’s the Knife of Regret because you’ll regret using it as a knife?”

“Exactly so, my lady!” Corrai stated, his eyes gleaming with respect and adoration. “To grasp these relics’ quirks so easily, truly you are the Chosen of the God of Happenstance!”

“What about the Glass of Purity?” the catgirl asked. “I doubt its named that just because it barely looks like it’s there.”

“Ah yes, of course. Forgive me, but I will have to make a bit of a mess.”

The impromptu show and tell session continued with Corrai digging out a wine bottle from his stock. He picked up the borderline ethereal container and tried pouring the alcohol into it. When the liquid hit the bottom of the glass, however, it suddenly became crystal clear water while some dirt-like residue fell out of its bottom.

“As you can see, it aggressively and thoroughly purifies any fluid that passes through it, leaving only the water behind. I’ve tried it with various alcohols, poisons, sauces, soups, even various types of blood, but the outcome is always the same.”

“Have you tried molten metals?” Fizzy inquired suddenly.

“Uh, no. The thought did cross my mind, but I fear I might damage the relic if I do that.”

“But if it’s really a divine relic then it should be practically indestructible, no?” Keira asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t know, my lady. All I know is that these items can crack and break if treated roughly. They do recover over time, but it takes a long time. The Plate of Blue, for instance, took about three months to mend itself after I accidentally chipped it while digging it out of some ruins.”

It was a bit shameful to admit to such a thing, but Corrai was a Monk and a Merchant, neither of which were very good at archeology.

“Hmm… Fizzy, does any of this mean anything to you?”

“Sorry,” the golem shook her head. “I’ve been rooting through the divine lore I got from Holy Scripture Skill, but I can’t find a single reference to any… divine cutlery.”

“I see. Corrai, you mentioned there were three more of these, uh, relics, yes?”

“Ah, yes, of course. The missing pieces are the False Kettle, the Spoon of Speculation, and the Fork of Truth.”

“That settles it then, doesn’t it,” the catgirl said with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, settles what, my lady?”

“Your story. I’m starting to believe it. You see, I already have one of those in my possession.”

Keira moved a hand over to the diamond and mithril studded belt on her waist, the Artifact-grade item known as Aetherial Repository #3. She touched one of the faintly glowing white gems, causing a flash of light as she retrieved a small object from the belt’s Storage-like space. She placed it on the table in front of the stunned raptor, revealing it to be an mithril soup spoon with a flower-like pattern carved into the handle.

“C-c-could it be?! The Spoon of-?!”

“Nope,” the catgirl cut him off. “It’s the Fork of Truth.”

“It… what? Are you certain of that, my lady?”

“There is no doubt in my mind. The item’s identity was revealed to me in a vision once I obtained it, almost as if recalling a long lost memory.”

That was, of course, entirely facetious, though it wasn’t like Keira could admit to the real reason she was so sure of this thing was because she was a dungeon owner. The crystal core seemed to hold an intimate knowledge of items and monsters, so its appraisals were far more accurate and reliable than a mortal Scribe’s. It was therefore a bit concerning that it did not identify the Fork of Truth as a Divine-rank item, but as a Superior one. Then again, if what Corrais said was true - and Boxxy had little reason to doubt him at this point - these items would only reveal their true power once brought together.

“Ahyahyahya! Today really is a blessed day!”

The raptor let out an excited voice while clapping his hands, indicating he bought Keira’s cryptic nonsense of an excuse.

“Tell me, my lady, how in the world did you even find it?!”

“Came across it on my travels completely by chance. Kept it because it looked fancy.”

A surprisingly honest answer, and also the best one Boxxy could muster. It genuinely had forgotten where exactly it got this curious object, but there was no way it could forget it was in its possession. The whole reason it brought it here today was because it had a hunch it might be connected to Terence. That guy seemed to have a stake in every oddity, weirdo and bizarre event out there, so it was hardly a long shot. Especially considering this thing’s inexplicable function.

“Be wary of touching it though,” Keira warned Corrai. “Holding that thing for more than a few seconds makes you super angry for no reason.”

“… May I try? I wish to experience it for myself.”

“Okay, but I’m not gonna be held accountable for any damages.”

The raptor nodded to show he understood and seized the mithril ‘fork.’ He held it for a solid three seconds without feeling anything other than the cool metal between his fingers. His vision was then taken over by a red haze, and the next he came to he found himself laying down on the ground. A Skirmisher Mode Fizzy was holding him down with a shiny foot to his chest and an arm cannon aimed at his head. He looked around, noting that the table where all the relics were placed had been smashed into splinters. The sharp pain in his right arm hit him in the next instant, informing him it was fractured and forcing a grunt of pain out of his throat.

“Back to your senses yet, meatbag?” the golem asked with an ice cold expression.

“Y-yes. Grhn. I apologize, I did not expect it to be so… overpowering. I do not even remember what transpired.”

“Told you so,” Keira called out from the side. “Don’t worry though, you’re the only one that got hurt.”

Corrai shifted his eyesight to confirm that this did indeed seem to be the case. The catgirl had not even a scratch on her, and the relics she was cradling in her arms seemed to be equally unscathed. Except for the Fork of Truth, which had presumably been returned to her mystic belt-shaped container where it could do no harm.

“I see. Thank you for your timely intervention, Champion Fizzy.”

“Don’t sweat it. Even I go berserk if I try to hold that stupid spoon. Come on, up you go.”

The smaller golem then effortlessly lifted Corrai back to his feet. Noticing the odd angle his arm was bent at, she decided she might as well take care of it immediately.

“Holy Light!”

Divine power has healed your wounds. HP +1,305.

The glowing warmth enveloped the raptor, making him sigh in relief as his injured limb snapped back into place. He was also impressed with the incredible potency of the golem’s healing magic. A Paladin pulling off four-digit heals like that would be impossible unless they had a rather absurd FTH Attribute, which was only obtainable by the most devout of the gods’ servants. He was about to praise the strength of Fizzy’s faith, but the words got stuck in his throat when he noticed the glowing blue runes that had appeared on her bulkier left shoulder.

“… Much obliged for the medical attention,” he eventually squeezed out, “but is that what I think it is?”

“You’re damn right it is,” the pint-sized Paladin declared proudly. “You’re not looking at any old mithril golem, but the world’s first and only Inscribed Mithril Dynamo Golem!”

“Hah-ha!” Corrai chuckled. “I see! I would expect nothing less from the companion of a Hero of Chaos!”

The ‘world’s first and only’ part was mostly her ego talking, but Fizzy had every right to act high and mighty. Inscribed golems were notoriously troublesome opponents, as they combined the exceptional durability of stone and metal golems with a magical aptitude similar to that of crystal golems. The variant was quite rare, but at the same time it was impossible to spot until combat had started, as the tell-tale runes that covered their bodies would only appear once they started flinging magic around. The exact function of said runes was an unknown, and one of the longest-standing mysteries in the field of monster biology.

That all changed when Fizzy reached Level 25 of her War Golem Job and underwent a Rank Up, at which point she happily sold the relevant information for fame and money.

Runic Feedback

Description: A golem’s mana-imbued hide can make for an exceptionally potent canvas.

Requirements: Be an Inscribed Golem variant

Type: Active

Activation Time: Instant

Cost: 50 MP