Chapter 4 {END} (1/2)

I’d thought that I would never go to an amusement park alone for a second time, but here I was.

The eyes of the people looking at me didn’t bother me.

I headed straight for the queue outside a thrill ride.

It was a weekday, and the amusement park wasn’t crowded.

I told the employees that I would pay the price for two people and asked them to leave the seat next to mine empty. They argued with me a little, but I explained my circumstances to them politely and honestly, and they allowed it.

The rollercoaster slowly reached the top. I felt the same unpleasant situation that I hadn’t become accustomed to. It didn’t seem like I would ever come to like rollercoasters in my life.

In the next moment, the rollercoaster began plummeting downwards.

I let out a wordless scream.

“Dear Okada Takuya-sama.

“I wonder how you will feel when you listen to this voice recording. I can’t even begin to imagine. I actually wanted to write a letter or make a video recording, but I don’t have the strength, so it was impossible. I made a voice recording because it seemed like I could still manage to record my voice while lying down.

“I actually wanted to go somewhere with you, just the two of us. But I thought that it would hurt you if I said that out loud. No, I would have been hurt more than anyone, so I was too scared to say it.

Takuya-kun, I wanted to go to an amusement park with you.”

＊＊＊

Back then, I was working hard on a small item.

On that night at the hospital, I’d received the notebook that had all of the things that Mamizu had wanted to do before she died written in it. She’d told me that she was giving it to me because it would be embarrassing if her parents saw it one day. When I went home and looked at it carefully, I’d seen that there were still some things written in it that I hadn’t done. There was one that had particularly caught my eye.

I want to make a new snow globe.

One like this

↓↓↓

The notebook contained a doodle depicting a certain scene of life. It was difficult to call it artistic, but I was well aware of what that picture was.

I bought clay and tried to reproduce Mamizu’s picture with it, but I’d always been clumsy to begin with, so it didn’t go well at all. I continued using trial and error, driven by my desire to make it happen.

That’s when it happened.

Late at night, I received a call from Makoto-san’s cellphone.

Several days ago, Makoto-san had stopped fearing the debt collectors and was now spending a lot of time in Mamizu’s hospital room. It was partially because Mamizu’s death was near. And the large reason that he’d feared the debt collectors turning to Mamizu’s mother was because of Mamizu’s treatment fees. And so, Makoto-san had started frequently visiting Mamizu’s hospital room, and while I felt relieved, I also had somewhat conflicting emotions. Because this was also indicative of how close Mamizu’s death was.

“Mamizu says that she wants to see you one last time,” Makoto-san said.

I hurriedly got into a taxi and went to the hospital.

But I was too late.

By the time I arrived at the hospital, Mamizu had died. So, they really do put white cloths over people when they die, I thought like an idiot.

“She was conscious until just a moment ago,” Makoto-san said in a pained voice.

“I talked with her plenty while she was alive,” I just barely managed to say.

I asked Makoto-san and Ritsu-san to show me Mamizu’s face.

She was smiling.

I thought it was unbelievable. Perhaps my eyes were looking at an optical illusion.

But I could have described her as looking peaceful.

“Mamizu told me to give this to you, Takuya-kun.” Makoto-san handed me a voice recorder with a somewhat complicated expression. “From about ten days ago, maybe? It looked like she was recording, little by little. She said she wanted you to listen to it.”

I hadn’t known about this. I didn’t think that she’d ever used this voice recorder in front of me.

I said goodbye to Makoto-san and Ritsu-san, and then left the hospital room.

It was past three o’clock in the morning. Even on the road in front of the hospital, there were almost no cars going by.

My house was a little far from here; it normally took me an hour and a half or so to get there from the hospital. But I wanted to walk home, so I did that. It would probably become morning and the sun would start shining on the road as I walked.

There were almost no cars on the main road. The idea suddenly occurred to me, so I ran out, right into the center of the road.

On the four-lane highway that would normally have an enormous number of cars going back and forth, there was only me.

Just like that, I continued walking down the center of the main road with wide footsteps.

I held the voice recorder, plugged in the earphones that Mamizu had once given to me as a present, and tried listening to her voice.

Strangely, no tears came out. In a vacant state of mind, I thought that it might be too early for me to cry.

“Now then, I actually have several ‘things that I want to do before I die’ left. Leaving this voice recording was one of them. Do you find it bothersome? Even if you do, please listen carefully. I think I shall announce them now. Tadaaah! This is the first request. When I die, please cremate my body at night.”

After listening this far, I hastily called Makoto-san and explained the situation. Why would you tell that to me instead of your family? I thought. Maybe Mamizu had wanted me to panic like this, or maybe she’d been a little embarrassed to explain Shizusawa Sou’s ‘One Ray of Light’ to her family.

A lot of people came to Mamizu’s funeral. I was in a somewhat clear mood. Classmates I normally never even saw were there, crying loudly.

I didn’t cry yet.

“Okada, were you close to Watarase-san?” one of my classmates asked me curiously, having seen me talking intimately with Makoto-san and Ritsu-san.

“She was my girlfriend.”

“What?!” My classmates exclaimed in surprise.

“You’re being too loud,” I said.

“Please make sure to attend my funeral. I kind of have the feeling that you’d skip that kind of thing, Takuya-kun.

“And please tell everyone that I was your girlfriend. I wonder if I’m your girlfriend? We never really confirmed it with words, so I don’t have much confidence to say that I am.

“If you didn’t think that way, then please make me your girlfriend now. Because I want you to show off to everyone that even this poor girl who died a premature death had such a wonderful boyfriend. And I want you to show off that you had a pretty girlfriend like me, Takuya-kun.”

Of course, the crematorium wasn’t normally open at night. But apparently, they received this kind of request from time to time. Luminescence disease patients sometimes wrote in their wills that they wanted their remains to be cremated at night. And so, they’d made an exception.

Normally, only close relatives were supposed to attend the cremation, but I invited Kayama and the two of us went. Of course, Makoto-san allowed Kayama to come.

We left at some point during the preparations, and instead of staying to collect Mamizu’s ashes, we climbed a hill that would have a clear view of the pillar of smoke from the cremation.

It was generally quiet nearby. But from time to time, we heard cars going by on a really distant road somewhere.

And then Mamizu’s cremation began.

There was a full moon in the sky.

Mamizu’s body burned, becoming a pillar of smoke that danced its way up into the air. There was a faint light surrounding that pale white smoke.

Illuminated by the moon, the smoke became a ray of light that climbed into the heavens.

With the cloudless night sky in the background, the smoke from Mamizu’s body shone with a pale light.

The days that I’d spent with Mamizu until now momentarily flashed into my mind and disappeared again at an incredible speed.

That was Mamizu’s dead body.

It was impossible to believe that this scene was happening in reality.

Perhaps this was an imprudent impression, but… that light was far more beautiful than any shining aurora or sparkling rainbow. It was so beautiful that it sent shivers down my spine.

Watching that light dissolve into the night sky, I made a decision.

I decided that I would never forget this scene for the rest of my life.

I want to show Mamizu this sight, I thought nonsensically a few moments later.

“It’s more beautiful than I thought it would be,” Kayama said, giving his simple impression.

“It’s more beautiful than ‘one ray of light,’” I said.

The two of us smoked together. We stayed there, mostly in silence, until that light was gone. We didn’t want to speak. In life, one encounters situations when it’s best not to talk. This was one of those situations.

After that, we decided to go home.

Kayama had come on his bicycle, so we decided to home on it together.

“Please make a lot of friends. In the end, I didn’t have anyone I could call a close friend. I wanted friends. Please make a lot of friends in my place, Takuya-kun.”

My house was pretty far from Kayama’s. Despite that, Kayama took me quite close to my house. I thanked him and got off the bicycle.

“Later,” Kayama said briefly, and then he did a U-turn and rode into the distance. That was the kind of guy he was.

As I was thinking that, Kayama suddenly turned around. It was probably the first time that Kayama had turned around as we parted ways. I instinctively prepared myself for something. But Kayama didn’t say anything else. I thought that maybe he was trying to say something but was unable to say it.

“Hey, Kayama!” I shouted, having become impatient.

What was there to say after making the effort of being dozens of meters apart? What was it that couldn’t be said at a normal distance? I thought about this, and then I said, “We’re friends, right?”

Kayama looked at me expressionlessly. His eyes looked like they were glaring at me. “Of course we are,” he said. “Don’t ask embarrassing stuff like that!” he added after a short silence.

Kayama laughed and started pedaling his bicycle again. He was standing up on the bike as he pedaled.

He didn’t turn around again.

“Come to think of it, is Kamenosuke doing well? Make sure to feed him properly. Let him live a long life. Please give him your love and spoil him.”

I’d recently come to realize that Kamenosuke was quite the delinquent.

He frequently ran away.

He’d somehow crawl out of his water tank without me knowing it and walk around all kinds of places inside the house. Every time it happened, my mother and I made a huge fuss about finding him. He was particularly fond of the bathroom.

“I wonder if he wants to go back to the ocean,” my mother said, as if the idea had just suddenly occurred to her.

“There was a person who said something similar,” I said.

“Should I get the car?” my mother suggested, voicing another one of her ideas.

In the end, I agreed to her suggestion, and the two of us plus one turtle went out to the garage.

“It’s been a while since the two of us went out, hasn’t it? Maybe we haven’t done this since Meiko died,” my mother said.

“Well, it’s unusual to go out with your mother when you’re at my age.”

It was still winter, so it was cold, though. But the sky was clear. We arrived at the same beach that I’d once come to. There weren’t that many beaches nearby, so it couldn’t be helped.

My mother had brought a beach mat. She put in on top of the sand, and we sat on it. And then we took Kamenosuke out of his tank and let him out onto the sandy beach. He started walking away with calm footsteps. He looked kind of energetic.

“Takuya, you attended a classmate’s funeral a little while back, didn’t you?” my mother asked.

“Yeah.”

I still hadn’t told my mother about Mamizu in detail. It was partially because I was embarrassed, but it was also because it would be difficult to put all of the events in order and tell her properly.

“Was it someone you knew?”

“… Yeah.”

“I see.”

My mother didn’t ask anything else. That was a little unexpected.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hmm?”

“You know, I really loved Meiko,” I said.

My mother looked at me, smiling. “I know,” she said quietly.

“I’m not a cold person.” I felt like my voice would start shaking. I desperately tried to stop that from happening.

But it was impossible.

It was strange.

Tears came out and wouldn’t stop.

I didn’t know why I had been unable to cry at the appropriate time, and then ended up crying at a completely unrelated moment instead.

“I know, Takuya,” my mother said, stroking my head.

I stayed there, letting her comfort me.

After that, my mother suddenly stood up and put her hands near her mouth. She put her hands into the shape of a megaphone and let out a shout without warning.

I couldn’t help but be surprised. It wasn’t just me; Kamenosuke, who had been walking towards the sea, turned around in surprise.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s nothing.”

Only the sound of the waves could be heard. I could only smell the scent of the wet sand.

“Shall we go home?” my mother said first.

I looked at Kamenosuke, who was continuing his small footsteps, becoming wet from the sea water. “Should we leave Kamenosuke here?” I suggested.

“Takuya. Don’t say such silly things.”

“I was kidding.”