Chapter 3 .3 (1/2)

When I went to Mamizu’s hospital room a few days later, she was working on the knitted item from before.

“I’ve brought one more person with me today,” I said.

Mamizu’s hands stopped knitting and she made a puzzled expression. “Who is it?”

Kayama entered the room from behind me. Even from here, I could see that he was nervous.

“Do you remember me?” he asked.

“Umm… Ah, I remember! If I recall, you’re the person I met at the entrance exam, right?” Mamizu said, sounding surprised.

“I’m happy that you remembered me. My name is Kayama Akira.”

“Well then, I can call you Akira-kun.”

Kayama turned to face me. “Hey, Okada. Would you mind leaving us alone for a little bit?” he said hesitantly.

“Yeah… Alright.”

I quietly left Mamizu’s room. I sat on a bench in the corridor and looked up at the ceiling, bored. During the day, nurses walked back and forth busily up and down the corridors.

Kayama is probably confessing to Mamizu now, I thought.

Of course, I didn’t have the right to stop him.

Even so, there was a kind of gloomy feeling lingering in my mind.

What was this? Jealousy? I felt like smiling bitterly at this pathetic emotion inside me.

And then I thought about the meaning behind Mamizu’s “I’m sorry.” I’ve already been rejected. Even though I’ve been rejected, I still love Mamizu, so it can’t be helped, I thought.

I looked at the clock and saw that only five minutes had passed.

I felt like time spent waiting was long. Time didn’t flow evenly; different periods of five minutes could feel long or short. I felt like the time I spent with Mamizu was short. Time that was precious was short, while time that I didn’t care about was long. Why isn’t it the opposite? I wondered.

I closed my eyes and faced the ceiling. For some reason, my heart was beating fast. What good does it do me to be nervous? I thought.

I heard the sound of the hospital room’s door being thrown open violently. I turned around to see Kayama.

“Hey, Kayama…” I began. The moment I followed up with the usual “you’re an idiot,” I regretted it.

Kayama wasn’t in a state for me to call out to him.

He stared back at me, his face ashen, hollow and expressionless. The word ‘dumbfounded’ came to mind. It was like I was looking at someone else who wasn’t Kayama. I had the feeling that I’d never seen such a powerless expression on his face before.

He stayed silent.

Confused, I just looked back at him.

“It’s so frustrating,” Kayama said finally, as if he had barely squeezed the words out. He stayed expressionless, but his words were emotional.

With that, Kayama walked away down the corridor, as if trying to get away from the hospital room.

I didn’t know what to do.

I wondered whether I should chase after Kayama, but then decided that I should leave him alone.

And then I entered Mamizu’s room.

Mamizu covered her face awkwardly and sighed. Silence passed by.

“It’s gotten hotter lately, hasn’t it,” I said vaguely as I approached her.

“Akira-kun said that he likes me,” Mamizu said, sounding astonished.

“I see,” I said.

Had Mamizu just replied, “I’m sorry,” like she had done with me?

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Sorry.”

As I expected, I thought.

But Mamizu continued. “I told him that there’s someone else I like.” She looked at me with a somewhat powerless, pathetic expression.

“O-oh. I see.”

It was kind of a shock. It was a sudden shock. It was the first time I’d heard this.

Who on earth was it?

When and where?

I was confused.

But I didn’t ask.

“Hey, I went to visit Shizusawa Sou’s grave the other day,” I said, changing the subject. I opened the photos I took the other day on my phone and showed Mamizu the screen.

“Wow, it really says ‘無 .’” Mamizu returned to her usual self and stared at the screen of my phone with great interest. “Maybe I should have ‘無’ written on my grave, too.”

“I’d kind of want something else.”

“Like what?”

“Neurosis, maybe?”

“That’s terrible,” Mamizu said, giggling.

I laughed with her.

“What’s next?” I asked.

“What?”

“You know, the things you want to do.”

“Let’s see… Well then, I want to try smoking. You’d normally smoke at times like this, right?”