59 Ism Sorry (1/2)

”You're insane! Let go of me!” Ye Jiayao shouted, glaring at him.

”Yaoyao, you're looking good - even if you are dressed up as a man,” Xia Chunyu teased, doing his best to pretend that he was relaxed.

That smug, teasing face of his just served to rile Ye Jiayao up even more. She cooed bitingly, ”Heir-Son Lord, why are you doing this? We're nothing to each other. I am just a plaything that you abandoned. You've already thrown me away, so why are you pestering me again? I already did you a favor by not looking for you, what more do you want?”

”Who says I want to abandon you?” Xia Chunyu countered.

Ye Jiayao sneered, ”Isn't that so?”

”Of course not,” Xia Chunyu replied defensively. ”I have never intended to abandon you. It was just chaotic that night and I lost track of things. I searched for you after Auntie Jiang said that you were held hostage by Second-In-Charge, but someone said he saw you fell off the cliff, I thought…”

”You thought I died? Well then, just carry on thinking as if I'm dead and we can all go on our merry way.”

Xia Chunyu was silent for a while. There was a rarely seen gentleness and heartache in his eyes when he said, ”I brought Da Bao and Er Bao back with me. They have grown big and fat, and are very mischievous.”

Ye Jiayao turned to look at the river to avoid his eyes. She missed Da Bao and Er Bao a lot. Before she escaped, she combed the entire house trying to look for them. When they didn't turn up, she thought they have escaped back to the mountains.

This donkey actually brought them back.

What was this supposed to mean? He rejected her, but he took care of her pets. What exactly does he want?

”You want the truth? Fine. I admit I was Yaoyao once, but that Yaoyao has already died when she fell off the cliff after you abandoned her. The person standing before you now is Li Yao, an orphan with no home to go back to. That's okay, though, I don't have to depend on anyone to survive. I will rise up and live a colorful, happy life. So, if you are looking for me because of guilt, there's no need. I'm more than alright. You don't have to 'make up' for anything, there is nothing between us anymore,” Ye Jiayao said coldly.

Xia Chunyu did not know what to say. There was a huge lump stuck in his throat and he felt helpless.

There was once a time that she depended on him, but he let her down. He didn't know how she managed to escape death. The Haze lake is ten lis wide, swimming across that, especially for someone her size, would've been nearly impossible. He has no idea how she managed to come to Jin Ling from Ji Nan. A weak woman like her, with Little Jing who knows nothing tagging along with her... she must have suffered much.

”Yaoyao, please don't be like that,” he said, his voice breaking. ”I won't make excuses for whatever happened in Black Wind Ridge. I know I have let you down. I wanted to help you settle down appropriately after the matter was over…”

Ye Jiayao pierced him with a sharp glare. ”Help me settle down appropriately? How exactly did you plan to do that? Were you going to bring me back to the Jing An Marquis Mansion and make me your mistress? Or were you just going to dismiss with a few taels?”

The corner of Ye Jiayao's lips rose in a self-mocking sneer when she saw the guilt in his eyes grew deeper. She was right.

If that was the case, she was truly glad to have just fallen off the cliff. She would rather roam the streets as a beggar than become his concubine.

”Heir-Son Lord, the show has ended, it's time for the audience and the actors to go their separate ways. What's in the past stays in the past, there is no need to rehash it again now that we're both living our own lives.” Ye Jiayao made a show of looking around before pulling her hand away from his grasp. ”It's getting dark, I need to go back before the inn closes.”

Xia Chunyu refused to let her go, his grip becoming tighter.

”Xia Chunyu, don't make me hate you.”

Xia Chunyu didn't know what to say or what to do. This meeting has gone so awry, so different from the sweet reunion he imagined. He was powerless. The happiness, frustration, helplessness, and the love he was feeling was all jumbled together, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.

He pulled her into a tight hug, wishing that she could melt into his body so that they would never separate again, wishing that they could stay like this forever.

He inhaled her scent greedily, taking comfort in her. For countless nights, he dreamed of hugging her just like this. It had always felt so real that when he wakes up alone, the ache in his chest would throb like a live wound. He has never told anyone about this, his pride would not allow him to. Only the lantern by his bed knew how he truly felt, that he missed her so much he was going crazy.

”Yaoyao, I'm sorry, so, so sorry. This is all my fault. You can hit me, yell at me, I don't care, just give me another chance. Please. I will never let you down again, I swear...”

In his whole life, he has never begged someone so humbly like this, but he was prepared to do anything, give anything just to see Yaoyao's sweet smile again.

Ye Jiayao stood still as a statue as he hugged her, her heart aching. Even if she gave him another chance, what could happen? He could never marry her. He didn't care much for her when he found out that she was a lady of the Ye family, what more now that she was a mere chef in the city?

They have no future together. She had seen too much, been through too much to allow herself to believe in a silly daydream.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Her fear has taught her that without hope, there will not be a disappointment; if she does not love, she will not get hurt. Her innate pride wouldn't let her give in to him. She'd rather be a shattered vessel of jade than an unbroken piece of pottery.

And it was her pettiness that urged her to seek revenge for all the hurt that she suffered, for all the pain that she felt.

She kneed his crotch.

With his guards down, Xia Chunyu didn't see it coming. His hold on her loosened as the pain hit him. He curled up into a ball, cradling his crotch and grimacing in pain. He managed to say through gritted teeth, ”Ye Jinxuan...”