Chapter 396 - Past Regrets (2/2)

”I want to talk about us,'' came the voice from behind just as she reached the staircase.

Shen Lihua's footsteps came to a halt, ''There is no us,'' Her tone was clear and she spoke without any hesitation.

Her words however were no less than rocks thrown at his heart. Jun Zishen could feel that she was detached, she was no longer the woman who would smile at the sight of him, who would hug him quietly when he was down. But it did not diminish the pain he felt when she phrased it that way.

Without waiting for him to speak, Shen Lihua was about to walk upstairs when she felt a grip on her wrist and in the next moment, she was pulled back into a warm embrace.

Unknowingly, Jun Zishen had already walked towards her while talking and the moment he saw her walking away from him, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him in an impulse, ''Must you do this to me?” His voice came out hoarse. He lowered his head such that his forehead was resting on her shoulder, his hair falling in front of her shoulder and his fingers gripping her wrist trembled slightly, ''It has been years. I have missed you all these years, Li…''

Shen Lihua closed her eyes for a moment before shaking off his grip from her hand, ''Jun Zishen, you are a good son to your parents but other than that, you have failed as a father, as a husband,'' She turned around to look at him, ''I never regretted falling in love with you, neither did I regret going against my parents to marry you. They always said that we are poor people and we could never match up to you but I trusted you. I trusted you with everything I had and I made them trust you. I told them that as long as Zishen is with me, I will never be sad and he will never let me down….''

Shen Lihua stepped one stair up, creating some distance between them as she tilted her head down to look at him.

Jun Zishen quietly looked at her. At this point, he was fine with it. Everything she said pricked his heart but this is the bitterness that she has lived with throughout these years and he did not mind it. Rather than her staying quiet, calm, and pretending like nothing mattered to her, he would rather have it this way where she at least vented her innermost feelings, said something. Even if her words felt like stabs to him, he would not mind it.

''…But you know what I regretted the most in my life?”

He quietly looked at her, his eyes losing their usual glow as he waited for her to continue, somewhat afraid somewhat worried about what she was about to say.

”It was keeping up with it, believing that everything around would get better, that in that heartless family of yours, you would protect me, my children. I should have left the day it started,'' As she spoke, her eyes teared up, ''I kept lowering myself for you. My family was not rich like yours. My parents were ordinary people but they treated me like a princess with whatever they had. But your family…stepped on my self-esteem, my confidence, my pride and I kept all of it to myself. Why? Because I didn't want you to be hurt or torn. I endured all those humiliations and gulped the shame that your mother made me feel….''

Jun Zishen's fingers curled into a fist as he quietly looked at her while she looked at everywhere but him.. Her eyes were filled with tears but she looked up, holding them in.