Chapter 41 - Living in this World (1/2)

Lydis only had vague feelings of being dragged across the floor. Something was grabbing her arm. Slow, jagged movements until another pair of arms grabbed her legs. They moved in unison, dragging her away. Feeling extremely tired Lydis let herself fall into the abyss of sleep.

All around her was darkness. Lydis lifted her head and saw a black figure illuminated by a faint glow. She found that she could suddenly move her body again. Getting up Lydis walked over to the figure in the darkness.

”Lydis… It's time to make a choice.” Ebi turned around, her stone face showing no emotion.

”What kind of choice?” By then Lydis was already next to Ebi.

”Your soul is unstable. Just now when you recalled your past your soul rejected the slyphir from Katos. If that keeps happening, it'll tear your soul apart.” Lydis groaned loudly. She squatted on the floor and ran her hands through her hair.

”Why am I having so much difficulty in just being able to stay in this world?” Ebi turned around and looked at Lydis.

”The false pity of another god. Whether it was out of impulse or sympathy, they're the ones who allowed some of your past memories to remain. Those memories caused a disturbance in the fusing process of your soul. It was supposed to be an almost cleared out soul mixing with Katos's slyphir, not one that was still imprinted.”

”So what kind of sacrifice do I have to make now? I've barely been able to piece my past memories together over two years and now you want me to discard them?” Ebi shook her head.

”You need to either accept them, or discard them. Either choice works fine.”

”Accept?” Ebi sighed, bracing herself for a long talk.

”Right now there is a bit of you not believing in this 'other world' from your memories. You see it, feel it, even dream about it, and yet you don't believe it. You believe you died once but, not in another world. You believe that I'm a part of you, not just a hallucination. Why can't you accept your old memories?”

”…”

”See? This is why your soul is so fragile.” Ebi sighed and placed a hand on her black core. ”I'm not sure how you feel about death but I don't want to disappear yet, not even a decade of existence and I'm about to die because my host is still in denial like a child? I'll never allow that.” Ebi's arms began to change shape and slicked to the floor, a pool slowly forming around her.

Lydis eyed Ebi's changing arms.

”Really? Back to brute force?” Lydis raised her arms, her eyes darting to the multitude of arms forming from Ebi's goo. They were formless tendrils at first but the shape of fingers and hands soon became recognizable.

”Accept them or forget them! If you don't I'll have to do it myself!” Ebi was sounding desperate now. The multitude of arms began to extend towards Lydis. Some crawled along the floor, some just slithered closer while others extended through the air. Ebi's face twisted in rage, fear and desperation. Although they had made up two years ago, now it was a matter of life and death, one much more real than Lydis simply being rough with Ebi. The hands were getting closer now. They surrounded Lydis with a wall but, before Ebi could move in Lydis lowered her hands.

”You're the one who doesn't understand!” Lydis's sudden outburst caused Ebi to pause. Lydis continued to rant regardless if Ebi was listening or not. ”You don't know how it feels to see things, memories that don't belong to you from an outsider's view. Nothing I have in my head is actually mine except for these past two years. What 'other world'? Lydis Huwen? I might as well be an imposter with different people's memories! Using someone else's name, face, their life… How can I be sure that those 'other world' memories are even mine?!” Lydis stopped and looked at the floor, her eyes stinging with tears of frustration.

Ebi's face softened and she retracted her arms. Slowly reverting back to her humanoid form. Lydis continued, not wanting to wait for Ebi's response.

”Each and everyday I live, I feel like it's a lie. That I'll wake up back in that darkness from before. Floating endlessly in nothing. If I accept those 'other world' memories, won't who I am now disappear? Lydis Huwen is already a part of me but, that other 'me' doesn't seem real.”

”If you're so conflicted then toss them. Discard your other world memories and live as the Lydis Huwen who already died once.” Ebi was completely back to normal now. Lydis lifted her head and saw the conflicting pity and sorrow on Ebi's face.

”I… I can't do that either. That other 'me' might be fake but at the same time, she could be real.” Lydis wrapped her arms around her chest. ”There are so many things swirling around my mind I feel like dying again. In a sense, death would be bliss compared to living like this. Barely knowing who you are, living a life filled with lies, not even sure what you're feeling are your true emotions… It's hard. Especially the times when I'm reminded of what I am around people I consider my family and I'm forced to fake a smile, unable to say anything to them. This burden… Can I really live like this?” Ebi stayed silent, her voice choked in her throat. Words of comfort laid on her tongue but Ebi couldn't bring herself to say them.

Lydis looked at Ebi and laughed, her self-pitying laugh was short and sad. Even Lydis was surprised by how easily she let her burdens out.

”Ebi, is there no other way? Accept, discard, or die… Either way I'm killing some part of me, who's to say that nothing besides that will change?” Lydis hung her head. The weight of her words hung over them. Ebi's form was wavering a little while Lydis stared at the darkness around her. Would she return here when she died? In this never ending void. Or would she just simply stop thinking, stop feeling, and vanish into nothingness?

High up a small door opened above them. The small door opened slowly, something red laid on the frame. It turned it's head and smiled.

”Looks like visiting Ebi is always fun. Although I'm a bit concerned, what they do isn't really my problem but, just once, I'll lend a hand. Things were just getting good, I'd hate for it to end here.” Extending one hand the red figure's hand slid off and dropped in between Lydis and Ebi. It saw their shocked faces and started giggling before disappearing.

Ebi whipped her head upwards to see the last bit of light from the red figure's door vanish.

”…” Although she was angry Ebi couldn't ignore the look of surprise on Lydis's face.