766 The Deitiess Anchor (1/2)
Knowing that the diary pages specially selected by Queen Mystic contained rather important information, The Fool Klein focused his attention and cast his eyes on the yellowish-brown goatskin in his hand.
”11th September. Ever since I became an angel, I've had the feeling that I've had my identity disassociated. In my heart, in my soul, and in the depths of my mind, there's ultimately a voice urging me, influencing me and creating an uncontrollable sense of coldness, bloodthirstiness, cruelty, and craziness.
”This doesn't stem from the external world or an influence from a god of the same pathway. I can clearly sense that it comes from one's genes, the collective subconsciousness of humanity from generation after generation. It stems from the Beyonder characteristic itself, and not from the remnants psychological influences.
”It makes me have a strong desire to hunt and kill. It makes me want to devour all the living beings around me with Beyonder characteristics. It requires me to spend a lot of effort to resist it. Even if I've already acted and digested the potion, it doesn't seem to improve.
”It's no wonder that Mr. Door said that rationality is temporary, but madness is eternal.”
”28th September. I haven't written a diary entry in ages. In the past half a month, I seemed to see myself being replaced by a stranger. Bit by bit, I turn cold and terrifying. Even my daughter, Bernadette, can only allow me to show her minute amounts of fatherly love. Very, very tiny amounts.
”Just as I was about to go mad, I seemed to hear countless praises. They were from my subjects, people who had benefited from my reformations. They are the believers who view me as the Son of Steam. They praise me with great acclaim. They erected statues of me, write stories for me, and have created songs and poems for me.
”Their voices seem like a ship's anchor that helps me 'secure' myself in place.
”I began to have the ability to resist that desire and that roar within me. Bit by bit, I walked out of it as I once again possessed the normal feelings of a father, a husband, and a man.
”Just Sequence 2 alone causes such changes. At Sequence 0, at the level of a true god, how terrifying would it be to resist that madness?
”Perhaps 'They' also need an anchor so as to resist the Beyonder characteristics and the strong inclination to lose control, the urges buried deep in the collective subconscious.
”I probably understand why 'They' establish Churches and why they want to spread their faith, to write stories for their faction's saints and leave legends for their corresponding angels…
”But why do 'They' not have any anthropomorphic form other than symbols?
”I can't understand it.
”I'll try asking Mr. Door in the future. 'He' seems to know a lot in regards to the domain of deities. If 'He' had been released back then, there might very well be an additional deity today.”
”29th September. After rereading yesterday's diary entry, I recalled the corresponding rituals of my Sequence 4, Sequence 3, and Sequence 2. They clearly had hints of madness and cruelty, akin to the kinds held by antagonists in novels.
”A Sequence pathway might very well be a path destined to be crazy and filled with despair.
”And this is the only path for humans to obtain extraordinary strength.
”How laughable and ironic it is.
”We strive to save ourselves, only to better destroy ourselves?”
The first page's content left Klein's heart heavy and repressed. The Roselle who had written those words was no longer an ordinary person, but someone who had become an angel, someone who had joined the Twilight Hermit Order, and someone who had seen the Blasphemy Slate. His understanding of the mysterious world and Beyonder characteristics far exceeded him, but he was even more pessimistic than him. He seemed to believe that the world's origins were innately warped, crazy, and destined for destruction.
However, the seven deities have apparently found a way to maintain ”Their” rationality. Ordinary humans aren't without any use. Their cognition and their spirituality put together can help a deity ”anchor” ”Their” original image, retaining their memories and reason that they had accumulated for years… This can be inferred from Roselle's own experiences… However, why would the seven deities abandon ”Their” anthropomorphic images and use Sacred Emblems as a form of abstraction? This doesn't match my theories… I can't understand why… Klein didn't waste any time as he flipped to the next diary page.
”5th December. Night of the Blood Moon. I conversed with Mr. Door.
”Like every time prior to this, 'He' would always make a request to get me to help 'Him' return to the real world, but 'He' doesn't overly insist on it. Furthermore, 'He' would randomly answer some of my questions.
”Heh heh, it's like 'He' is playing a game, trying hard to raise my affection towards 'Him.' But unfortunately, I'm sorry, I've already sealed off that option ahead of time.
”As I already knew of the legends of the Kings of Angels, I mainly asked Mr. Door about the level of strength that the Kings of Angels have, knowing the fact that I had nothing to lose by asking 'Him' that question.
”Mr. Door said that some of the Kings of Angels accommodated the Uniqueness, while others had consumed two sets of Sequence 1 potions; it could also be both.
”The word 'accommodate' is used in an odd manner. I had asked 'Him' about it, but Mr. Door didn't directly answer me. All 'He' said was that if one was unable to 'accommodate' the Uniqueness, then the Uniqueness was a burden instead of an aid to a Sequence 1 angel before they held the ritual to advance to Sequence 0.