132 A Slice of Lime (1/2)

Harold and Dave walked back home deep in thought, silently digesting what they'd seen and heard at the town hall. That wouldn't have been possible in the old days. In the old days, walking down a street in Port Douglas meant encountering hundreds of holidaymakers. Some would be drunk, some high on drugs, and some both drunk and high on drugs. Occasionally, there would be someone who was merely hungover.

All of them were invariably loud, proudly displaying their stupidity to everyone along with their bodies: wearing as little clothing as possible was the mandatory uniform for anyone on a holiday. The combination of rowdy behavior and bare flesh adorned with tattoos and piercings often made Harold feel he was surrounded by barbarians.

”You know,” he had said to Gladys one day upon getting home, ”It really makes you wonder. For hundreds and hundreds of years people sought to differentiate themselves from animals. Now it seems it's the other way.”

”But people ARE animals, darling,” Gladys reminded him.

”From what I've seen and heard, calling someone an animal is an insult.”

”It can also be a compliment,” Gladys had said, making Harold sulk discreetly for the next few days while he wondered if she hadn't been referring to his behavior in bed. He always took utmost care to be gentle when making love to his wife.

”Remember the days when streets were filled with ugly brutes?” he said to Dave, in an attempt to drown out his uncomfortable memories.

Dave smiled.

”You know that old saw about everything having a silver lining,” he said. ”I'm reminded of it every morning when I wake up after sleeping through the night without being woken up at least once.”

”We used sleeping pills, myself and Gladys,” said Harold. ”They really helped.”

”I don't use sleep aids, and I've always told my patients not to use them,” Dave said.

”That's a little radical. Isn't providing relief part of your duties?”

”Every symptom is a physical manifestation of something going on inside a patient,” Dave said. ”I've always tried to cure people, not just treat them. That meant identifying the cause of their illness or discomfort, and getting rid of it. People can't sleep because of stress. The answer is vigorous and productive physical activity. It reduces stress and tires you out enough to fall asleep the moment you lie down.”

”Productive? Like having unprotected sex?”

Dave laughed, and said:

”That's the sole exception. That can actually increase stress. No, by productive I mean chopping wood or doing something that yields concrete results, such as a pile of firewood or a renovated house or whatever. Where you can actually see and touch the improvement you've made.

”You were telling your patients to go and chop some wood?”

”Hot and cold?”

”I mean a stream or a river. You don't want to drink from ponds and lakes out in the country. Running water is cleaner water.”

”I didn't realize you took such a holistic approach to your work, Dave.”

”It's the only way to approach it. But can we discuss something else? I'm really worried about the perspective of having to walk a hundred kilometres in the New World.”

”We could cheat.”

”What do you mean?”

Harold shrugged.

”We've been cheating from the day we founded our settlement in the New World,” he said. ”And you're asking me what I meant?”

”In practical terms only.”

”In practical terms, we don't have to do anything at all. We just proceed with what we have. If Henry gets curious, you'll tell him how you trekked along the coast enduring extreme hardship along the way, and then immediately attack him with accusations and recriminations about making you suffer for no reason. That will put him on the defensive right away. He won't ask any questions, he'll be mumbling about rules and regulations instead. Just like the time your son lit up a joint in his restaurant, before it became legal. You remember that visit of his? I didn't get to meet him, Gladys had lost a tooth and she was having hysterics about falling apart piece by piece.”

”I remember that. And speaking of Sean, I had a long and very illuminating talk with him and Maureen last night, after he'd finished settling in.”

”Maureen?”