Chapter 181 To Go Forward (1/2)

Sam boarded the bus for home in a daze.

The entire scene from earlier flashed by in his mind and her words were echoing in his ears like a broken record.

It had taken him so long to figure out his feelings, to gather the courage to confess ... and then to have his worst fears realised hit him harder than he thought it would.

Despite the fact that he had considered her rejecting him, to actually have it happen ... Sam sighed.

He stared out the window, watching as the familiar scenes flashed by. The pain he was feeling inside was intense but what aggravated him more was the sense of dissatisfaction.

Why wasn't he good enough? Why wouldn't she agree? What was so wrong with him that she wouldn't even consider giving them a chance?

A chance of the feeling to grow if none existed? Didn't they click? Didn't they have good times together? Was it all a lie? Was she just being nice? Pandering to him?

Just saw him as a Big Brother but nothing else? Heck. That did not make sense since they've only known each other for a few months!

Sam wiped his eyes angrily, frustrated that the tears would even fall. He wished he could resent her for putting him through this, but he couldn't. Even now, he couldn't envision her as an evil person.

When he saw how much pain she was in while rejecting him, all he could see was this injured bunny. It was as if he was the one that made her that way. Sam snorted. Actually, he was, wasn't he? His confession had put her on the spot and she was hurting inside just so that he wouldn't have hope.

It was then that he gave up. Let her go.

He just didn't have the heart anymore. He was so bitterly disappointed in everything that he just had to get out of there before he said or did something that he would regret forever.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Carpe diem indeed.

Well, it's a good thing that the Valentine's Day event was all over and he wasn't even in the same building as her class. He wouldn't be meeting her anymore, unless he made an effort to. Now, he would be making an effort not to cross paths anymore.

He will smile. He will be polite when they do meet, but he wouldn't initiate any conversation. Not until he's healed and the pain goes away.

He can get through this. Take one day at a time.

He whipped out his phone and looked at the pictures again. For the last time. His fingers shook a bit as he tapped the command to delete. When the prompt came up, he hesitated ... then grit his teeth and pressed 'confirm.'

In order to go forward, the past must be deleted.

Sam looked up and saw that his stop was near. He pressed the bell and the bus slowed down. Sam got up, walking dejectedly towards the exit. Taking a deep breath, he waited as the bus stopped and the exit door opened.

Just then, suddenly, a thunderstorm started. He watched as the rainfall. Great. Just great. Even the skies were reflecting the storm in his heart.

Nodding his head, he resolutely took the steps to go out. To him, he was symbolically leaving behind his hopes and dreams for a certain bunny behind in the bus, and walked into the rain to wash all the pain away.

✿✿ Beatrice ✿✿

Beatrice spent nearly an hour talking to Kyle.

After his shocking question about her confessing to Sam, they began talking about other things. She found herself opening up more to Kyle, talking about her hopes and dreams. About Betty. About her feelings for Sam. How she felt about the whole thing.

Kyle wasn't judgemental and he didn't say much. Occasionally, he would ask a question or two but overall, it was her unloading everything to Kyle. It was as if a load was taken off her shoulders.

It was then that she truly realised, that having a friend to confide in did wonders for the soul. All this time, it was Betty that filled that role so when she had issues or problems with Betty, she bottled it up. She had no one to turn to.

”It would be so much easier to fall in love with you,” Beatrice said suddenly, ”So why was it Sam that I fell for instead?”

Kyle shrugged, and quoted Mark Twain,* ”But that is the way we are made: we don't reason, where we feel; we just feel.”

Beatrice was silent after that.

After a long while of comfortable silence, Kyle got up and helped Beatrice up, ”Time to go back. It looks like it is going to rain.”

Beatrice nodded, noting the dark clouds that appeared above. They both walked back to their dorms and just barely made it before it started pouring.

When she entered her room, she found that Betty was already in bed. She was facing the wall and the blanket was up to her neck. It was way too early for her to be in bed so Beatrice knew that she wasn't asleep, but Beatrice let her be.

For now.

After bathing and changing, Beatrice sat on her own bed and stared at Betty's back.

”I know Sam confessed to you today, Betty,” Beatrice began. She saw how Betty's shoulder stiffened, yet still did not turn.

”And that you turned him down,” Beatrice continued. Still no response. Beatrice took a deep breath.

”I also know you're in love with him.”

At that, Betty did turn and protested, ”No, I -”