Chapter 220 - Yeah, and make your sister a widow. (1/2)

|Innaya|

”I'm tired,” Eshan said those words before he placed his head beside my right hand, and closed his eyes.

I stared incredulously at him.

Did he just leave me hanging like that?

In my childhood, I would hide under the covers so that my mother and grandmother would not ask me questions about my nightmares. I would run away from them if they brought up the topic of the man who had made my life a living nightmare.

I hated confrontations, and I hated conversations.

Maybe, from that time, I had developed the habit of keeping things to myself. Talking to someone, describing my emotions, often felt like an enormous task from which I always ran away. Even with grandpa, there were many things I did not voice out in the fear of disgusting him with my scars.

He never complained about my lack of conversation skills. He had been there for me in my happiness and sadness. He had been there with me when I was burdened with my past, and he had seen me struggle. Yet, he never pressurized me in speaking about it against my will.

Perhaps, it had something to do with me always thinking about what others would feel because of my words. That man, who unfortunately was my father, had made sure to instill that fear in me. The consequences I had seen and suffered because of the words which were wrong in that man's eyes had been terrible.

I never understood where my fear came from actually. Thinking about me should have been my priority, but I never learned to do that.

But, this time I had paid a heavy price for that lesson.

The whole situation had drained me emotionally, and physically.

In life, we have two choices. The first one is to recall past and cry over it, the past which only gives us pain. Being stuck in the endless cycle of how it could have been avoided, we miss onto the present and ruin our future. The second choice is to let the present wipe down the negative traces of the past which wants to engulf us, to live the present happily by moving on.

After considering how I have always gone for the first choice, I wanted to make the second one. For once I did not wish to think about the past. Besides, I certainly did not want to imagine the future. Making the most out of the present time, I wanted to live every moment of my life with Eshan.

I could explain my reasoning, and so could he.

It would have no end to it.

Instead, we needed to have a proper conversation and end this agony. We already wasted a month because of this mess, why should we waste another month to figure out how to sort the mess.

Looking at his tired face I could see how hard it had been on him. He did not have it easy. He suffered too. Lifting my hand I brought it to his head. How long it had been since I had touched his hair? Like this?

How long it had been since he stayed by my side? So close… without hurting me or himself.

I had missed this.