Chapter 170 - Overcoming the cynophobia (2/2)
Why would I suddenly feel sad for no apparent reason? I was happy a moment ago, but my mood flipped out of nowhere.
I lost my interest in playing with Fortune. Despite the happiness and sense of accomplishment, I had felt early, this time there was a tinge of restlessness growing from within.
Giving one last rub to Fortune's head I stood up.
”We'll continue later,” I said to him. It was the start of our friendship. I hoped with the time, our bond would grow stronger. We had time; we could work on this later. For now, I wanted the restlessness to leave me alone.
On top of that restlessness, Eshan's not answering the call made me worried. On the surface, it was no big deal. He could be in the restroom or the meeting. There were literally several reasons why he did not receive my call. And, I understood it as well.
”Stop overthinking. He'll call back once he sees the missed calls.” I pacified myself. There was nothing else I could do other than that.
I decided to first take a second shower for the day, and then start cooking the dinner. This way, I could temporarily distract myself.
***
Standing under the shower, I let the water wash down my worries and thoughts. My thoughts could wander in any direction without my permission. I did not want to start worrying about anything. Because when my mind acted on its own, there was nothing good coming out of it.
My PTSD made me more vulnerable to even small matters. Perhaps it wasn't just my PTSD. We as human were more attentive to our emotions, letting them drive our consciousness. The outcome was sometimes good or bad, depending upon how we perceived it.
However, it was not good to be always controlled by our emotions. We needed to take control of them, rather than letting then control us. Maybe, it was because of my past, but my emotions overpowered my senses many times.
I had paid a heavy price because of it. I had almost lost my relationship. At that my fears, my past, and my emotions, ruled my mind, clouding my senses. This time, just the way I worked on my fear of dogs, I wanted to work on my emotions as well. I would not let them dictate my life and muddle my head forever.
I would fight hard to shove away monsters of uncertainty away. This time for Eshan I was willing to work hard. I would not drag him down.
Firming my resolve, I turned off the shower. Wrapping my body with the towel, I exited the bathroom. As Eshan wasn't home, I dared to come out only in a white towel wrapped around my body. Aside from Fortune, and me, there wasn't anyone in the home. Was there any need to feel conscious then?
No.
However, nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the man seating on the bed in our bedroom.
***
Unedited :-(