Chapter 142 - My Vulnerary Husband (1/2)

|Innaya|

I once again fell in love with my husband all over again. I guessed I did not understand how many surprises I was going to receive with my husband. His thoughtfulness never ceased to amaze me. I could not bear to let him apologize for no fault of his. My condition must have worried him.

Despite being thrown in an unexpected situation, he cared for me. Despite my harsh words, he did not care about the consequences. He stayed put and did what he had to do.

I wrapped my arm around his waist as I snuggled close to him.

”Eshan, I'm sorry for the words I had spoken that day. I didn't mean to accuse you. I know you respect women. I'm... I'm sorry.” I clutched his blue t-shirt in my fist. I did not cry this time. Wasn't there a saying- there was no use of crying over spilled milk. To make him forget about it, I had to forgive myself first.

If I were to continue blaming myself, we wouldn't be reaching anywhere. Instead, we would be stuck in an endless cycle of self-blame. Things needed to stop somewhere.

I must take the responsibility to make things right. Sometimes he would make the move, and sometimes I had to be the one. We needed to work together to meet somewhere in the middle. This journey of togetherness needed our combined work together.

”I was just surprised. I didn't mean to blame you. Even if you were to see me...” I paused feeling bashful to bring something so intimate up. I continued after gathering more courage, ”without clothes, I won't blame you. In the future, we are going to cross that phase. Can you please stop thinking about those mindless words. I was a fool back then to accuse you.”

I fiddled with the fabric of his T-shirt.

It is not comforting words we look for, but the assuring warmth of the people we love is what we human beings seek. At least I do.

Growing up, I had never thought I could rely on any other male rather than Grandpa, let alone being comfortable with physical intimacy.

However, with Eshan everything was different. I looked forward to those seemingly innocent caresses, kisses, touches, pecks. I secretly longed for his loving warm hugs, silent comfort, and his sweet endearments. The butterflies would erupt in the pit of my stomach, as his soulful gaze would follow me everywhere always as if afraid I was the only person in the world.

The undivided attention, the unadulterated love, and selfless care he bestowed upon me slowly and steadily had consumed me. Consumed me to the point from where I truly never grasped when and how he entered inside my heart and claimed it.

Unbeknownst to myself, my feelings had changed, and at this moment I realized how much the man holding me mattered to me. He was the person who evoked myriads of emotions within me with only his presence and absence too.

”I love you.” I did not realize I worded it loudly. However, the widened eyes that were staring at me in stunned silence, as well as the slightly gaping mouth of my husband, were proof enough of my stupidity. At the speed of light, he had moved away from me at my abrupt confession. My eyes immediately lowered, and somewhere, dropped to his chest glaring the blue fabric as if it was its fault.

His fingers cupped my chin, and he tried raising my head. I stubbornly refused to give in. I too was surprised with an unexpected confession. I needed to absorb the feeling first before telling him. I wanted to share the happiness bubbling inside me, but I needed a moment for myself. It was not my first confession, but something was different this time.

Instead of looking up, I found it better to tuck myself under his chin, and I just did that. Maybe my happiness rubbed on him or the simple three-word declaration made him feel euphoric that I could clearly feel it from him. He wrapped me in his arms tightly, and every now and then would drop kisses on my hair mumbling something I couldn't catch.

”Sweetheart, am I dreaming?”Eshan whispered against my hair. ”But never even my dreams I ever dreamt of this,” he admitted confusedly. His tone suddenly turned sad, and his heartbeat lowered compared to the strong beatings earlier.

My heart dropped. Did he think I would accuse him or something for changing my clothes? Was he still stuck on that point? I did not like the self-doubt in his voice.