Chapter 50 - Melancholy (2/2)

”Imagine yourself in the shower.”

”What the-”

”Shhh... Imagine yourself below showerhead. Rain is just like the shower, only difference it is the bigger one. The shower helps in refreshing our body and mind and rain does exactly on large scale. It is the way of someone up there, to clean the earth,” Eshan paused, letting the information sink in. I did imagine what he was saying. The new perspective was quite refreshing.

”You just have to embrace it with all your heart then only you can find peace in things you do and around you. So, forget why you dislike it and find something that can actually make it worth your smile. Hmm?”

I had no idea how but somewhere I felt, he was talking about my fears. He indirectly was comforting me for something he had no inkling about. Moments later, his arms came around me, pulling me into his chest. With my head resting on his chest, I listened to the beating of his heart. I breathed in his fragrance, for the very fast time not caring about the thunder, rain or the memories they brought.

*

(flashback ends)*

How drastically life changed for me. One night I was in his arms trying to forget my fear and tonight I was here facing my fear, which for the first time did not have any effect on me.

Regret.

I had the regret of many things in my life but the biggest regret was, blaming the man who loved me unconditionally. The heartbroken expression of Eshan haunted me - day and night from the last one month.

*

'Today I am freeing you from everything.'

'You don't trust me and without trust, there is no love.'

*

My legs gave away and I fell on my knees- defeated. Tears streamed down my eyes mixing with the raindrops. Hollowness washed over me and I couldn't help but blame myself. I did not know for how long I was on the floor but I couldn't care as well.

A shadow loomed over my hunched form before someone pulled me on my feet.

”Enough. Get inside and change.”

Eshan.

Hope bloomed in my heart at the aspect of him coming back to me. Blinking, through the blurry vision, I searched for the honey brown eyes I had missed looking directly into. Just like that, my hope crushed when I saw the blue eyes glaring at me.

”I said get inside, now.”

This was the first time in last four weeks he talked to me directly. He had given me silent treatment but that was the worst punishment.

He was angry. However, his anger was justified. I had hurt his best friend. Hurt was the small word for what I did to Eshan. Nobody knew what had transpired between us that day. However, somehow Arjun knew. I had no idea how he found out, but he did.

I had woken up in the hospital bed alone; all hooked up to machines after my panic attack had kicked in and had entrapped me in its clutches. I searched for Eshan only to realize he was never there in the first place.

A sob bubbled in my throat once again, for the nth time. How beautiful everything was, but I ruined it. My chest constricted with the pain, I couldn't help but cry at my own doing. The memories of our time together danced before my eyes, bringing the wave of pain for losing the chance to feel them again.

”Make it stop, please.” I held Arjun's collar with trembling hands. It became unbearable for me. With no one to share my grief, I had kept everything to myself. Today, I just couldn't. For the first time, I broke in front of him, letting out my pain through the only way I could- tears.

His eyes softened. If no one else, he was the only person who could understand the reason behind my behavior. Even if, we had never really talked regarding my PTSD, he would understand, I knew he would- only if he would let me explain.

”It hurts.”

”Please Arjun, make it stop. Bring him back... pl... please... I'm sorry... please,” I cried out.

I did not care what would he think of me. I broke his friend with cruel and unrequited accusations. He probably hated the mere sight of me. Nevertheless, I wanted him to bring Eshan back to me. I would beg him for forgiveness; plead him until he heard my side of the story but only if came back.

Arjun's hands held my wrists, freeing his collar from my hold he dragged me inside until we were standing in front of the washroom.

Facing me, his blue eyes flashed with hurt before they hardened in a cold glare.

”Sometimes sorry is not enough, Innaya. It isn't.”